I'm finally a LADY!!!




I took the most accurate villain personality test
created by: The Arch Villainess Gracie

Uh-oh LOL

How to make a Angi

Ingredients: 3 parts anger 3 parts silliness 3 parts joy

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Serve with a slice of wisdom and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Well I think it just might be me folks ! :)

A	Arty
N	Nutty
G	Graceful
E	Explosive
L	Lazy
A	Awesome

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Today's Blog, courtesy of Maroon 5's song Harder to Breathe


How dare you say that my behavior's unacceptable
So condescending, unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground that I am walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

I HATE confrontation. I absolutely abhor it. I avoid it at all costs. I will walk away from IM's with little warning, I will grow quieter on a phone call, I will avoid a friend for weeks at a time, if I feel I need to avoid a confrontation. What I won't do is totally ignore something someone has said while *IN* a confrontation.

Someone in my life is going through a rough patch right now. I hurt for them, because they hurt. Where do you draw the line at sympathy though, when you don't agree with the direction they've gone? When you can only see more pain, more suffering and more fights for everyone involved if this path is walked? Your opinion is asked, do you give it? Do you murmur platitudes ?

I would hope that I can be honest with all of my friends. That if my opinion is asked, I can offer it. Even if it is painful, even if it is NOT what they want to (or think they need to) hear at the time. I would hope that I wouldn't lose any of my friends when something is asked and given that differs so deeply with their course of action that it angers them. Then again, how can I know?

I don't. But I have to have faith. Because for me, I trust my friends to tell me the things I need to hear. The naked truth, even if it hurts. Even if it's not what I need right then... it's most likely what I'm going to need to hear later. I try to surround myself with those who are honest. I trust in their judgements and opinions. Quite frankly if I didn't, they wouldn't be my friends.

What about you? Do you trust your friends to tell you the truth? Even when you don't want to hear it ? Something to think about, huh?

Take care.

Notes from the Past...
There’s been a song that’s been speaking to me lately. Actually, at the volume I play CD’s in my car when I’m alone, my DH would say it’s been screaming, but he’s just silly. Good music is been when played LOUD! But that is neither here nor there. The song is Because of You from Nickleback’s new album Long Road. It’s the best song on the album I think as far as a rocking song. But that’s not why it’s speaking to me. It’s the lyrics.

I’ve written about my issues with my illness before. Before I was diagnosed, and for a little while afterwards, while I was getting stable, I was an emotional mess. I had no coping skills, and my childhood was, well… let’s just say abusive and leave it at that. I was an emotional manipulator because that’s what I knew how to do, and that’s what got me attention. Being locked into manic and depressive cycles is awful, and not knowing it is worse. Being an emotional cripple on top of all that is horrific.

So is what I did to all the people who cared about me during those times in my life. Those that loved me. I look back, and I’m amazed anyone stayed around for any length of time. That I didn’t push them away faster than I did with my behaviours. That’s why the lyrics really talk to me in this song. Let me show you:

Edge on the mirror, Can't get much clearer, Can't make this all go away
Now that you're bleeding. You stare at the ceiling, Watch as it all fades away
With what you do. Because of you

You know I can't be there. Each time that you call
I swore not to come, But I'm here after all
I know by the look that i see in your eye
I won't stand around and i won't watch you die
For what you do Why do you Why do you think I don’t love you
What becomes of you Why do you Why do you think I’m blind

Now that you did this,You ask for forgiveness, Doctor could you be my priest
You say you're mistaken, But look what you've taken,You laugh as you lie through your teeth
With what you do, Because of you

(repeat Chorus)

Edge on the mirror, Can't get much clearer, Can't make this all go away
Now that you're bleeding, You stare at the ceiling, Watch as it all fades away
With what you do, Because of you

You know I can't be there,Each time that you call
I swore not to come, But I'm here after all
I know by the look that I see in your eye
I won't stand around and I won't watch you die
For what you do, What you do, What you do
What becomes of you, Do, what you do,What you do
What becomes of, Because of you, Because of

If you got this far, I appreciate it. This blog is reaching epic lengths already. It was pretty important to actually put all the lyrics in there. The verse sorta describes how I used to be, and the chorus describes everyone in my life I think.

Many of those people I can no longer find. Most of them have moved out of my life, onto their own lives. Old boyfriends, ex-friends. In a way I’m sad they can’t see how I really did straighten out my life, and get it right. I wish that they could. But that’s not the biggest reason I’d like to find some of them right now. I’d like to say…. I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart and soul… I’m so sorry for the hell I put you all through. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t right, and I’m so grateful for the love that you gave me then.
It made more of a difference than you can ever know. Thank you.

Ya'll be good to yourselves. And to the ones that love you :)

The Stitcher's Five

1.)Which is your favourite brand of speciality thread?
I have to pick one ? *nibbles a lip* Well right now it's Gloriana Silks. But I'm an equal opportunity specialty thread addict.

2.)Why?
Gloriana's are so soft and beautiful. The colors are stunningly gorgeous. My favourite right this minute is Monet's Pond, along with Cranberry, and Silver Fox. Hmmm...also Twilight... I could go on. They are just beautiful!

3)How many other brands of thread do you have in your stash?
Wow, I have to tell this ? Wonder if I can keep DH from reading this!
Silks: Thread Gatherer, Waterlilies, Dinky Dyes, Au ver au soie, Silk Mori, Milkpaints, TBN Bloomin Threads, Gloriana, Gumnuts, Rajmahal, Eterna Overdyeds, Colour Streams, SMF Candy Floss, Needlepoint Inc, Stef Francis, Cascade House, Vikki Clayton, Silk Serica, Silk Trezibond, Caron Soie Crystale
Cottons: Six Strand Sweets (full set), GAST (full set), WDW, SMF Candy Floss, TBN Bloomin Threads, Delectable Delights Floss, Needle Necessities, The Dye Shop, Dinky Dyes, Stef Francis, Dyepot Threads.

4.) How do you store your threads?
Most of them are in their own Floss-a-way baggies then in boxes or drawers in my storage tower. My Silk'n Colors are in a drawer in my specialty box, along with the TBN threads. I have pretty limited storage so I do the best I can

5.) How confident do you feel at substituting between thread types and colours compared to what the chart calls for?
I'm getting more confident. I really like the look of overdyed threads and so I love to substitute colors and see the different looks.

The Stitcher's Five


1. Which do you prefer, Kits or Charts?

I prefer charts because I tend to substitute fabrics, I love hand dyes and will use them whenever possible. Kits also tend to come with Aida fabric, and non-descript floss.

2. Why?

Kitting up is half the fun!! :) I love putting a project together~deciding on fabric colors, maybe changing some floss colors. It makes my heart go pitter-pat :)

3. How do you organise your materials before you stitch

Every kitted project is usually also a WIP, even if it has only 10 stitching in it. Because of that, if it is a big project~like a Mirabilia~the floss gets bobbined and then goes into a CraftStor containter that also holds my scissors, thread heaven, highlighter and any other tools this project needs. All of that goes into the right sized mesh bag to hold the q-snaps and fabric.

4. Do you do anything to the sides of your fabric before starting?

Since I tend to use mostly hand-dyed it's already serged, but I usually ask my best friend to serge the edges of regular fabrics for me. Otherwise I tend to make an unraveling mess.

5. What do you do with the leftovers when your done?

You mean you're supposed to finish stuff ??? Seriously.. I have a baggie for leftover project floss, which is where I go first when I'm kitting up new stuff. The q-snaps go for the next project, same with the bag, and container.

This just says it all... LOL

Are you Addicted to the Internet? 80% Hardcore Junkie (61% - 80%) While you do get a bit of sleep every night and sometimes leave the house, you spend as much time as you can online. You usually have a browser, chat clients, server consoles, and your email on auto check open at all times. Phone? What's that? You plan your social events by contacting your friends online. Just be careful you don't get a repetitive wrist injury... The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Quiz Me!

Confidences...
My mother once taught me, the only secret that is kept is between you and someone who is already dead. She said that’s the only way to keep something totally secret. Otherwise people are driven to reveal things. It’s human nature she said. We feel like we can trust a person in our lives, and so we tell them something. A friend, a lover, a relative. It could be trivial; it could be something that would rock the very foundation of our life if it were revealed. Yet we need to confide. It seems to be a primitive need deep inside to share a part of ourselves, to trust a secret of self. Perhaps in hopes of being trusted back, perhaps. Or perhaps just in search of companionship. No matter the reason, we trust, we share… and somewhere down the line that person we talked to feels that same need. And the cycle begins.

Sometimes the confidences are tiny. Sometimes they are vital to our existence. At times they can be something so painful, so consuming that they cannot be held alone, but need to be shared. All too often, they are things that should not be shared. I understand our need to confide, to believe those around us are trustworthy. We want to believe that those we surround ourselves with are people would could trust with our lives, or even our skeletons (no matter how trivial the secret, or how severe). Now mind you, I’m not talking about murder or child molestation/abuse secrets here. . Those types of things don’t even enter into this thought process. Please know that. I’m talking about something that may be even the most mundane thing to you, may be something that another would find humiliating What I don’t understand, is when proven time and time again that we should not confide, we should keep our lives to ourselves, why we as humans continue the pattern.

I am of course speaking from personal experience. It has happened yet again to me. Someone I trusted with something has gone behind me to another with something told in confidence. Is it a trivial matter? Is it a foundation rocking matter? Now do you really think I’m going to reveal that to you? I may have forgotten my old rule of “reveal nothing” for a while, but I won’t forget again. It but serves to remind me I’ve become complacent. I’ve become too…free with my confidences. Once the only way I survived was to reveal nothing, say nothing about my personal life. It was the only way I stayed sane. Because nothing ever was the same as I had told it. Nothing ever comes back the way you tell it. It changes subtly in the retelling. It always does. Suddenly something that you felt was just a little bit wrong with something in your life has become a character flaw so massive people no longer want to be associated with you, by the time it has come through the retelling. That is just an example I can think of. We all played that game in elementary school. You remember the one where someone whispered a sentence to someone at the front of the room, and by the time it got to the back of the room it no longer even resembled the original statement.

And that’s what’s happened here as well. It’s not quite the same as it was when it was confided. *shrugs* I should have remembered that as well. I won’t forget again.

Ya’ll be good to yourselves.

Angi

How families come together...
I come from a pretty dysfunctional family. My mom will be the first to tell you she should have never had children. She's not the mothering type. Too selfish she says, too self-centered. She can't understand how she managed to have an "earth-mother" for a child. That's what she has called me from the time I've been little. I would be the neighborhood mommy. I loved to play with the younger kids in the neighborhood cause I could mother them. I've never wanted anything more than to be a wife and mother. My mother wanted me to be a career woman. Hence she does not understand me, and I don't understand her. At times of crisis, my family tends to turn on each other. We resemble nothing more than a pack of rabid wolves at times.

I've seen something completely different in this family I've married into however. I love my in-laws. I really do. They aren't perfect and they'd be the first to tell you that too. But as a package they are lovely. They welcomed me into this family, and accepted my daughter with love and affection. Honestly, that's what mattered the most to me. I could handle a family treating me like dirt, but not my baby girl. She wouldn't understand.

I had a point to this ramble :) I know, surprising. My BIL is running in the Boston Marathon next Monday. DH and I joke that he and his fiance are perfectly matched. They are fit, athletic and trim. They go running together, eat healthy and are both gorgeous. Whereas DH and I are fluffy, pudgy and decidedly not athletic. Anyhow, He has this chance to run to raise money for the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation. My FIL was diagnosed with this insidious cancer last September, and it rocked the family. And I was stunned, and amazed at how the family pulled tightly together thru the diagnosis, the subsequent testing, and a pretty scary hospital stay that November. I'm not suprised at all that running in this marathon is my BIL's way to do something. He's pledged to raise $7500 for the Research Foundation. He's just over $4000 of that. I'm going to include a link just in case anyone wants to help. Absolutely no pressure! This is all I can do to help him in his efforts to raise money, to get the word out there. Besides, you'll get to see my DH. He's the one in the blue striped shirt!

Boston Marathon Fundraiser for Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation

Ya'll be good to yourselves.

Angi

I've never been good at confrontation...
Especially with those that I care about. This puts my husband at the top of the list of those I hate arguing with. Make it a heated topic we are on firm opposite sides about and I'd rather crawl into a hole than talk about it. *sighs* We're having a difference of opinion on a quite personal subject. It has resonances of the past in it, and I don't agree with how he feels. I sympathize with it. I don't think he believes that part, but I do. The problem we are having is that he feels quite strong I should be "on his side". I can't be, I don't agree with his side. I can see the validity of how he feels, and how he could feel that way. But I can't agree, or be overly supportive or sympathetic. I can't give him the comfort he craves right now, because I don't agree with him. It's causing us to argue and fight, to the point we almost slept apart last night.

*sighs*

I don't believe that being married to someone, or even being friends with someone means that you have to agree with them all the time. in fact, I feel if you do there is seriously something wrong. What i'm on shaky ground with is how to handle that. How to not let it affect our day-to-day routine. So many times things like this can crack and shatter foundations of relationships and be the lil niggling thing that doesn't get settled, that comes up again and again. It seems we have a bunch of those 'little things' lately. It's so frustrating.

In other news, DD seems to almost have another tooth ready to come out. Hopefully this one will come out today, and the tooth faery can make another pitstop tonight.

As far as stitching is concerned, I've been working like mad on a model for my LNS, a patriotic model that has me hating red, white and blue. I never was a flag person to begin with, and goddess knows I won't be after this, that's for sure!!

Ya'll be good to yourselves!

Say what you mean with a song...

Today's blog is dedicated to my twin :) She knows who she is :)

It's the song Bounce by Bon Jovi (of whom I am a fan of over 20 years btw).

I been knocked down so many times
Counted out 6, 7, 8, 9
Written off like some bad deal
If you’re breathing you know how it feels
Call it karma, call it luck
Me, I just don’t give a

B-B-B-Bounce, bounce nothing’s gonna keep me down
Bounce, bounce stand up, shout it out
Bounce, bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I’ll be bouncing back again

This ain’t no game; I play it hard
Kicked around, cut, stitched and scarred
I’ll take the hit but not the fall
I know no fear, still standing tall
You can call it karma, call it luck
Me, I just don’t give a

B-B-B-Bounce, bounce nothing’s gonna keep me down
Bounce, bounce stand up, shout it out
Bounce, bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I’ll be bouncing back again

Bounce!

Bring it on, I like it rough
In your face, I call your bluff
It ain’t karma, it ain’t luck
Me, I just don’t give a

B-B-B-Bounce, bounce nothing’s gonna keep me down
Bounce, bounce stand up, shout it out
Bounce, bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I’ll be bouncing back again

Bounce, bounce
Nothing’s gonna keep me down
Bounce, bounce stand up, shout it out
Bounce, bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I’ll be bouncing back again

I took a walk along the dark side of the moon...
That's how it feels at least lately. The last month has been incredibly draining, and I haven't felt at all like blogging. I doubt anyone is going to see this, since I have updated in over a month. All my energy has gone to trying to stay healthy, drag us into financial stability, and do family stuff.

I will try and catch up on the bullet points over the next few days. My Secret Stitcher bought me the Taj Mahal membership, and I have all the threads to stitch it, just no fabric yet. I'm way behind on Mystery 6 so there's no real rush. I'm working on a model for Misty Stitches, and a model for my LNS. Those are both slow going as my hands go numb more often than not, and when cold I have no feeling in them at all. *sighs* I can stitch now only because Prinn was so generous and sent me her old Gazelle floor stand. I'm still figuring out exactly how to wiggle around it, i'm not sure it's *the* stand for me ... but it's better than none right now that's for sure.

Crystal Indulgence scissor fobs seem to be taking off, I hope to have some opportunities for expansion in the next few weeks :) I hope :)I really enjoy creating them!

I just wish my health would join the upward swing of everything else in my life *sighs*

Anyways, that's where we all are here. All in all, things are pretty good. I hope ya'll are taking care of yourselves. Hugs n stitches.

Is it March already?
Wow, I swear the time is flying by!!

Well! We made it through vacation, without bodily injury! It was a near thing there for a bit, touch and go with both the 6-year old and the 14 year old! And we get to do this again in April. I may need to find some valium by then. This week, however just reaffirms my decision to register DD for Girl Scout Day Camp for two weeks this summer. She'll love it, and i'll desperately need the break halfway through the summer months.

Stitching wise, I'm ALMOST there with Getting the stuff for Taj Mahal. I have to buy half the NPI silks, and the Waterlilies, wait for my fabric, and then buy the chart membership. I've been selling off stash to do this, extra stuff I don't need anymore. I won't say want, because I'm a hoarder by nature. So if it's in my house, by havens I want it, it's mine! :) But I really want to do the Taj Mahal by Chatelaine. It's one of the few things lately DH has looked at with me and went 'Oooooh, honey that's nice." Well that sealed it. *sighs* but our budget didn't allow me to get the full kit.. so i've been piecemealing it. I have to wait at least 6 more weeks or so for fabric as it is I think anyways... the opalescent is on backorder.

I'm feeling better, less depressed, more energetic. I'm keeping the house cleaned up better, which is helping in one way, but not in another. I'm easily irritated now and my family is NOT neat. I've spent the morning cleaning up after them *sighs*

I think that's it... OH! I got some serious snuggles from da baby girl :) We sat and watched some show tucked up under the down comforter... it was heavenly. Ya'll be good...

Snuggles...
I realized today what I miss most about my DD growing up so much. I know she's almost 7... still just a little girl, but a big girl in her own mind. That is still a lil one in so many ways, but in some ways she's sooooo big. She can get dressed herself, she can make her own cereal, take her own shower, wash her hair.... etc. She can even read her own books to herself, she's so smart!! But what I miss the most.... are the Snuggles

The running, jump into mommy's arms and burrow so close into my body I used to think she was trying to crawl back into me snuggles. The tucking her head under my chin and soft happy sighing snuggles. The only mommy can fix whatever it is that is wrong and I can't put it into words snuggles. Now don't get me wrong... she still climbs into bed sometimes and snuggles up... but she's so long and she just doesn't tuck up into me as well cause she's grown up so strong and beautifully. She once barely overflowed my arms, now she shows signs of definately being taller.

I still get some of those snuggles. And my good night hugs and kisses have their own perfectly heavenly rituals of kisses all over the face and the tightest of huggles around the necks. However, I realize in missing her sweetly nestled snuggles against me, I miss snuggling. I miss snuggling with my best friend over a bowl of ice cream and gossiping about boys. I miss snuggling under a blanket to watch movies with that same friend with a box of tissues while we put together one or another of our broken hearts. Or quiet snuggles with my mom... the ones over Christmas, when I knew she wasn't able to walk to me, and I crawled into the bed next to her and snuggled to her as well as I could.. much like my lil one used to do to me. We never are too old for snuggles like that...

You know I think we all would feel better if we made sure each day had snuggle time... mandatory scheduled snuggles. Whether with friends, kids, husbands or heck even a teddy bear (although it's human warmth I think that does the trick for me) I think we all would feel better, and do better every day. So I ask you all.... Have you snuggled today ?

Monday Morning...
It's the first day of February break for the schools around here. So right now, I've got my 6 yo DD, and my 14 yo DsS home.. have had them both since Friday. The boy goes home to his mom tonight, but comes back on Thursday..for most of the weekend...DD of course stays. Now, how to keep a 6 year old active lil girl entertained with no car...

No car you said ? Well, see we're down to just one car. DH has it at work. HIS car.. the transmission decided it was done working. Just... tired I guess. But becuase it's a 15 year old Volvo--It's a wicked expensive repair...over $2000 to get everything done to get that piece of crap back on the road. *sighs*

My stove also decided, apparently, that my cleaning the oven was too much of a shock to it's system. I inherited that stove from DH's first marriage. I don't think they EVER cleaned the oven. So I did. Now see, I already was down to one large burner being pretty much level and working normally, and the one small burner being off level, and working normally. The other large one doesn't work, and the other small one is toast. Well.... the day I cleaned the oven, the big one that does work decided it was in too much pain to work. Go figure.

I got absolutely zero stitching done this weekend *sighs* I meant to, I truely did.

Ya'll take care!

Some Changes!!!

Well I've been doing some stuff!! Thanks to some friends, I've got some pictures, and a new template. I'm happier... I was whining there for a while. I think I managed to keep all my posts, and all my comments too!!Let me know what you think!

Peeking in for a moment...

Hiya everyone... thanks so much for the words of encouragement... they've meant a lot to me. A bunch of you have even gone so far as to e-mail me privately, and that has been wonderful.

Saturday was Valentine's Day... and I had a wonderful day. I even got flowers and candy, although my husband had to rely on cunning and improvisation ( he swears he had a plan--he had no plan lol). But my day wasn't wonderful because I got flowers, or candy. I don't even know if I can put it into words.

We took the kids out for dinner. It seemed appropriate... we've been married just 3 months exactly on the big V-Day, and the day after we took the kids out too :) We went to a period type diner--you know those fifties types... all red and black and poodle skirts. We had great food, for just a little bit of money... well within the small budget we'd worked out. I really wanted to do something with the kids, you see. We went to pick up groceries too (hence how my husband got me candy and flowers *grins* He got lucky!) We laughed and joked and got ice cream, and it was a lovely time. And on the way home we all sang to the songs on the CD we were listening to. One of the songs was the new remake of "Drift Away". Talk about bridging the generational gaps. My husband-37, myself-32, my stepson-14, and my daughter-6-- all singing our hearts out and if I might brag since I think we all have pretty decent voices--harmonizing incredibly well. We've done it before. I've thought it really special each time it's happened. But on a day that is over commercialized and over-everything.... this was what made my day special. My family.. singing a song together, in a dark car, on the way home from a great dinner with grocery shopping behind us and treats for each waiting in the trunk. I couldn't have asked for anything more. My heart swelled with so much love it brought tears to my eyes and I actually had to stop singing for a moment, just like my eyes are welling up with tears now. Happy tears. I am so blessed. I have this family.... these wonderful kids, a great husband... and on the day of Love...when it's supposed to be all about Love.... it *was* all about Love... so much love that we were all ready to Drift Away....

Ya'll take care of yourselves...

*slips away again singing "gimme the beat now and free my soul...." *

Public Service Announcement...

I'm going on hiatus... a leave of absence so to speak...
My stress levels are off the charts, and I need to back away from a bunch of things to try and even out.
The internet/boards/chats are definately among that group.

I'm sure i'll be back, hopefully better :) Thanks !