How I wish I could stop time...

This has been one heck of a week... My grandmother was finally diagnosed officially with Alzheimer's and is now living in a home so we know she'll be taken care of. I hope that by the time I can get to PA again, she'll still know me. But if she doesn't, all I pray is that she is in a happy place in her mind.

My mom's best friend, and second mother to me died on Monday. She was so much a part of my life when I needed someone to help me interpret adult, and to help my parents understand teenager. I didn't know she was so sick, but pancreatic cancer is like that. I wish I could make it for the funeral, I don't see how that's possible right now. And it just brings back the sense of loss I've had since June. God speed and God Bless Sharon. I love you.

Fundraiser Time again!

What a year it's been! With getting Tory stable this year, and how awful her experiences she had with kids in her class last year, she remembers how wonderful she felt being a the high salesperson in her grade last year. She told me that some of the kids are hoping she is high sales again and are rooting for her, she said. The sparkle was back in her eyes, and with the summer we've had, that hasn't been there in a while. So I'm putting the info out there again if anyone would like to help her-she would be so excited and grateful! The orders have to be in on September 26th. As far as I remember, shipping is pretty hefty, so if you just want something small I'll be happy to add onto my physical order :) The wrapping paper is very worth it though!

Here's the link:
http://www.innisbrook.com/acb/basket/index_child_reg.cfm?internet_id=I51805B&DID=7

If that doesn't work, please email me if you're interested, and I'll email you and send you the info. Thanks so much!

And more wonderous mail...

Well this seems to be my week :)I got a lovely little thing in the mail again yesterday. I certainly wasn't expecting anything. I pulled a thick yellow envelope from my box addressed to me from The Stash Fairy. Now I know a few Stash Fairys, but none of them really are on good terms with me since I stopped acquiring stash at my past rate (faerys don't do abstinence well so it seems), so I wasn't sure what this was.

I opened it up and out fell Liz Turner Diehl's 15th Century European Medieval Herb Garden Chart. Wow. And not only was it a chart I've longed for for some time, it was signed.... to me. Double wow. A small note to me from the sweet person who did this just let me know I should enjoy, and that was that.

Honestly, it has been a bang-on week for mail for me. Stash Fairy, whomever you are disguised as this week--Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You brought a bright smile to my face this day. The chart is lovely, and the thought that went into having the designer sign it, and having it personalized warms me to the core. You are truly special.

Take care of yourselves.

Sometimes it's the little things...

I love to get mail. E-mail, snail mail. It doesn't really matter, if it's mail i love to get it. There's always a little thrill I guess, waiting to see if there's the pleasure of hearing from someone or getting an unexpected surprise, or even just learning about something for the first time (like from my husband's obsession with Scientific American).

But it's the totally unexpected, that is the most incredble, I think. Like the package I got this week. I'd been sick with some silly bug I caught from my stepson, and hadn't gotten to the mail for a few days. On Saturday we finally made it to the post office, and there's a package for me. I wasn't expecting anything since I'm not buying any cross stitch stuff now, so it was surprising. The return address was a familiar one, a friend I count as a good and close one. I smiled, wondering what was in store for me. What spilled into my lap brought tears to my eyes.

See, on August 28th, I was baptized. Myself, with 8 babies in my church. It was a sight to behold lol. It was done with little fanfare, but much meaning, and I told very few people. And my friend sent me some blessed things to mark this important day for me. A beautiful Rosary, a Celtic prayer book, and some other things of faith. It matters not I don't share her exact beliefs, these things are gorgeous, and I am so blessed she cared enough to send them.

On a weekend I was facing the financial woes of heating my home this winter with the cost of heating oil soaring through the roof, it was a much welcomed "little blessing". Thank you so much.

Some Gems...

Stolen from a Garden Princess (wonder if she'll notice!)

No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
Most people will be about as happy as they decide to be.
Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will have.
Success stops when you do.
When your ship comes in...make sure you are willing to unload it.
You will never "have it all together."
Life is a journey...not a destination. Enjoy the trip!
The biggest lie on the planet: "When I get what I want, I will be happy."
The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.
I've learned that ultimately, "takers" lose and "givers" win.
Life's precious moments don't have value unless they are shared.
If you don't start, you certainly won't arrive.
We often fear the thing we want most.
He or she who laughs, lasts.
Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
Look for opportunities, not guarantees.
Life is what's coming...not what was.
Success is getting up one more time.
Now is the most interesting time of all.
When things go wrong...don't go with them.

Tidbits to live by!

Wow, is my schedule full!!

I'm doing PTO and by all accounts the first part of the year is hell... With church activities, and the fact that I don't and haven't had time to search for a co-leader... I'm really re-evaluating my ability to lead GS this year. I just don't want the girls disappointed. I'm not sure i'm all that good at it anyways. I'm hoping when I call the new Brownie leader I'll hear someone has said something :) That way I can gracefully withdraw without harm to the girls.

Regrets...

Losing my FIL without ever *really* telling him how much I loved him, respected him, and how grateful I was to him has made me really examine my life. Do the people I care about know it? Have I done things I need to make amends for? Are there things I feel I deserve amends for that just don't matter anymore?

The answer is a resounding yes on the last 2, and Lord I hope so on the first one. It has also left me with a whole bunch of regrets...

I regret...
-I was never able to have a second child when I still possibly could have.
-I have a horrid temper
-that there are people I have hurt over the years that I cannot find to make amends.
-that there are those I am fighting with that we cannot see our way clear to fix it.
-I do not spend more time stitching
-I do not call my grandmother enough.
-I am not always the wife I want to be
-I certainly am not the best at cleaning my house.

My reflections have also left me with a profound sense of gratitude and celebration! We are so lucky in this world, whatever-where ever we are.

I celebrate...
-My beautiful, smart, funny, witty and oh so sweet daughter.
-The 3 years I had with my Father In Law.. thank You Ray.
-My husband, without whom I would be lost and half of myself.
-lifelong friends who forgive me nearly anything-thank you Crys.
-friends I can be totally candid with and who love me anyways-thank you Misty, Cathy, Stacey & Niki. I love you.
-other close friends I am not sure they'd be okay with their names here :)
-Being poor, having been on welfare, and a single mom. It makes me more grateful than I can express for my bounty now.
-My return to God. I cannot imagine having survived the last 3 months without the embrace of God comforting me.

I know there are so many more of both regrets and celebrations. These are the ones I think of now as I cry tears of sorrow and joy. Take care of yourselves.

Angi

The March of Time...

Well we're 1/3rd of the way into August, and I can't help but marvel at how fast the summer seems to have flown by. June disappeared into sadness, a funeral and grief that not even my birthday on July 3rd could pull me out of. July was spent working so hard at trying to be okay, that I forgot to do a traditional thing for my baby's 8th birthday on July 24th-a week I was trapped in PA with parents I'm never going to be a good enough Mom for.

We got back just in time for the alien to start GS Camp-yeap the camp I helped fight so hard for. I'm still trapped in my own sadness, I'm not sure when this gets easier? I hope it does, that's for sure! Right now, my excitement seems limited to watching the panda baby and mom at the National Zoo! That's truly sad, I know!

**** WARNING!! Sappy Proud Mom Moment Follows!! ****

I had a moment this past spring, when spring school pictures came out. These are always the "better" pictures-nice backrounds, posed, etc. When we got the pictures back this year-that was no 'little' girl staring at the camera with a confidant " I can conquer the world with my smile" expression on her face. That was a young lady, with an clear vision swimming there of the teen she will become. I was heartbroken. Where did the baby go?? She's tall now, and I HOPE she'll be taller than my own 5'3 1/4". I cling to that quarter inch, I assure you! She's outgrown shoes I got her this JUNE already-we had the joy of beginning school shopping this weekend. I have a feeling she's getting ready to spurt a few more inches. But she is growing up, so fast. Too fast, it seems to me.

She got CD players for her birthday-a desk one from my parents, and a portable from Daddy :) She also got tons of CD's. She goes *nowhere* without her headphones on now, and drifts to sleep with music. Again, a vision of the future. We were at the bookstore yesterday, she was picking out a CD and 4 books to use her birthday money on. A woman there, a teacher, was stunned such a young girl would choose to read, instead of say video games, or some such. We don't have a PS2, or gamecube, or any of the other game consoles in the house, nor will we ever. There are books on every available surface it seems, and to this household, reading is as important as breathing. My little crafty one also recognized the young woman was crocheting, which impressed the lady more.

So my ramble comes to this...I guess we're doing something right. Miss Thing is polite to adults, curteous in public and well (and soft) spoken. She reads voraciously (she just started Harry Potter 1 and is almost done), and she loves to write stories and cross stitch and color. She's improved in cleaning up after herself, and picking up her room. She even helps in the kitchen now. I'm so proud of the young girl she is becoming. She exceeds even my dreams of her.

She is, in my husband's words... Glorious.

I saw it!!

After many days of watching the beautiful new Panda mom, hearing the baby demanding food and attention, I finally got to see the baby!! Mei Xiang, the panda momma, has been quite attentive to her newborn cub, and last night she seemed to know that millions (I don't know how many others are as odd as I am!) wanted to her see her beautiful baby. The baby was making noises that I've come to associate with hunger, and she rolled to sit up, and layed the cub for just a moment on the straw of her bed. She hovered, but sat there as if to say "Here's your chance!" and the people who take care of her-watching through the same camera feed I can ZOOOOMMMEEED in right away. The baby is all white I think, and sooo tiny! So helpless looking! I need to research more about pandas and cubs ;) But she let the baby lay there for a minute, and then picked it up, cuddling and nursing it. It was incredible! I'm such a nerd, but I love things like this. I don't do being "in" nature well, but I so love things like this. If you want to see too, Mei Xiang & baby. I haven't loved something this much since I watched the storks hatching last year on live camera!

Still here, I swear
As I have learned, dear friends-life moves onward. I've always known that, but it's never been demonstrated to me so clearly as it has these last few weeks. While my heart, and DH's would rather time just stand still, it can't. So--Onward (and upwards) I hope.

Having been newly Christian again now this past year, taking baby steps in my faith towards growth and knowledge, I never realized the comfort God could give. The strength and the warm feeling of being held. I am so grateful that the Lord is a loving God. The morning of Ray's memorial, I was driven to find a cross and necklace. I'd been searching for one for a while, but that day it seemed necessary. We found one, and I'd been wearing it ever since. Yesterday morning, it broke. The rope chain snapped. I was heart broken, nearly in tears. But my husband reminded me that the necklace was an outward and visible sign of an inward and perfect grace. He's right, of course (ya know I hate typing that!) I still feel odd without the necklace. I'm not sure if you can get rope chain's repaired, and even so we're doing way too much to keep our heads above water to do it.

I'm stitching again! Seem obsessed by it yet again, so this is a good thing. I have a lot of obligation stitching to catch up on, so I've been doing those here and there, trying to get things complete. THere is SO much I want to do and patterns I want to complete-I need to clone myself several times. I need a Chatelaine clone Angi, a Mirabilia clone Angi, I need a clone to finish The Minstrel from TW, and so on. BUT! I want like a Borg like mind link, so I get to experience the pleasure of stitching these charts too! I don't want much, eh ? :)

Well, it's time to take the alien to drama class (not sure she needs it, but hey) so off I go! Y'all be good to yourselves.

Into the Swing again...

We're trying to get back to life normal here, with laundry, housecleaning, cooking and the like. There's stuff to finish up from when we were gone, and just everyday life. I am doing the best I can at it.

I'm not dealing with all this as well as I would like. Maybe it's because this is the first time i've ever lost anyone I care about. I don't know... but that's how I feel-lost. We have no community here, really. No one to rally around. I did get a lovely sympathy card from Kari-thank you so much. I know the best way to get through this is just keep on keepin on. And I'm trying.

I have *no* urge to stitch, I have not much desire to read. I just want to sleep... and today am fighting the typical everyday headache i've been getting. But there are swim lessons to arrange, and meals to be cooked. Laundry isn't giving me a break either, so it's back to the grind I go.

Love well, and tell each other often.

A life well lived
65 years seems like a long time at times. Today, to me, 65 years isn't enough. My father-in-law passed away in the early hours of this morning. About ten minutes before 3 am. The family-his wife and three kids-were on their way, but Ray was too tired, and was ready to go home. He slipped away a few minutes before they got there to say goodbye. He'd fought for over a week against lungs that were continually filling with blood, for reasons we still do not know. He is at peace, and content now. It is the job of the living now to deal with the pain, and our loss.

I was only blessed with him in my life for 3 years or so. It's not been enough time, but it has been enough for me to love and cherish him as my own family. A man who welcomed my daughter and I into his family eagerly, willingly and with great love. A more wonderful FIL I couldn't have asked for, who gave hugs and comfort and reassurance to me on so many things.

Godspeed Ray. You will be missed deeply. I pray you watch over us. I love you.

Well, I knew it all along!

You scored as Faerie. Faerie: Aren't you a cute little flying person? Faeries are earth spirits. They live among each element completely hidden. They have cousins called Pixies. Pixies however, are very mischevious. They enjoy tormenting other creatures for fun. Little pranksters.. I hope you never meet one. Pixies have a bad reputation for finding a creature and clinging to them until death. Faeries can be somewhat close to a Pixie, but mostly they are loving, playful, and carry with them a child-like enthusiasm for life. Hide among the pedals of a Daisy, you are a Faerie. Faerie 75% Mermaid 58% Angel 58% WereWolf 42% Dragon 8% Demon 0% What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!) created with QuizFarm.com

Business....

Today's post is more buisness than pleasure... I've been away for so long.. but 2 things really. I am sure most people remember my talking about the Girl Scout camp, and the fight to keep it open. The Council allowed us to keep the camp open, but won't be redeeming any "cookie dough" (what the girls earned selling cookies) for actual money to the camp. The Camp is accepting cookie dough, but will have to fundraise to cover all that $. *sighs* When I first posted about all of this, several people had said they'd be interested in sending donations... if anyone still is interested, please email for the address. faerystitch @ metrocast . net

Second, since the boards are down, I'm posting my "for sale" list here. Paypal is preferred and shipping with vary with purchase. Thanks!
Hand dyed Fabrics:
Picture THis Plus:
Highland-13x18 28 Cashel $10

Sugar Maple Fabrics:
High Noon 13x18 Jubilee 28 $7
Lapus-13x18 28 Jazlyn Opalescent $10
Griffon-18x26 Belfast $18
Mystic Glade-18x26 Belfast $18

Original TBN:
Rosebud 28 Cashel 18x26 - $20
Seamist 32 Belfast 18x26 - $20

Stitches and Spice (Australian company)
Moonshadows-18x26 Jobelan 28 $13

Kiwi Illusions:
Rimu 28 Lugana 18x26 $14

Silkweaver:
Sundown 28 ct LInen 9x13 -$3
Tan 36 ct Linen 9x13 $3

Charts:
Dragon Dreams-here Be Dragons $6
Enchanting Lair- Queen's Rule $5
Pawprintings- Renaissance $9
Pawprintings- Malachite-Blackwork Beginnings $8
Sweetheart Tree Kit-Fancy Heart $12
M Designs-Insect Sampler (pretty) $4
TW Designworks- Celtic Inspiration Collection - $7
Patricia Allison-Summer Sun-$5
Stoney Creek Collection-Frightfully Friendly Stitches Book 304-$6
Stardust-Snowbirds $6
Stardust-Come All Ye Faithful $6

I've not disappeared...

Just really busy... and I wanted to let Kari, Dana, Cathy, and Sharon all know I've seen the tags, and I'm trying to get the entries done...I promise this week, somehow.

Take care of yourselves...

What a whirlwind few days!
Wow, it's been a busy couple of days here!! I haven't updated (not really) in close to a week, and what a week it's been! Between church activities, Tory's softball, Brownies, etc-I'm suprised I can breathe! I've really been thinking about the whole Girl Scout thing, and I don't think I'm going to return next year as a leader. I've loved every second of what I've done this year, but there's some things going on with my own kid that my being so busy affects badly. So I'll be trying to figure out exactly what will be best in the next few weeks.

Tory had her first softball game on Friday nite. They are a rookie team, so it's coach pitching. They did really well! I was so proud of them. Some girls on both teams still needed to use the tee, for confidence, but the teams had a great time!
She was supposed to have her second game on Sat, but it got rained out. Is it EVER going to get warm ???

Saturday the kiddo started getting sick-not sure if it's caused by her new meds, or by a tummy bug. She's still got it today so we're off to the dr at 11:30. I doubt we'll make it to choir and softball practice tonight then.

The most exciting thing that happened this weekend was winning tickets off the radio station to go see 3 Doors Down in Manchester! It was pure luck, trust me! It was one of those "be the tenth caller" things, and I won! We were just pulling out of the softball game, so I was lucky I even had cell service!!

I found out though, that at the same arena Def Leppard is touring with Tesla. *sighs* When I was younger, I wanted to see Bon Jovi and Def Leppard more than anything. I've seen Bon Jovi, and it would be just $110 (2 tickets, all ticketmaster fees inc.) to see them WITH Tesla!! If I just sold 5 more fobs lol! Ahh well, it'd be nice, and it's really cool I won tickets to 3 Doors Down!

Off to get the kiddo ready for the dr's! You take care now!

Mystery 8 progress!!

So here is my progress on Chatelain's Mystery 8.  I'm officially through 1/4th of part 3.  I still have to do part 4 and 5 before June 1st to be all caught up!  Somehow I doubt that is happening!

Goooood Friday morning!
As I sit here waiting for my tea to finish steeping, so I can have my first burst of caffiene for the day, I marvel at something. I'm really tired. I didn't get to sleep until after 2am. This used to happen a lot, but now it's become so rare I could hardly believe it myself!

I STITCHED!!! Until 2 am!!!! I didn't even want to go to bed *then* but my eyes were crossing and my body was shutting down on me. Now, I was working on Mystery 8, so you can't tell I did 4 hours on it... but *I* Can!

We met with our rector yesterday to start the process for our 're-wedding' in July. Hopefully I can catch our music director soon--I want to ask if he'll play the harp! We're just going to have this done during regular Sunday morning services, which my rector was quite excited about!

From there it was off to the stitching social. Dd was relatively well behaved, but I don't think I'll go back to the Thursday socials. Just a feeling I get that I shouldn't if I have DD. Not everyone has patience with kids, and no everyone has to put up with them... so. :)

I haven't gotten any orders in my pampered chef catalog party *sigh* Ahh well. I'm not supposed to close it until May 22, but I doubt it will be necessary.

Today is grocery shopping day. Figures that it's the first day all week that the sun is out, and there is the *possibility* I could do yardwork. Humph. Stupid weather!

Y'all take care!

In Pursuit of Perfection...
I was talking to 2 of my best friends on IM last night, something I haven't had tons of time to do lately. I'd just gotten home from a long day, tucked the alien into bed and was settling down to do my computer stuff-check email, check on the boards I admin, balance the checkbook *blech*, etc. Between both conversations, the subjects turned to life's stresses and how we deal with them. One artsy friend is stressing about her husband's anniversary present, another bright friend is struggling with some personal issues.

I have developed over the last couple of months a much different outlook on life. It's not something I've been really public about, due to it being a massive change from my former beliefs. My family and I started going to church again--the Episcopal church. It has made such a difference in our lives. Most of my life I had felt failed by God and fellow Christians...failed in situations that happened quite a long time ago. I'd been feeling tugged by certain situations over the last 2 years--I describe it now as God had me on a fishing reel, and was slowly pulling me in. It has made such an infinite difference in how I view stressors-money, kids, friends, time, schedules. I spend a lot of time in prayer-although I don't think my prayer is much like anyone else's. I have an incredible pair of rectors at my church, one of whom is female. Heath is one of those people that literally to me, glows with the joy of God, with the calling to minister. If you're interested, here's the link to my parish. St. Pauls Church of Concord NH

It's become so important to us as a family, that we are having our marriage officially blessed by the church this summer. None of our parents nor most of our family were able to make our quick civil wedding in November of 2003. All of our family are coming, and we've worked it out so it's right about when both kids' birthdays are! How's that for scheduling! I've never been baptised, so I'm in the middle of confirmation classes, and will be baptised and confirmed on June 12th. DD has joined the children's choir, and loves every minute of it!

So I realized-- my life in some areas is little better than in the past. We still struggle with getting my support checks in time, DH and I have still had some epic fights, stretching the budget still sucks up so much of time and energy, and then there's DD's behaviours. She's the love of my life, but the greatest challenge of it as well. And I realized recently, my stressors didn't really change--I changed. I changed how I react, how I plan and how I deal. I changed, not the situations. I'm sure it sounds hokey, and trite, and canned--but I have a greater strength now. I'm not dealing with my stressors alone anymore... I have help. I have God beside me... carrying me when I need it most. I've missed this feeling of peace all my life, and I'm slowly regaining it. And Thank God.

Wait, where did spring go?
As I dig out from beneath the blankets and down comforter this morning, my teeth chattering and absolutely dreading stepping on my bare floor, I can't help but wonder--Where the heck did spring go???

Two weeks ago we had temps in the low to mid 60's, night temps the mid to high 40's. All was decently well with my world. At one point I even contemplated packing away the source of fuzzy-warm goodness (the down comforter, not DH). Boy am I glad I was a bit lazy that day!!

It's school vacation week, which means let's *hope* DD makes it ;) Actually we have a bunch of stuff planned-just no Brownie activities since all the kids are off school. It's odd not seeing the girls :)

A door closed yesterday, and that was hard. I am glad though that I took the steps I took. At class last week, we were discussing maxims. We all passed them around, and when one struck you in particular, you kept the board and then read it and spoke about it. Mine was the one about forgiveness-not seven times seven.. but seventy times seven. That is always so hard for me, a struggle to see past the hurts and the words. It's a big thing for DH and I, and between my parents and I. But I spent a lot of time in prayer yesterday and last night, and this morning I can say... I forgive. I've already said I'm sorry. I've done what I need to do for my own peace.

Ya'll take care :)

Monday, Schmunday...

It doesn't feel like Monday. That would probably be because my DD has the week off of school, so I got to sleep until the ripe ole time of 8:30 am. The alien girlchild just woke up (it's nearly 9). I also have the overgrown boychild here, attitude and all. He's also off school. *insert hair pulling icon here*

The weekend was interesting, in an odd, head-tilting sort of way. Friday nite was DD's first softball practice, and as the team is "coach-less", all the parents agreed to drill the kids. It was fun actually!. Saturday was DD's psych appt--as I suspected, the dr. doubled her meds. *sighs* I am truly praying this will help, as twice this week I've gotten 2 page notes about her actions. Sunday I didn't have class at church, and it seemed to throw everyone's day off. We all sorta didn't know what to do, to top it off-it was raining outside.

I stitched some too, not much. Infinitely more than I have been, however. Two stitches would have been more than I have been. I got chocolate in the mail too, from the UK. My favorite kind. I was confused there for a while too, and part of me confesses, perhaps a little hopeful. *smiles* I shouldn't have been either confused, or hopeful. Seems my receipt of this delight was set up ages ago, and not what I thought it might have been. Ahhh well.

I'm not going to be able to get my yard work done this week, if this dratted rain doesn't go away!!! I had big plans...*thumbs her nose at the rain*

Ya'll have a great day!

Wow--a long break

And boy did I need it! But things are sorta settling back into place these days, except for the filled dates in my datebook... one of the reasons I've not updated in quite some time is that, well, I've been busy. I got a real honest to goodness life--something I've been gently told and sarcastically suggested to many times.

Since you've seen me last here is a short list of things I've been doing:
-Buying a new van! We finally have a second car, and thanks to a buy-here pay-here place, we were able to afford a *much* nicer car than we thought. We ended up getting a 2001 Ford Windstar with relatively low miles! I have a mini-van now! I'm a true soccer/softball mom/Girl Scout leader now! :) And the icing on the cake is that the van is *silver* *Squeeeeee* I've only had the van for 13 days, but I'm not sure how we've lived without another car for so long!!!
-Getting DD into therapy to try and stabalize her. She's also on new medicine, with a new stricter regime here at home and school. She is most likely an early onset bi-polar disorder (and we won't even touch on how much I ache with guilt because of my genetics). She is slowly evening out, but it's been a rough 2 months.
-Focusing on a friend who is in an abusive marriage. She has been pretty fragile, and I've been spending every available moment with her--she's getting stronger thought, and hopefully will be ready to change her situation soon. I'm so so so proud of her!!
-Hitting hyper-drive with Girl Scout activties. We have meetings *every* Tuesday now, and there aren't many Saturdays we don't have something planned in the end of the year crush. We're also planning a kick-butt fly-up/bridging ceremony.
-Having nearly *every* day booked in my planner-softball, brownies, school trips, church functions, classes. I'm so seriously busy, but I'm SO seriously loving it!!
-Gathering information and support in the PTO--I'm running for secretary for this next year. It's going to be a blast!!!

That's the cliff notes version of my life lately... The rest of it is awesome! My marriage is healthy and strong, my children are improving slowly with commitment and work. I've got flowers to plant, and am focusing on getting our yard in shape. I've become a better housekeeper, a better mother, a better wife, and a better friend--at least I think. But the bottom line in my feeling is... I've become a better me. I'm happier and more stable than I can ever remember being, and I thank God for it.

So... I must run! Oh-yes. What you see very *little* of on there is stitching. *sighs* I have lost my desire for it... it's more effort lately I think than it's worth. I don't know why, or if i'll ever be in love with it like I have been. I hope so, since I have tons of things I want to finish. We'll see how I figure out how to cope with that. It's the only shadow in my happiest of happy days lately. I'm working on it...because if I don't fall back in love with it, I'm going to need to sell all this stuff!!!LOL

Have a *great* day, take care of yourself!

Yeah, I'm done with that..
It’s February alright. I’m tired of snow and cold (yet another 8 inches of snow on Monday). The annual BB blow-ups are occurring. I’m tired of the colour white—thank God I haven’t tried to stitch on anything white. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t succeed. The hereditary Seasonal Affective Disorder is starting to seriously kick my ass every year, which is no surprise. I’ve watched it get worse and worse in my mom over the years. I’m hanging on to my bi-polar management by a very thin thread. Which brings me to my point today, my topic. There are some things that I’ve just decided I’m done with. I’m through thinking about them. I’m seriously over talking about them. And I’m DONE worrying about them.

1. My aborted trip to Nashville: It was sad, and painful. But in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t a major catastrophe. I don’t know who caused the issues. I will never know. Now, I’m done with worrying or thinking about it. I refuse to speculate, or try and figure it out. It’s impossible. It can’t be figured out by any other means than calling Nashville organizes and demanding the information. And you know what? It’s NOT worth it. I really don’t care who it was anymore. What I care about most was the amazing show of support, love and commiseration I got from so many on the board. I was able to see how I’m truly seen by those I respect, and even by those who don’t really know me. It was incredible, and I was in tears of joy more than tears of sorrow when I saw that many see me as honorable, with integrity and honesty. That means more to me than a trip. So I’m done with that.

2. Board controversy & strife: I’m learning I can’t fix everything, even if I’m friends with all parties involved. I’m learning it’s not my JOB to try and keep things smoothed out. My only responsibilities are what *I* say and do. Therefore, I will only concentrate on my own actions and reactions. I will not involve myself in personal conflicts and problems. I will love my friends, and learn about and get to know new people. I will cultivate patience (don’t choke, I’m seriously trying). I will actually concentrate on *stitching* on the stitching boards. Imagine how much more stitching I will get done.

3. Closed-mindedness: You might think this is more centered in number 2, but in reality I’ve just about had it with this in my everyday life as well. I’m done worrying about or freaking out about closed minded people. If you aren’t open to new ideas, that’s not my problem-and that was the “collective you” I’m referring to. I’m open to all SORTS of ideas… if I wasn’t, I’d never have found half of my friends on the boards, I’d never have branched into specialty stitches, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have taken over my daughter’s Brownie Troop.

4. My house: I’m done worrying about the fact I’m not Martha Stewart or June Cleaver. My house is lived in and damn messy. It’s a piece of crap house that’s falling apart. I can’t fix it all right now. I can’t fix it all tomorrow. I’m taking it one day at a time, and I’m done apologizing for it.

I’m sure there’s more for my list if I really think about it. But right now I’m having my own little crisis in my Brownie troop involving some missing tickets for Disney on Ice this Friday. I seriously have some more important things to do right now.

Y’all take care of yourselves. No one else will. :)

It's been a week
One full of ups and downs, to be sure. I think I'm on some cosmic junket with regards to health. I was sick, probably 98% of December. It was awful. January and up until this last week have been good, relatively smooth. I should have known the train was coming back around. Last week it was headaches and sinus stuff. This week it's still that, but throw in a UTI for fun. yeah... anything but. So I'm sick again, what's new--what's next.

I've been stitching...got a great portion of Mystery 8 part 2 done, and I'm officially done with Part 1 except the beading. *wahooo!* Chatelaines are going to be the death of me, but OH what a way to go!

Ya'll take care of yourselves :)

Not as okay as I thought...
So the Nashville reports have started, and The designs being released this time are lovely and more incredible than I thought. As I sat looking through the various pictures, reports, etc last night... I realized that I'm not as "okay" with what happened as I thought I was. By no means does that indicate any upset with my LNS, at ALL. I would NEVER have been upset with their business decision, and I agree with it 100%. It is the vile, small, jealous person who used a lie to strip this from me that is the direction of my fury.
It truly isn't that I didn't get to go see all the new designs first--but more that I wasn't able to meet people I admire, and friends of my heart. My LNS owner ran into Jennifer Aikmen-Smith of Dragon Dreams waiting for her shuttle on Friday morning. Which means I would have been in the same hotel. I *love* Dragon Dreams designs, I have at least 35 of them (which is not holding a *candle* to Misty, but hey). It would have been a dream to sit and chat with her (and to feel like a pudgy hobbit next to her! LOL). Or meeting Nan Caldera of Just Nan. Wow, would I have been overjoyed. Her band sampler charts (I have nearly 100 of her designs in my stash) have brought me so much stitching joy, and were the push I needed to really learn to stitch specialty stitches. I regret that I wasn't able to thank her in person. It would have been lovely to see Jo Fisher again, and to see in person how she finished the model I did for her, the Celtic Birth Sampler. It was the first model I'd done for a designer of a design no one else had seen. I enjoyed every second of it. And to be able to shake hands with the Fantasy Queen Herself, Teresa Wentzler--I have met her once before at CATS Hershey. She is from a town very close to where I grew up. I totally bungled my first meeting with her.. she's so much taller than her chart pictures look! She is a lovely graceful lady, and my treasured picture with her was lost with my computer crashed. I had had hopes of taking another. *smiles*
And then, there's the friends of the heart that I missed out on. Dana (thutmosis) has been such a sweet, dear friend. I think I was almost more excited to meet her finally! Wendy, whose birthday I have missed now Happy Birthday Wendy!. She and her husband were coming to meet me-I was going to have a surprise for her! Tastykake snacks-from Pennsylvania. A favourite childhood treat for both of us. Cheryl (momstitches) was there too. I would have loved to see her beautiful stitching, and meet her face to face.
Ah well. No, I'm not as okay as I thought. I will be, and I struggle to come to terms with some things that I am trying to teach my daughter. Life is not fair. Truth doesn't always win. People can be very cruel. Protect your heart.
Take care of yourselves.

More Lessons...
For a quasi New Year's resolution..I decided I needed to be more of a presence on the various BB's I'm a part of. I used to be quite active, and then quite some time ago, my life pretty much fell apart--it boiled over to my board presence and I disappeared. When I came back, I stayed low... quiet. Out of sight, out of mind, so to speak. I have friends and acquaintances I would speak to in email, or AIM or Yahoo. But I would rarely post on boards, and very *rarely* start a thread. So..this year, I decided I should be more involved in this community that has given much to me. Meet new people, be more vocal.

I'm learning that wasn't such a good resolution. It opens me up to new people and new ideas, yes. It also opens me up to disapproval, pain, and anger. The lesson I learned today is that I can't react rationally when I feel someone is trying to tell me how to parent my child, when they don't *know* my child. Or commenting on my child's behaviour, when they don't really know her, or seem to listen to descriptions of her. Especially if those people either don't have children, or (like my parents) raised their kids long ago. That isn't the other people's fault, to be sure. I have little ability to put distance between myself and the subject... I'm not sure how much distance I would *want* to put there in dealing with her. Parenting a severe ADHD child can test saints, and is far beyond the realm of regular parenting. Trust me, I'm no saint nor am I any way, shape or form a candidate for Mother of the Year. But I love my daughter, and keep trying to find ways to help her grow and mature.

For now, though... I think subjects dealing with my daughter need to stay *off* the boards.

A Lesson to be learned...
Isn't that what your parents told you after any disappointment in your life? Or after something that was perhaps very painful? I know my mom told me that everytime, and often. There was a lesson to be learned in my first heartbreak, and another being the only fat, unpopular girl in my class. If you asked me the ultimate event I learned a "lesson" from, it would have been my 16th birthday party. I am a summer baby, which meant I had to give invitations at the end of school, and hope people remembered. They didn't. I stood in my pink & white decorated basement, and was crushed. Not Surprised, mind you, but crushed. Until this week, I would have said that was close to the most unfair "lesson" I'd ever had to learn.

Until this week. I am working very hard at trying to find the "good" in what's happened to me this week. Perhaps it is that my daughter obviously needed me, and therefore it's good I didn't get to go to Nashville. Perhaps it was the snowstorm moving in, or something I don't yet know. But there must be *something*, right? Because otherwise the complete and utter unfairness of what someone did to me this week will forever live in memory as the "worst" lesson learned. I did nothing wrong, and yet was accused of things that most who know me, know I wouldn't do. I am missing the opportunity to meet people I refer to as "family of the heart", and it is basically because of someone who either hates me - personally or for the chance I was getting, or someone so petty and worried about competition they would willingly say something not only untrue, but VERY destructive about me. That is what makes me hurt, and angry. It was SO CLEAR I wasn't doing what I was accused of, but yet it didn't stop someone from making an accusation. The snowball effect was .... painful. People I've come to care about felt perhaps trapped, perhaps nervous--and made the only decision they could have--one in fact that I would have insisted upon, had I known about the problem. But it still hurts I won't get to meet Dana, or Wendy, or perhaps Cheryl. I am sorry, to all of you for the disappointment. I'm grateful, too, for the support and sweet kind words I've read. It helps to know that people really do believe I am honorable, and act with integrity. That helps so much.

I wanted to rave and cry about the unfairness of life--but it is what it is. People I wanted to 'take care of' with my attention to detail on this trip will still mostly be taken care of. The quiet time I desperately needed will *sorta* come on Saturday. Today, my angelbaby and I are having a "mental health" day. We might have another one tomorrow. I *want* to have a massive retail therapy spree, but being the responsible, bill paying adult I've become (snorts) I can't do that. Not that I *need* more stash anyways. I am trying to soothe my soul in other ways. I am concentrating on the positive. I'm giving my little girl LOTS of hugs. There's not much else I can do, but I'm working on making that enough.

Ya'll take care of yourselves, K ? **hugs* to you all.

A Finish for me!
I have done a model this year for DinkyDyes, a teeny finish for a gift (2"x2")and now I've finished a WIP that was a gift to me from a dear friend. This one is all mine! I proudly present Just Nan's Pearl Orchid.

Well, you chose to move there!
If you know me, even slightly, you know I'm not an outdoors person. There's a lot of other things I'm *not* on a serious basis, like a morning person, but I'm really not an outdoors person. When it's summer, there's bugs, and the heat, when it's springtime, there's the hatching spiders and the rain... in the autumn, after the gorgeous colours-all those leaves fall, bringing in ants, and mess. But there's a special season reserved for the most direct loathing, in my eyes.

Winter. Cold. Snow. Freezing temperatures, slippery roads, people driving either so conservatively they are a menace, or people driving without a seeming care in the world, which is a whole different type of danger. Snow... that really pretty white stuff... I like to see it on the trees, on the yard, perhaps even on the house. But isn't there something that could be done about it falling on the roads ? Did I mention cold? I am not a good "cold" person. I whine. I moan. I hibernate. Yes, I am much like a big fat bear, in more ways than one.

So... hating winter as I do, and cold, and definately snow..WHY am I living in New Hamster .. I mean New Hampshire? Home of the Frozen North (sorta). Where this year alone we've already had about 30 inches of snow? THIRTY INCHES. probably a bit more. Where today, when my child has off school, and I have a full day of errands, stitch-shopping-where she was going to start learning to stitch, and I was going to get to spend time at my awesome LNS, take my bright child to lunch at Pizza Hut where she gets a free pizza for being an awesome reader, and grocery shopping (yes I'm one of those nuts that enjoys grocery shopping)... today when I have ALL that planned, scheduled and happily plotted, it dumps FIVE INCHES of SNOW on me overnight. Not just snow. Heavy, WET wnow. All the schools in the area are delayed. NH got a sucker punch surprise, no one was really prepared for it. Beautiful.

So, why am I here ? Well women have done stupider things for Love. My DH lived here when I met him, and I moved here, for Love. While a noble reason (and I love my DH and adore our married life, my life being infinitely better now) I really think I didn't plot that out all the well. True Love is blind they say... I disagree. Right now, True Love is just damned cold and buried under snow.

What a Whirlwind lately!
Lots of things have happened in the last little while! The biggest and best, of course, is that I have the most awesome LNS! They've asked me to go along to Nashville Market for them as a buyer!! It's incredible, and I'm so excited. Not only will be I be there, seeing new designs, threads, colors, etc... before they actually hit the market, BUT it's 3 1/2 days away from my house! No DH, no DD...heavenly. Mind you I love my family, but *I* never get a vacation!

My Brownie troop really outdid themselves! We've sold over 1600 boxes of cookies so far...They all want to go to camp! I think about 100 of those boxes are for the Operation Solider for the Troops in Iraq. We can still take orders too, so some of the girls will have even higher numbers :)

Stitching--I've fallen desperately in love with Mystery 8 from Chatelaine. The second part came out on the 1st, and someone has it done already. It's stunning. I can't believe I will actually be stitching something so gorgeous. This second part uses my all time favourite Silk'n Color too!! Medieval Mulberry-Yum! In fact, I'm off to stitch now!

Take care of yourselves, and be good!

Working Through the Clutter!
I think all the papers, books, mail, junk mail, etc.. I think it all breeds once it hits my house and then stealthily, sneakily... deposits itself in unseen corners, already precarious piles, and anywhere I'm not actively looking at that moment. How else would the pile in the basket on the microwave--that should only have pens, a few candles, and medicines--get SO high?? Or this pile of "I'll get to those later.." papers, notes, to-do's et al .. just simply take over my desk. I mean really, I think that might be wood there, but I'm not sure.

Then there's the cross stitch clutter. Whoooo-boy. Dh tends to blame my stitching stuff for ALL the clutter, but I don't think he's right. But stitching stuff does tend to define our lives at times, marking us--like when He goes to work with an ort stuck to him from when he sat to put his shoes on-- and reminds of my obsession with cross stitching crop up at the oddest moments--like in the car yesterday morning, and realizing there's one heck of a long strand of floss stuck somehow to the windshield wiper. How it got there, I have NO idea. As I looked at it however, I tilted my head and said.. that is such and such color from that model I just did. DH looked at me like I'd lost my head. He wasn't sure, he said, what he was more frightened of..the floss *being* there, or the fact that I could identify the color. Silly man.

I bring this stuff up because I am, you see, trying to de-clutter our house, our lives, and even my stash. Toss stuff out that is meant to be (take THAT junk mail and old phone books!!), catalogue stuff ( I do in fact want to get a comprehensive inventory of ALL my stash soon) and reorganizing and prioritizing what is left in the space it's in. I expect I'll be doing this for a while!!

Be good to yourselves!

Monday, sleepy Monday (Apologies to U2)
I typically never sleep well on the times DH is out of town. The bed is too big, there's a noise, etc. This time, it's been really really cold. And of course, that little snowstorm that dumped 20 inches of snow on us in about 12 hours. I had worries about my furnace, especially after the big BANG I heard last night, but for the most part we muddled through. I however, am really sleepy today.

I have a long blog writing itself in my head right now. I'm too tired to do it justice, but it was sparked by a blog entry from last year, Jan 12th to be exact. Before you go looking in the archives, for some reason-that entry disappeared from display. I copied it for myself though, and tripped over it this weekend. It was a very interesting read.

The initial ordering period for Girl Scout Cookies is nearly over! Tory is almost to the top level of "earning".. which will seriously help us when it's time for camp this summer. The day camp here is *excellent* and she had a blast last year!! I am continually impressed by what the GS Organization does for these girls, and I'm loving watching my 12 girls grow, and blossom. Our service project is going really well too--I'll know more the end of this week about how many boxes our troop is going to send to the military in Iraq. I'm SO tickled that the girls got so excited about this. I am trying to figure out if our troop can afford little notecards to send letters along with the cookies.

I'm nearly done with the second installment of Mini-H from Chatelaine. It's one of the smaller mysteries, just 3 months, and it's Amethyst:) I'll post a pic when it's done. I also had a really REALLY small finish yesterday, a SB kit of a tiny heart.. just 1.5 inches by 1.5 inches. I'm not posting a pic of that, as it's a gift :)

Oh I nearly forgot. THE PATRIOTS ARE IN THE SUPERBOWL!!! Again!! It amazes me, in this day of 'superstars', this team continually gets the job done with many of it's starters injured. I think I really like them because they have fun, they are so supportive of each other, and they manage to overcome LOTS of setbacks. This Pats team this year seriously reminds me of the Red Sox calling themselves "A bunch of idiots who love to play baseball." Not sure I would call either of the team's members idiots... but they all sure do love what they do. It's really refreshing!

Wow did this get long... Y'all take care today!

uggghhh--Morning
Yeap, no happiness for me this morning. I'm just totally wiped out. On Tuesdays I just drain myself completely for my Brownies, and it always takes a day for me to recover. Last night we made fleece hats & scarves. I wonder how many of the 12 will be wearing them today ? I know my daughter is wearing hers!

The cookie sale is well underway! My DD alone has 6 boxes donated for the Operation Soldier project :) I hope we get many boxes....It feels good to know we're sending a piece of home over to the military that have no chance of getting it otherwise. The girls are pretty excited too! We taught them to say "well you could send a box to a soldier in Iraq!" If someone says they can't buy because they are on a diet :)

Off to finish my model. Be good to yourselves

Good Monday Morning!
I'm typically NOT a morning person. This is because typically I'm up late, as a historic night owl. To me, any hour before 9 am is ungodly. I however married a man who gets up at quarter to 6 every morning *shudder*. I pretty much get up at 7 am now to get the kid ready for school and shoo them both out the door. I used to go back to bed.

I'm finding that I get up and get moving now more than I used to want to. Especially when I have things to do. I spent a LOT of time yesterday getting laundry caught up, making dinner and reading up the house in general. **side-note: If you're not from Central PA, you probably have NO idea why I'm using "reading". To Read Up (pronounced Red) is to generally clean up, not CLEAN** So this morning I was in great shape-Dishes all done, laundry really close to caught up. My husband, at 6:30 decided to help me by putting away the baking dishes that had dried overnight. Well, the noise he made could have woken the dead. But I got up, and right now, I have not much to do for *general* housework. I made tea, made DH some PB toast, got DD ready (which was easy since I laid out everyone's clothes last night), made the bed and they both went out the door without a fuss, organized with happy Mom kisses.

I'm not sure who the hell I am lately! LOL But if you promise NOT to tell DH, I'll admit-I kinda like it.

Miles to go before I sleep....
Today I feel like that line from a poem I don't even know the rest of. I can't even confirm it's a poem! LOL That just works right into my day today, that's for sure.

As many of you know, I"m a Brownie Girl Scout leader for my daughter's troop. I love it, I have 12 little girls that are just adorable, and it's very rewarding. We're gearing up for Girl Scout Cookie time, which starts... Today. There's also a program we can do, in which people can buy a box of cookies and we'll donate them to.. somewhere. We've decided we want to send them overseas to the troops serving in the US Military. You would think this would be easy to get local companies involved to help pay to ship this stuff over, right? Wrong. You would think I could get a phone call back from someone in the NH National Guard, right? Wrong. I honestly feel like I'm slamming my head into a brick wall. I just want our girls to feel like they've done something really good in their service project. It's hard enough to get 6-8 year olds to want to GIVE something to someone, harder still to get them excited about it.

I look at my stash lately, and think "Why?". I've got 15 WIPS that aren't anywhere near completion, There's this wishlist of stuff I so much want to do, and I can't muster ANY enthusiasum these last few days. DH says it's because of the model I'm doing, but that's not it. I love this model, am excited about IT. It's the housework, and errands and SNOWDAYS that sneak up on me and keep me from working on it. I just want to build a cabin out back, heated-with a couch, a fridge, a stove ... a BIG couch, not a uncomfy one. Lots of lights and blankets and my stash. I'll come cook and clean here in the house for the family, and come sleep here. That would be nice.

Guess I'm in a crappy mood today, huh ? Well ya'll take care of yourselves, and be good to each other.

You are 80% Cancer

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Gaining motivation

I have a thousand things to do today, and yet I can't seem to motivate myself
to do *any* of them --I hate being or feeling unmotivated!

THe laundry won't do itself, however. So off I go!

Wrapping up 2004

What a year! Many things happened this year, from personal to world events. It's pretty widely known I don't focus too much on the world events stage, so I'll keep this pretty simple.

Stitching this year seemed to be more of a chore then anything else. I couldn't seem to get moving on many things I wanted to work on, and obligation stitching just seemed to take me over. I managed to finish only 4 projects this year: Indigo Rose-True Love Sampler, Just Nan-Teachers touch the future, Just Nan-Friendship Sampler, TW-Futurecast. That's *it*. blech...

Personally it was my 1 year wedding anniversary this year, we indeed made it. It's been a struggle now and again, but I think we've grown as a couple, and people. Our financial situation has improved *slightly*, mostly due to better budgeting and being more frugal. I've gotten much stingier about spending for stash, especially since I'm SABLE for several lifetimes. My children are healthy, and smart and funny. My daughter, all of 7 years old now, is settling down some it seems in school, and I hope this is a glimpse into the rest of the year. Her teacher has such a challenge with her! My step-son thinks just because he'll be 16 in 7 months that means his parents are eager to teach him to drive! NOT! My husband's company was sold, and not only does he still have a job, he is the logical choice for a promotion. He's been with the company 7 years, and deserves this management position. It would be a raise (which we desperately need) and recognition that he rightly deserves!

Stitching this coming year is for me, me, me!! Well, okay sorta. I'm finishing up a model for Dinky Dyes right now, and then will throw myself headlong into the Chatelaine's I have on the go. I would like to finish Enchanted Dreamer by Mirabilia this year, and of course make some more progress on the other Mira's I've got going. My only "give away" goal this year is to do 3 each of M Designs Peace, Hope & Love ornament trees. I'll make these a gift to my in-laws this Christmas. I'm also in 2 round robins, and while I love doing these, I'm a bit worried about the time line on the House RR. I'll be fine, I'm sure though.

I am also resolving to write more often in this blog. Somedays I always feel I shouldn't whine about my life, or that less than 1 person even cares :) But this is for me, so I'm going to start talking more in here. Fair warning, lol, it won't always be sunshine and roses!

Friendships this year have been up and down. I'm not sure what it is about me that causes me to either anger people or alienate them. Whatever it is, I'm finding that those who have shown themselves to be good friends I could call at 3 am if I had a problem. That is comforting, especially since more than half of these people I've never met.

All in all, 2004 was a good year. I'm happy to see it gone, and truly look forward to our lives this next year. I think we're just going to get better and better.

Take care of yourselves.

Angi