I HATE confrontation. I absolutely abhor it. I avoid it at all costs. I will walk away from IM's with little warning, I will grow quieter on a phone call, I will avoid a friend for weeks at a time, if I feel I need to avoid a confrontation. What I won't do is totally ignore something someone has said while *IN* a confrontation.

Someone in my life is going through a rough patch right now. I hurt for them, because they hurt. Where do you draw the line at sympathy though, when you don't agree with the direction they've gone? When you can only see more pain, more suffering and more fights for everyone involved if this path is walked? Your opinion is asked, do you give it? Do you murmur platitudes ?

I would hope that I can be honest with all of my friends. That if my opinion is asked, I can offer it. Even if it is painful, even if it is NOT what they want to (or think they need to) hear at the time. I would hope that I wouldn't lose any of my friends when something is asked and given that differs so deeply with their course of action that it angers them. Then again, how can I know?

I don't. But I have to have faith. Because for me, I trust my friends to tell me the things I need to hear. The naked truth, even if it hurts. Even if it's not what I need right then... it's most likely what I'm going to need to hear later. I try to surround myself with those who are honest. I trust in their judgements and opinions. Quite frankly if I didn't, they wouldn't be my friends.

What about you? Do you trust your friends to tell you the truth? Even when you don't want to hear it ? Something to think about, huh?

Take care.

Notes from the Past...
There’s been a song that’s been speaking to me lately. Actually, at the volume I play CD’s in my car when I’m alone, my DH would say it’s been screaming, but he’s just silly. Good music is been when played LOUD! But that is neither here nor there. The song is Because of You from Nickleback’s new album Long Road. It’s the best song on the album I think as far as a rocking song. But that’s not why it’s speaking to me. It’s the lyrics.

I’ve written about my issues with my illness before. Before I was diagnosed, and for a little while afterwards, while I was getting stable, I was an emotional mess. I had no coping skills, and my childhood was, well… let’s just say abusive and leave it at that. I was an emotional manipulator because that’s what I knew how to do, and that’s what got me attention. Being locked into manic and depressive cycles is awful, and not knowing it is worse. Being an emotional cripple on top of all that is horrific.

So is what I did to all the people who cared about me during those times in my life. Those that loved me. I look back, and I’m amazed anyone stayed around for any length of time. That I didn’t push them away faster than I did with my behaviours. That’s why the lyrics really talk to me in this song. Let me show you:

Edge on the mirror, Can't get much clearer, Can't make this all go away
Now that you're bleeding. You stare at the ceiling, Watch as it all fades away
With what you do. Because of you

You know I can't be there. Each time that you call
I swore not to come, But I'm here after all
I know by the look that i see in your eye
I won't stand around and i won't watch you die
For what you do Why do you Why do you think I don’t love you
What becomes of you Why do you Why do you think I’m blind

Now that you did this,You ask for forgiveness, Doctor could you be my priest
You say you're mistaken, But look what you've taken,You laugh as you lie through your teeth
With what you do, Because of you

(repeat Chorus)

Edge on the mirror, Can't get much clearer, Can't make this all go away
Now that you're bleeding, You stare at the ceiling, Watch as it all fades away
With what you do, Because of you

You know I can't be there,Each time that you call
I swore not to come, But I'm here after all
I know by the look that I see in your eye
I won't stand around and I won't watch you die
For what you do, What you do, What you do
What becomes of you, Do, what you do,What you do
What becomes of, Because of you, Because of

If you got this far, I appreciate it. This blog is reaching epic lengths already. It was pretty important to actually put all the lyrics in there. The verse sorta describes how I used to be, and the chorus describes everyone in my life I think.

Many of those people I can no longer find. Most of them have moved out of my life, onto their own lives. Old boyfriends, ex-friends. In a way I’m sad they can’t see how I really did straighten out my life, and get it right. I wish that they could. But that’s not the biggest reason I’d like to find some of them right now. I’d like to say…. I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart and soul… I’m so sorry for the hell I put you all through. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t right, and I’m so grateful for the love that you gave me then.
It made more of a difference than you can ever know. Thank you.

Ya'll be good to yourselves. And to the ones that love you :)

The Stitcher's Five

1.)Which is your favourite brand of speciality thread?
I have to pick one ? *nibbles a lip* Well right now it's Gloriana Silks. But I'm an equal opportunity specialty thread addict.

2.)Why?
Gloriana's are so soft and beautiful. The colors are stunningly gorgeous. My favourite right this minute is Monet's Pond, along with Cranberry, and Silver Fox. Hmmm...also Twilight... I could go on. They are just beautiful!

3)How many other brands of thread do you have in your stash?
Wow, I have to tell this ? Wonder if I can keep DH from reading this!
Silks: Thread Gatherer, Waterlilies, Dinky Dyes, Au ver au soie, Silk Mori, Milkpaints, TBN Bloomin Threads, Gloriana, Gumnuts, Rajmahal, Eterna Overdyeds, Colour Streams, SMF Candy Floss, Needlepoint Inc, Stef Francis, Cascade House, Vikki Clayton, Silk Serica, Silk Trezibond, Caron Soie Crystale
Cottons: Six Strand Sweets (full set), GAST (full set), WDW, SMF Candy Floss, TBN Bloomin Threads, Delectable Delights Floss, Needle Necessities, The Dye Shop, Dinky Dyes, Stef Francis, Dyepot Threads.

4.) How do you store your threads?
Most of them are in their own Floss-a-way baggies then in boxes or drawers in my storage tower. My Silk'n Colors are in a drawer in my specialty box, along with the TBN threads. I have pretty limited storage so I do the best I can

5.) How confident do you feel at substituting between thread types and colours compared to what the chart calls for?
I'm getting more confident. I really like the look of overdyed threads and so I love to substitute colors and see the different looks.