Still here, I swear
As I have learned, dear friends-life moves onward. I've always known that, but it's never been demonstrated to me so clearly as it has these last few weeks. While my heart, and DH's would rather time just stand still, it can't. So--Onward (and upwards) I hope.

Having been newly Christian again now this past year, taking baby steps in my faith towards growth and knowledge, I never realized the comfort God could give. The strength and the warm feeling of being held. I am so grateful that the Lord is a loving God. The morning of Ray's memorial, I was driven to find a cross and necklace. I'd been searching for one for a while, but that day it seemed necessary. We found one, and I'd been wearing it ever since. Yesterday morning, it broke. The rope chain snapped. I was heart broken, nearly in tears. But my husband reminded me that the necklace was an outward and visible sign of an inward and perfect grace. He's right, of course (ya know I hate typing that!) I still feel odd without the necklace. I'm not sure if you can get rope chain's repaired, and even so we're doing way too much to keep our heads above water to do it.

I'm stitching again! Seem obsessed by it yet again, so this is a good thing. I have a lot of obligation stitching to catch up on, so I've been doing those here and there, trying to get things complete. THere is SO much I want to do and patterns I want to complete-I need to clone myself several times. I need a Chatelaine clone Angi, a Mirabilia clone Angi, I need a clone to finish The Minstrel from TW, and so on. BUT! I want like a Borg like mind link, so I get to experience the pleasure of stitching these charts too! I don't want much, eh ? :)

Well, it's time to take the alien to drama class (not sure she needs it, but hey) so off I go! Y'all be good to yourselves.

Into the Swing again...

We're trying to get back to life normal here, with laundry, housecleaning, cooking and the like. There's stuff to finish up from when we were gone, and just everyday life. I am doing the best I can at it.

I'm not dealing with all this as well as I would like. Maybe it's because this is the first time i've ever lost anyone I care about. I don't know... but that's how I feel-lost. We have no community here, really. No one to rally around. I did get a lovely sympathy card from Kari-thank you so much. I know the best way to get through this is just keep on keepin on. And I'm trying.

I have *no* urge to stitch, I have not much desire to read. I just want to sleep... and today am fighting the typical everyday headache i've been getting. But there are swim lessons to arrange, and meals to be cooked. Laundry isn't giving me a break either, so it's back to the grind I go.

Love well, and tell each other often.

A life well lived
65 years seems like a long time at times. Today, to me, 65 years isn't enough. My father-in-law passed away in the early hours of this morning. About ten minutes before 3 am. The family-his wife and three kids-were on their way, but Ray was too tired, and was ready to go home. He slipped away a few minutes before they got there to say goodbye. He'd fought for over a week against lungs that were continually filling with blood, for reasons we still do not know. He is at peace, and content now. It is the job of the living now to deal with the pain, and our loss.

I was only blessed with him in my life for 3 years or so. It's not been enough time, but it has been enough for me to love and cherish him as my own family. A man who welcomed my daughter and I into his family eagerly, willingly and with great love. A more wonderful FIL I couldn't have asked for, who gave hugs and comfort and reassurance to me on so many things.

Godspeed Ray. You will be missed deeply. I pray you watch over us. I love you.

Well, I knew it all along!

You scored as Faerie. Faerie: Aren't you a cute little flying person? Faeries are earth spirits. They live among each element completely hidden. They have cousins called Pixies. Pixies however, are very mischevious. They enjoy tormenting other creatures for fun. Little pranksters.. I hope you never meet one. Pixies have a bad reputation for finding a creature and clinging to them until death. Faeries can be somewhat close to a Pixie, but mostly they are loving, playful, and carry with them a child-like enthusiasm for life. Hide among the pedals of a Daisy, you are a Faerie. Faerie 75% Mermaid 58% Angel 58% WereWolf 42% Dragon 8% Demon 0% What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!) created with QuizFarm.com

Business....

Today's post is more buisness than pleasure... I've been away for so long.. but 2 things really. I am sure most people remember my talking about the Girl Scout camp, and the fight to keep it open. The Council allowed us to keep the camp open, but won't be redeeming any "cookie dough" (what the girls earned selling cookies) for actual money to the camp. The Camp is accepting cookie dough, but will have to fundraise to cover all that $. *sighs* When I first posted about all of this, several people had said they'd be interested in sending donations... if anyone still is interested, please email for the address. faerystitch @ metrocast . net

Second, since the boards are down, I'm posting my "for sale" list here. Paypal is preferred and shipping with vary with purchase. Thanks!
Hand dyed Fabrics:
Picture THis Plus:
Highland-13x18 28 Cashel $10

Sugar Maple Fabrics:
High Noon 13x18 Jubilee 28 $7
Lapus-13x18 28 Jazlyn Opalescent $10
Griffon-18x26 Belfast $18
Mystic Glade-18x26 Belfast $18

Original TBN:
Rosebud 28 Cashel 18x26 - $20
Seamist 32 Belfast 18x26 - $20

Stitches and Spice (Australian company)
Moonshadows-18x26 Jobelan 28 $13

Kiwi Illusions:
Rimu 28 Lugana 18x26 $14

Silkweaver:
Sundown 28 ct LInen 9x13 -$3
Tan 36 ct Linen 9x13 $3

Charts:
Dragon Dreams-here Be Dragons $6
Enchanting Lair- Queen's Rule $5
Pawprintings- Renaissance $9
Pawprintings- Malachite-Blackwork Beginnings $8
Sweetheart Tree Kit-Fancy Heart $12
M Designs-Insect Sampler (pretty) $4
TW Designworks- Celtic Inspiration Collection - $7
Patricia Allison-Summer Sun-$5
Stoney Creek Collection-Frightfully Friendly Stitches Book 304-$6
Stardust-Snowbirds $6
Stardust-Come All Ye Faithful $6

I've not disappeared...

Just really busy... and I wanted to let Kari, Dana, Cathy, and Sharon all know I've seen the tags, and I'm trying to get the entries done...I promise this week, somehow.

Take care of yourselves...

What a whirlwind few days!
Wow, it's been a busy couple of days here!! I haven't updated (not really) in close to a week, and what a week it's been! Between church activities, Tory's softball, Brownies, etc-I'm suprised I can breathe! I've really been thinking about the whole Girl Scout thing, and I don't think I'm going to return next year as a leader. I've loved every second of what I've done this year, but there's some things going on with my own kid that my being so busy affects badly. So I'll be trying to figure out exactly what will be best in the next few weeks.

Tory had her first softball game on Friday nite. They are a rookie team, so it's coach pitching. They did really well! I was so proud of them. Some girls on both teams still needed to use the tee, for confidence, but the teams had a great time!
She was supposed to have her second game on Sat, but it got rained out. Is it EVER going to get warm ???

Saturday the kiddo started getting sick-not sure if it's caused by her new meds, or by a tummy bug. She's still got it today so we're off to the dr at 11:30. I doubt we'll make it to choir and softball practice tonight then.

The most exciting thing that happened this weekend was winning tickets off the radio station to go see 3 Doors Down in Manchester! It was pure luck, trust me! It was one of those "be the tenth caller" things, and I won! We were just pulling out of the softball game, so I was lucky I even had cell service!!

I found out though, that at the same arena Def Leppard is touring with Tesla. *sighs* When I was younger, I wanted to see Bon Jovi and Def Leppard more than anything. I've seen Bon Jovi, and it would be just $110 (2 tickets, all ticketmaster fees inc.) to see them WITH Tesla!! If I just sold 5 more fobs lol! Ahh well, it'd be nice, and it's really cool I won tickets to 3 Doors Down!

Off to get the kiddo ready for the dr's! You take care now!

Mystery 8 progress!!

So here is my progress on Chatelain's Mystery 8.  I'm officially through 1/4th of part 3.  I still have to do part 4 and 5 before June 1st to be all caught up!  Somehow I doubt that is happening!

Goooood Friday morning!
As I sit here waiting for my tea to finish steeping, so I can have my first burst of caffiene for the day, I marvel at something. I'm really tired. I didn't get to sleep until after 2am. This used to happen a lot, but now it's become so rare I could hardly believe it myself!

I STITCHED!!! Until 2 am!!!! I didn't even want to go to bed *then* but my eyes were crossing and my body was shutting down on me. Now, I was working on Mystery 8, so you can't tell I did 4 hours on it... but *I* Can!

We met with our rector yesterday to start the process for our 're-wedding' in July. Hopefully I can catch our music director soon--I want to ask if he'll play the harp! We're just going to have this done during regular Sunday morning services, which my rector was quite excited about!

From there it was off to the stitching social. Dd was relatively well behaved, but I don't think I'll go back to the Thursday socials. Just a feeling I get that I shouldn't if I have DD. Not everyone has patience with kids, and no everyone has to put up with them... so. :)

I haven't gotten any orders in my pampered chef catalog party *sigh* Ahh well. I'm not supposed to close it until May 22, but I doubt it will be necessary.

Today is grocery shopping day. Figures that it's the first day all week that the sun is out, and there is the *possibility* I could do yardwork. Humph. Stupid weather!

Y'all take care!

In Pursuit of Perfection...
I was talking to 2 of my best friends on IM last night, something I haven't had tons of time to do lately. I'd just gotten home from a long day, tucked the alien into bed and was settling down to do my computer stuff-check email, check on the boards I admin, balance the checkbook *blech*, etc. Between both conversations, the subjects turned to life's stresses and how we deal with them. One artsy friend is stressing about her husband's anniversary present, another bright friend is struggling with some personal issues.

I have developed over the last couple of months a much different outlook on life. It's not something I've been really public about, due to it being a massive change from my former beliefs. My family and I started going to church again--the Episcopal church. It has made such a difference in our lives. Most of my life I had felt failed by God and fellow Christians...failed in situations that happened quite a long time ago. I'd been feeling tugged by certain situations over the last 2 years--I describe it now as God had me on a fishing reel, and was slowly pulling me in. It has made such an infinite difference in how I view stressors-money, kids, friends, time, schedules. I spend a lot of time in prayer-although I don't think my prayer is much like anyone else's. I have an incredible pair of rectors at my church, one of whom is female. Heath is one of those people that literally to me, glows with the joy of God, with the calling to minister. If you're interested, here's the link to my parish. St. Pauls Church of Concord NH

It's become so important to us as a family, that we are having our marriage officially blessed by the church this summer. None of our parents nor most of our family were able to make our quick civil wedding in November of 2003. All of our family are coming, and we've worked it out so it's right about when both kids' birthdays are! How's that for scheduling! I've never been baptised, so I'm in the middle of confirmation classes, and will be baptised and confirmed on June 12th. DD has joined the children's choir, and loves every minute of it!

So I realized-- my life in some areas is little better than in the past. We still struggle with getting my support checks in time, DH and I have still had some epic fights, stretching the budget still sucks up so much of time and energy, and then there's DD's behaviours. She's the love of my life, but the greatest challenge of it as well. And I realized recently, my stressors didn't really change--I changed. I changed how I react, how I plan and how I deal. I changed, not the situations. I'm sure it sounds hokey, and trite, and canned--but I have a greater strength now. I'm not dealing with my stressors alone anymore... I have help. I have God beside me... carrying me when I need it most. I've missed this feeling of peace all my life, and I'm slowly regaining it. And Thank God.

Wait, where did spring go?
As I dig out from beneath the blankets and down comforter this morning, my teeth chattering and absolutely dreading stepping on my bare floor, I can't help but wonder--Where the heck did spring go???

Two weeks ago we had temps in the low to mid 60's, night temps the mid to high 40's. All was decently well with my world. At one point I even contemplated packing away the source of fuzzy-warm goodness (the down comforter, not DH). Boy am I glad I was a bit lazy that day!!

It's school vacation week, which means let's *hope* DD makes it ;) Actually we have a bunch of stuff planned-just no Brownie activities since all the kids are off school. It's odd not seeing the girls :)

A door closed yesterday, and that was hard. I am glad though that I took the steps I took. At class last week, we were discussing maxims. We all passed them around, and when one struck you in particular, you kept the board and then read it and spoke about it. Mine was the one about forgiveness-not seven times seven.. but seventy times seven. That is always so hard for me, a struggle to see past the hurts and the words. It's a big thing for DH and I, and between my parents and I. But I spent a lot of time in prayer yesterday and last night, and this morning I can say... I forgive. I've already said I'm sorry. I've done what I need to do for my own peace.

Ya'll take care :)

Monday, Schmunday...

It doesn't feel like Monday. That would probably be because my DD has the week off of school, so I got to sleep until the ripe ole time of 8:30 am. The alien girlchild just woke up (it's nearly 9). I also have the overgrown boychild here, attitude and all. He's also off school. *insert hair pulling icon here*

The weekend was interesting, in an odd, head-tilting sort of way. Friday nite was DD's first softball practice, and as the team is "coach-less", all the parents agreed to drill the kids. It was fun actually!. Saturday was DD's psych appt--as I suspected, the dr. doubled her meds. *sighs* I am truly praying this will help, as twice this week I've gotten 2 page notes about her actions. Sunday I didn't have class at church, and it seemed to throw everyone's day off. We all sorta didn't know what to do, to top it off-it was raining outside.

I stitched some too, not much. Infinitely more than I have been, however. Two stitches would have been more than I have been. I got chocolate in the mail too, from the UK. My favorite kind. I was confused there for a while too, and part of me confesses, perhaps a little hopeful. *smiles* I shouldn't have been either confused, or hopeful. Seems my receipt of this delight was set up ages ago, and not what I thought it might have been. Ahhh well.

I'm not going to be able to get my yard work done this week, if this dratted rain doesn't go away!!! I had big plans...*thumbs her nose at the rain*

Ya'll have a great day!

Wow--a long break

And boy did I need it! But things are sorta settling back into place these days, except for the filled dates in my datebook... one of the reasons I've not updated in quite some time is that, well, I've been busy. I got a real honest to goodness life--something I've been gently told and sarcastically suggested to many times.

Since you've seen me last here is a short list of things I've been doing:
-Buying a new van! We finally have a second car, and thanks to a buy-here pay-here place, we were able to afford a *much* nicer car than we thought. We ended up getting a 2001 Ford Windstar with relatively low miles! I have a mini-van now! I'm a true soccer/softball mom/Girl Scout leader now! :) And the icing on the cake is that the van is *silver* *Squeeeeee* I've only had the van for 13 days, but I'm not sure how we've lived without another car for so long!!!
-Getting DD into therapy to try and stabalize her. She's also on new medicine, with a new stricter regime here at home and school. She is most likely an early onset bi-polar disorder (and we won't even touch on how much I ache with guilt because of my genetics). She is slowly evening out, but it's been a rough 2 months.
-Focusing on a friend who is in an abusive marriage. She has been pretty fragile, and I've been spending every available moment with her--she's getting stronger thought, and hopefully will be ready to change her situation soon. I'm so so so proud of her!!
-Hitting hyper-drive with Girl Scout activties. We have meetings *every* Tuesday now, and there aren't many Saturdays we don't have something planned in the end of the year crush. We're also planning a kick-butt fly-up/bridging ceremony.
-Having nearly *every* day booked in my planner-softball, brownies, school trips, church functions, classes. I'm so seriously busy, but I'm SO seriously loving it!!
-Gathering information and support in the PTO--I'm running for secretary for this next year. It's going to be a blast!!!

That's the cliff notes version of my life lately... The rest of it is awesome! My marriage is healthy and strong, my children are improving slowly with commitment and work. I've got flowers to plant, and am focusing on getting our yard in shape. I've become a better housekeeper, a better mother, a better wife, and a better friend--at least I think. But the bottom line in my feeling is... I've become a better me. I'm happier and more stable than I can ever remember being, and I thank God for it.

So... I must run! Oh-yes. What you see very *little* of on there is stitching. *sighs* I have lost my desire for it... it's more effort lately I think than it's worth. I don't know why, or if i'll ever be in love with it like I have been. I hope so, since I have tons of things I want to finish. We'll see how I figure out how to cope with that. It's the only shadow in my happiest of happy days lately. I'm working on it...because if I don't fall back in love with it, I'm going to need to sell all this stuff!!!LOL

Have a *great* day, take care of yourself!

Yeah, I'm done with that..
It’s February alright. I’m tired of snow and cold (yet another 8 inches of snow on Monday). The annual BB blow-ups are occurring. I’m tired of the colour white—thank God I haven’t tried to stitch on anything white. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t succeed. The hereditary Seasonal Affective Disorder is starting to seriously kick my ass every year, which is no surprise. I’ve watched it get worse and worse in my mom over the years. I’m hanging on to my bi-polar management by a very thin thread. Which brings me to my point today, my topic. There are some things that I’ve just decided I’m done with. I’m through thinking about them. I’m seriously over talking about them. And I’m DONE worrying about them.

1. My aborted trip to Nashville: It was sad, and painful. But in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t a major catastrophe. I don’t know who caused the issues. I will never know. Now, I’m done with worrying or thinking about it. I refuse to speculate, or try and figure it out. It’s impossible. It can’t be figured out by any other means than calling Nashville organizes and demanding the information. And you know what? It’s NOT worth it. I really don’t care who it was anymore. What I care about most was the amazing show of support, love and commiseration I got from so many on the board. I was able to see how I’m truly seen by those I respect, and even by those who don’t really know me. It was incredible, and I was in tears of joy more than tears of sorrow when I saw that many see me as honorable, with integrity and honesty. That means more to me than a trip. So I’m done with that.

2. Board controversy & strife: I’m learning I can’t fix everything, even if I’m friends with all parties involved. I’m learning it’s not my JOB to try and keep things smoothed out. My only responsibilities are what *I* say and do. Therefore, I will only concentrate on my own actions and reactions. I will not involve myself in personal conflicts and problems. I will love my friends, and learn about and get to know new people. I will cultivate patience (don’t choke, I’m seriously trying). I will actually concentrate on *stitching* on the stitching boards. Imagine how much more stitching I will get done.

3. Closed-mindedness: You might think this is more centered in number 2, but in reality I’ve just about had it with this in my everyday life as well. I’m done worrying about or freaking out about closed minded people. If you aren’t open to new ideas, that’s not my problem-and that was the “collective you” I’m referring to. I’m open to all SORTS of ideas… if I wasn’t, I’d never have found half of my friends on the boards, I’d never have branched into specialty stitches, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have taken over my daughter’s Brownie Troop.

4. My house: I’m done worrying about the fact I’m not Martha Stewart or June Cleaver. My house is lived in and damn messy. It’s a piece of crap house that’s falling apart. I can’t fix it all right now. I can’t fix it all tomorrow. I’m taking it one day at a time, and I’m done apologizing for it.

I’m sure there’s more for my list if I really think about it. But right now I’m having my own little crisis in my Brownie troop involving some missing tickets for Disney on Ice this Friday. I seriously have some more important things to do right now.

Y’all take care of yourselves. No one else will. :)

It's been a week
One full of ups and downs, to be sure. I think I'm on some cosmic junket with regards to health. I was sick, probably 98% of December. It was awful. January and up until this last week have been good, relatively smooth. I should have known the train was coming back around. Last week it was headaches and sinus stuff. This week it's still that, but throw in a UTI for fun. yeah... anything but. So I'm sick again, what's new--what's next.

I've been stitching...got a great portion of Mystery 8 part 2 done, and I'm officially done with Part 1 except the beading. *wahooo!* Chatelaines are going to be the death of me, but OH what a way to go!

Ya'll take care of yourselves :)

Not as okay as I thought...
So the Nashville reports have started, and The designs being released this time are lovely and more incredible than I thought. As I sat looking through the various pictures, reports, etc last night... I realized that I'm not as "okay" with what happened as I thought I was. By no means does that indicate any upset with my LNS, at ALL. I would NEVER have been upset with their business decision, and I agree with it 100%. It is the vile, small, jealous person who used a lie to strip this from me that is the direction of my fury.
It truly isn't that I didn't get to go see all the new designs first--but more that I wasn't able to meet people I admire, and friends of my heart. My LNS owner ran into Jennifer Aikmen-Smith of Dragon Dreams waiting for her shuttle on Friday morning. Which means I would have been in the same hotel. I *love* Dragon Dreams designs, I have at least 35 of them (which is not holding a *candle* to Misty, but hey). It would have been a dream to sit and chat with her (and to feel like a pudgy hobbit next to her! LOL). Or meeting Nan Caldera of Just Nan. Wow, would I have been overjoyed. Her band sampler charts (I have nearly 100 of her designs in my stash) have brought me so much stitching joy, and were the push I needed to really learn to stitch specialty stitches. I regret that I wasn't able to thank her in person. It would have been lovely to see Jo Fisher again, and to see in person how she finished the model I did for her, the Celtic Birth Sampler. It was the first model I'd done for a designer of a design no one else had seen. I enjoyed every second of it. And to be able to shake hands with the Fantasy Queen Herself, Teresa Wentzler--I have met her once before at CATS Hershey. She is from a town very close to where I grew up. I totally bungled my first meeting with her.. she's so much taller than her chart pictures look! She is a lovely graceful lady, and my treasured picture with her was lost with my computer crashed. I had had hopes of taking another. *smiles*
And then, there's the friends of the heart that I missed out on. Dana (thutmosis) has been such a sweet, dear friend. I think I was almost more excited to meet her finally! Wendy, whose birthday I have missed now Happy Birthday Wendy!. She and her husband were coming to meet me-I was going to have a surprise for her! Tastykake snacks-from Pennsylvania. A favourite childhood treat for both of us. Cheryl (momstitches) was there too. I would have loved to see her beautiful stitching, and meet her face to face.
Ah well. No, I'm not as okay as I thought. I will be, and I struggle to come to terms with some things that I am trying to teach my daughter. Life is not fair. Truth doesn't always win. People can be very cruel. Protect your heart.
Take care of yourselves.

More Lessons...
For a quasi New Year's resolution..I decided I needed to be more of a presence on the various BB's I'm a part of. I used to be quite active, and then quite some time ago, my life pretty much fell apart--it boiled over to my board presence and I disappeared. When I came back, I stayed low... quiet. Out of sight, out of mind, so to speak. I have friends and acquaintances I would speak to in email, or AIM or Yahoo. But I would rarely post on boards, and very *rarely* start a thread. So..this year, I decided I should be more involved in this community that has given much to me. Meet new people, be more vocal.

I'm learning that wasn't such a good resolution. It opens me up to new people and new ideas, yes. It also opens me up to disapproval, pain, and anger. The lesson I learned today is that I can't react rationally when I feel someone is trying to tell me how to parent my child, when they don't *know* my child. Or commenting on my child's behaviour, when they don't really know her, or seem to listen to descriptions of her. Especially if those people either don't have children, or (like my parents) raised their kids long ago. That isn't the other people's fault, to be sure. I have little ability to put distance between myself and the subject... I'm not sure how much distance I would *want* to put there in dealing with her. Parenting a severe ADHD child can test saints, and is far beyond the realm of regular parenting. Trust me, I'm no saint nor am I any way, shape or form a candidate for Mother of the Year. But I love my daughter, and keep trying to find ways to help her grow and mature.

For now, though... I think subjects dealing with my daughter need to stay *off* the boards.

A Lesson to be learned...
Isn't that what your parents told you after any disappointment in your life? Or after something that was perhaps very painful? I know my mom told me that everytime, and often. There was a lesson to be learned in my first heartbreak, and another being the only fat, unpopular girl in my class. If you asked me the ultimate event I learned a "lesson" from, it would have been my 16th birthday party. I am a summer baby, which meant I had to give invitations at the end of school, and hope people remembered. They didn't. I stood in my pink & white decorated basement, and was crushed. Not Surprised, mind you, but crushed. Until this week, I would have said that was close to the most unfair "lesson" I'd ever had to learn.

Until this week. I am working very hard at trying to find the "good" in what's happened to me this week. Perhaps it is that my daughter obviously needed me, and therefore it's good I didn't get to go to Nashville. Perhaps it was the snowstorm moving in, or something I don't yet know. But there must be *something*, right? Because otherwise the complete and utter unfairness of what someone did to me this week will forever live in memory as the "worst" lesson learned. I did nothing wrong, and yet was accused of things that most who know me, know I wouldn't do. I am missing the opportunity to meet people I refer to as "family of the heart", and it is basically because of someone who either hates me - personally or for the chance I was getting, or someone so petty and worried about competition they would willingly say something not only untrue, but VERY destructive about me. That is what makes me hurt, and angry. It was SO CLEAR I wasn't doing what I was accused of, but yet it didn't stop someone from making an accusation. The snowball effect was .... painful. People I've come to care about felt perhaps trapped, perhaps nervous--and made the only decision they could have--one in fact that I would have insisted upon, had I known about the problem. But it still hurts I won't get to meet Dana, or Wendy, or perhaps Cheryl. I am sorry, to all of you for the disappointment. I'm grateful, too, for the support and sweet kind words I've read. It helps to know that people really do believe I am honorable, and act with integrity. That helps so much.

I wanted to rave and cry about the unfairness of life--but it is what it is. People I wanted to 'take care of' with my attention to detail on this trip will still mostly be taken care of. The quiet time I desperately needed will *sorta* come on Saturday. Today, my angelbaby and I are having a "mental health" day. We might have another one tomorrow. I *want* to have a massive retail therapy spree, but being the responsible, bill paying adult I've become (snorts) I can't do that. Not that I *need* more stash anyways. I am trying to soothe my soul in other ways. I am concentrating on the positive. I'm giving my little girl LOTS of hugs. There's not much else I can do, but I'm working on making that enough.

Ya'll take care of yourselves, K ? **hugs* to you all.

A Finish for me!
I have done a model this year for DinkyDyes, a teeny finish for a gift (2"x2")and now I've finished a WIP that was a gift to me from a dear friend. This one is all mine! I proudly present Just Nan's Pearl Orchid.

Well, you chose to move there!
If you know me, even slightly, you know I'm not an outdoors person. There's a lot of other things I'm *not* on a serious basis, like a morning person, but I'm really not an outdoors person. When it's summer, there's bugs, and the heat, when it's springtime, there's the hatching spiders and the rain... in the autumn, after the gorgeous colours-all those leaves fall, bringing in ants, and mess. But there's a special season reserved for the most direct loathing, in my eyes.

Winter. Cold. Snow. Freezing temperatures, slippery roads, people driving either so conservatively they are a menace, or people driving without a seeming care in the world, which is a whole different type of danger. Snow... that really pretty white stuff... I like to see it on the trees, on the yard, perhaps even on the house. But isn't there something that could be done about it falling on the roads ? Did I mention cold? I am not a good "cold" person. I whine. I moan. I hibernate. Yes, I am much like a big fat bear, in more ways than one.

So... hating winter as I do, and cold, and definately snow..WHY am I living in New Hamster .. I mean New Hampshire? Home of the Frozen North (sorta). Where this year alone we've already had about 30 inches of snow? THIRTY INCHES. probably a bit more. Where today, when my child has off school, and I have a full day of errands, stitch-shopping-where she was going to start learning to stitch, and I was going to get to spend time at my awesome LNS, take my bright child to lunch at Pizza Hut where she gets a free pizza for being an awesome reader, and grocery shopping (yes I'm one of those nuts that enjoys grocery shopping)... today when I have ALL that planned, scheduled and happily plotted, it dumps FIVE INCHES of SNOW on me overnight. Not just snow. Heavy, WET wnow. All the schools in the area are delayed. NH got a sucker punch surprise, no one was really prepared for it. Beautiful.

So, why am I here ? Well women have done stupider things for Love. My DH lived here when I met him, and I moved here, for Love. While a noble reason (and I love my DH and adore our married life, my life being infinitely better now) I really think I didn't plot that out all the well. True Love is blind they say... I disagree. Right now, True Love is just damned cold and buried under snow.

What a Whirlwind lately!
Lots of things have happened in the last little while! The biggest and best, of course, is that I have the most awesome LNS! They've asked me to go along to Nashville Market for them as a buyer!! It's incredible, and I'm so excited. Not only will be I be there, seeing new designs, threads, colors, etc... before they actually hit the market, BUT it's 3 1/2 days away from my house! No DH, no DD...heavenly. Mind you I love my family, but *I* never get a vacation!

My Brownie troop really outdid themselves! We've sold over 1600 boxes of cookies so far...They all want to go to camp! I think about 100 of those boxes are for the Operation Solider for the Troops in Iraq. We can still take orders too, so some of the girls will have even higher numbers :)

Stitching--I've fallen desperately in love with Mystery 8 from Chatelaine. The second part came out on the 1st, and someone has it done already. It's stunning. I can't believe I will actually be stitching something so gorgeous. This second part uses my all time favourite Silk'n Color too!! Medieval Mulberry-Yum! In fact, I'm off to stitch now!

Take care of yourselves, and be good!

Working Through the Clutter!
I think all the papers, books, mail, junk mail, etc.. I think it all breeds once it hits my house and then stealthily, sneakily... deposits itself in unseen corners, already precarious piles, and anywhere I'm not actively looking at that moment. How else would the pile in the basket on the microwave--that should only have pens, a few candles, and medicines--get SO high?? Or this pile of "I'll get to those later.." papers, notes, to-do's et al .. just simply take over my desk. I mean really, I think that might be wood there, but I'm not sure.

Then there's the cross stitch clutter. Whoooo-boy. Dh tends to blame my stitching stuff for ALL the clutter, but I don't think he's right. But stitching stuff does tend to define our lives at times, marking us--like when He goes to work with an ort stuck to him from when he sat to put his shoes on-- and reminds of my obsession with cross stitching crop up at the oddest moments--like in the car yesterday morning, and realizing there's one heck of a long strand of floss stuck somehow to the windshield wiper. How it got there, I have NO idea. As I looked at it however, I tilted my head and said.. that is such and such color from that model I just did. DH looked at me like I'd lost my head. He wasn't sure, he said, what he was more frightened of..the floss *being* there, or the fact that I could identify the color. Silly man.

I bring this stuff up because I am, you see, trying to de-clutter our house, our lives, and even my stash. Toss stuff out that is meant to be (take THAT junk mail and old phone books!!), catalogue stuff ( I do in fact want to get a comprehensive inventory of ALL my stash soon) and reorganizing and prioritizing what is left in the space it's in. I expect I'll be doing this for a while!!

Be good to yourselves!

Monday, sleepy Monday (Apologies to U2)
I typically never sleep well on the times DH is out of town. The bed is too big, there's a noise, etc. This time, it's been really really cold. And of course, that little snowstorm that dumped 20 inches of snow on us in about 12 hours. I had worries about my furnace, especially after the big BANG I heard last night, but for the most part we muddled through. I however, am really sleepy today.

I have a long blog writing itself in my head right now. I'm too tired to do it justice, but it was sparked by a blog entry from last year, Jan 12th to be exact. Before you go looking in the archives, for some reason-that entry disappeared from display. I copied it for myself though, and tripped over it this weekend. It was a very interesting read.

The initial ordering period for Girl Scout Cookies is nearly over! Tory is almost to the top level of "earning".. which will seriously help us when it's time for camp this summer. The day camp here is *excellent* and she had a blast last year!! I am continually impressed by what the GS Organization does for these girls, and I'm loving watching my 12 girls grow, and blossom. Our service project is going really well too--I'll know more the end of this week about how many boxes our troop is going to send to the military in Iraq. I'm SO tickled that the girls got so excited about this. I am trying to figure out if our troop can afford little notecards to send letters along with the cookies.

I'm nearly done with the second installment of Mini-H from Chatelaine. It's one of the smaller mysteries, just 3 months, and it's Amethyst:) I'll post a pic when it's done. I also had a really REALLY small finish yesterday, a SB kit of a tiny heart.. just 1.5 inches by 1.5 inches. I'm not posting a pic of that, as it's a gift :)

Oh I nearly forgot. THE PATRIOTS ARE IN THE SUPERBOWL!!! Again!! It amazes me, in this day of 'superstars', this team continually gets the job done with many of it's starters injured. I think I really like them because they have fun, they are so supportive of each other, and they manage to overcome LOTS of setbacks. This Pats team this year seriously reminds me of the Red Sox calling themselves "A bunch of idiots who love to play baseball." Not sure I would call either of the team's members idiots... but they all sure do love what they do. It's really refreshing!

Wow did this get long... Y'all take care today!

uggghhh--Morning
Yeap, no happiness for me this morning. I'm just totally wiped out. On Tuesdays I just drain myself completely for my Brownies, and it always takes a day for me to recover. Last night we made fleece hats & scarves. I wonder how many of the 12 will be wearing them today ? I know my daughter is wearing hers!

The cookie sale is well underway! My DD alone has 6 boxes donated for the Operation Soldier project :) I hope we get many boxes....It feels good to know we're sending a piece of home over to the military that have no chance of getting it otherwise. The girls are pretty excited too! We taught them to say "well you could send a box to a soldier in Iraq!" If someone says they can't buy because they are on a diet :)

Off to finish my model. Be good to yourselves

Good Monday Morning!
I'm typically NOT a morning person. This is because typically I'm up late, as a historic night owl. To me, any hour before 9 am is ungodly. I however married a man who gets up at quarter to 6 every morning *shudder*. I pretty much get up at 7 am now to get the kid ready for school and shoo them both out the door. I used to go back to bed.

I'm finding that I get up and get moving now more than I used to want to. Especially when I have things to do. I spent a LOT of time yesterday getting laundry caught up, making dinner and reading up the house in general. **side-note: If you're not from Central PA, you probably have NO idea why I'm using "reading". To Read Up (pronounced Red) is to generally clean up, not CLEAN** So this morning I was in great shape-Dishes all done, laundry really close to caught up. My husband, at 6:30 decided to help me by putting away the baking dishes that had dried overnight. Well, the noise he made could have woken the dead. But I got up, and right now, I have not much to do for *general* housework. I made tea, made DH some PB toast, got DD ready (which was easy since I laid out everyone's clothes last night), made the bed and they both went out the door without a fuss, organized with happy Mom kisses.

I'm not sure who the hell I am lately! LOL But if you promise NOT to tell DH, I'll admit-I kinda like it.

Miles to go before I sleep....
Today I feel like that line from a poem I don't even know the rest of. I can't even confirm it's a poem! LOL That just works right into my day today, that's for sure.

As many of you know, I"m a Brownie Girl Scout leader for my daughter's troop. I love it, I have 12 little girls that are just adorable, and it's very rewarding. We're gearing up for Girl Scout Cookie time, which starts... Today. There's also a program we can do, in which people can buy a box of cookies and we'll donate them to.. somewhere. We've decided we want to send them overseas to the troops serving in the US Military. You would think this would be easy to get local companies involved to help pay to ship this stuff over, right? Wrong. You would think I could get a phone call back from someone in the NH National Guard, right? Wrong. I honestly feel like I'm slamming my head into a brick wall. I just want our girls to feel like they've done something really good in their service project. It's hard enough to get 6-8 year olds to want to GIVE something to someone, harder still to get them excited about it.

I look at my stash lately, and think "Why?". I've got 15 WIPS that aren't anywhere near completion, There's this wishlist of stuff I so much want to do, and I can't muster ANY enthusiasum these last few days. DH says it's because of the model I'm doing, but that's not it. I love this model, am excited about IT. It's the housework, and errands and SNOWDAYS that sneak up on me and keep me from working on it. I just want to build a cabin out back, heated-with a couch, a fridge, a stove ... a BIG couch, not a uncomfy one. Lots of lights and blankets and my stash. I'll come cook and clean here in the house for the family, and come sleep here. That would be nice.

Guess I'm in a crappy mood today, huh ? Well ya'll take care of yourselves, and be good to each other.

You are 80% Cancer

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Gaining motivation

I have a thousand things to do today, and yet I can't seem to motivate myself
to do *any* of them --I hate being or feeling unmotivated!

THe laundry won't do itself, however. So off I go!

Wrapping up 2004

What a year! Many things happened this year, from personal to world events. It's pretty widely known I don't focus too much on the world events stage, so I'll keep this pretty simple.

Stitching this year seemed to be more of a chore then anything else. I couldn't seem to get moving on many things I wanted to work on, and obligation stitching just seemed to take me over. I managed to finish only 4 projects this year: Indigo Rose-True Love Sampler, Just Nan-Teachers touch the future, Just Nan-Friendship Sampler, TW-Futurecast. That's *it*. blech...

Personally it was my 1 year wedding anniversary this year, we indeed made it. It's been a struggle now and again, but I think we've grown as a couple, and people. Our financial situation has improved *slightly*, mostly due to better budgeting and being more frugal. I've gotten much stingier about spending for stash, especially since I'm SABLE for several lifetimes. My children are healthy, and smart and funny. My daughter, all of 7 years old now, is settling down some it seems in school, and I hope this is a glimpse into the rest of the year. Her teacher has such a challenge with her! My step-son thinks just because he'll be 16 in 7 months that means his parents are eager to teach him to drive! NOT! My husband's company was sold, and not only does he still have a job, he is the logical choice for a promotion. He's been with the company 7 years, and deserves this management position. It would be a raise (which we desperately need) and recognition that he rightly deserves!

Stitching this coming year is for me, me, me!! Well, okay sorta. I'm finishing up a model for Dinky Dyes right now, and then will throw myself headlong into the Chatelaine's I have on the go. I would like to finish Enchanted Dreamer by Mirabilia this year, and of course make some more progress on the other Mira's I've got going. My only "give away" goal this year is to do 3 each of M Designs Peace, Hope & Love ornament trees. I'll make these a gift to my in-laws this Christmas. I'm also in 2 round robins, and while I love doing these, I'm a bit worried about the time line on the House RR. I'll be fine, I'm sure though.

I am also resolving to write more often in this blog. Somedays I always feel I shouldn't whine about my life, or that less than 1 person even cares :) But this is for me, so I'm going to start talking more in here. Fair warning, lol, it won't always be sunshine and roses!

Friendships this year have been up and down. I'm not sure what it is about me that causes me to either anger people or alienate them. Whatever it is, I'm finding that those who have shown themselves to be good friends I could call at 3 am if I had a problem. That is comforting, especially since more than half of these people I've never met.

All in all, 2004 was a good year. I'm happy to see it gone, and truly look forward to our lives this next year. I think we're just going to get better and better.

Take care of yourselves.

Angi

Home again, home again...

I took a much needed break from internet-ing, and feel better for it. I am a bit more balanced, and rational. :) Well, somewhat rational. Okay okay, rational and I aren't always good friend, but I'm trying ;)

In stitching news, I've finished Indigo Rose's True Love Sampler, and Teresa Wentzler's Futurecast!
The wedding sampler is for my BIL and his new wife, just a few months late! :) I'm really pleased with how it came out. I omitted the queen stitches in the border, and under the last band I personalized it with their initials and wedding date instead of some satin stitched flowers that were there. I'm thrilled to have it finally done, that's for sure.

Futurecast was my first TW finish ever, and I'm pretty happy with how she turned out. Yes, the dragon finally told me that she was a "she" and her name was Moonshimmer :) I like how it came out, although I wasn't all that confident with my colour choices for a while.

If you go to my webshots to see the pictures, make sure you click normal view to see them best :)

That's all for today... Take care of yourselves.

Comes The Dawn

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul;
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning,
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a man or a woman,
Not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomarrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight.

After a while you learn that even
Sunshine burns if you get too much;
So you plant your own garden,
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you can endure,
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn, and you learn,
With every step, with every good-bye,
You learn.

*** Author Unknown ***

Is it over yet??

The Election, I mean. I'm sorely tired of all the negativity and the vitriol I am seeing spun these days. And that doesn't even begin to touch what comes from the candidates. I'm finding myself distanced from people I once felt so close to, because the negativity and the disgust they hold for beliefs I hold, hurts. I think I've done pretty well in my life in not judging my friends for their belief systems. I believe that each person has a right to feel and think what they wish. Who am I to lump my friends into a "stereotype" ? I would never pigeonhole a friend as a "conservative" and say mean things about conservatives. Nor would I do the same for liberals.

See, my friends and family are just that. Friends and Family. We aren't going to agree, we aren't always going to feel the same way about things. But I have always hoped that the friends that I hold close to my heart, and the family (both natural and chosen) would in fact be able to see past any differences in beliefs. I'm finding that harder to believe as this election year winds to a close. People that I have shared time with, jokes, laughter, tears... Have said some of the most painful things. Things that if I took them to heart would shatter a friendship, make me never speak to family members again. I don't understand what makes Republican and Democrat "Labels" make people suddenly... Not the same. I mean, I didn't change, right ? They really haven't changed. I know many of my friends have different opinions on many core issues than I do. Things like health care, abortion, pregnancy prevention, and many others. I knew that when I became their friend. I guess I felt they knew the same about me. I never thought it would "change" me in their eyes. Maybe it has, maybe it hasn't. I just know that there's an empty spot around me lately, that used to be filled with friends and family that seem to be separated from me now by that great chasm called "Political Party."

I don't see people in my life as Republican, or Democrat. I don't even see them as Cross Stitcher, or non-Cross Stitcher. I don't see them with any other prejudice than my heart. And my heart misses my friends...

Still sick : (
I'm not sure what this germ is but it's nuclear powered I think. I'm still sick! Still have a sore throat, and now DH is sick too. Luckily DD hasn't caught it but *sighs* I just want to feel better so I can clean my house up so I can feel like I can stitch.

I haven't stitched in 2 weeks, I don't really feel I can do it when I have so much else to do.

*blah*

The voice, it is gone...
So i've been battling with a sore throat now for the better part of a week--no big deal right? Sunday I start coughing...hmm, okay..no big deal right? Monday morning I feel like a Mac Truck has hit me and I'm down for the count. But okay, I sleep all day and no big deal right ? And then, Tuesday morning happens.

Tuesday was a very important day for me. It was the first meeting of my Brownie Girl Scout Troop. I took over my daughter's troop from the old leader when she stepped down last year. I'd been in Scouting for years as a girl, but never a leader, so this was new. I'd been preparing, writing handouts, getting paperwork ready. My co-leader and I had our meeting planned. I had the parent's meeting planned. And then Tuesday morning happened.

I lost my voice.

Not totally, not at first. It faded in and out throughout the day. It resembled nothing more than rough gravel and it was hard to talk above a low speaking voice. Then it got hard to talk above a whisper. As I rushed through making my copies at Kinko's (250+ EEK!!!) I wondered how I was going to get through the evening. Twelve little girls. Then their parents. Missing this was not an option. I'd been looking forward to it for months.

The girls thought Miss Angi sounded funny. Most of them know me as 9 of the 13 (1 absent) are classmates of my daughter's. The Brownie Smile song was pitiful--cause I couldn't sing a note. My co-leader, she is the outdoorsy, active type. I'm the music, artsy craftsy type. We'll work well together ;) But, the song was just sad. I even had to tickle some of my new girls to get them to smile. We'll do better next week. They liked their activities though. They enjoyed the Chinese jump rope game. We only had one bumped head, causing an already loose tooth to get looser and bleed. (Just how fast can I get that first aid training? and thank heavens for the Daisy leader-and mom of one of my Brownies-next door who is a nurse). Most, if not all my parents showed up for the parent meeting, and even put up with my voice. I got a cookie mom volunteer, and a good feeling from the group. They even told me to rest my voice. I think we'll all do well together this year.

My voice is still gone ... even worse. The whisper is almost as good as it gets today. I'm coughing, and feverish, and just want to die. But last night, I was in heaven. I love the Girl Scouts. I love what it teaches girls. I love how it empowers them to believe in themselves and their skills. I love how it brings girls together. I'm going to love my troop. I already do. My voice was a very small price to pay.

Monday, Monday...
Well it was another exciting weekend here! (not) I got little to nothing done besides running kids here and there, grocery shopping, laundry and watching Patriots win (again!!). Other than that, the weekend was pretty quiet.

Was working on something and realized that printer ink had gotten onto my fabric. So into the Orvus that piece of fabric went. Thank heavens it all seems to have come out!

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

It's Friday!!
Yes, it's Friday folks! Thank heavens! Sorta... My busiest days are coming up. Saturdays the alien has soccer in the morning, and then there is shopping to do this weekend. My stepson comes over on the weekends, and of course now there is football. At least the Patriots play this weekend, AND they are the early game this Sunday! WHOO HOO :)

I've made a little (read LITTLE) progress on FutureCast. I'm not sure I like how he's coming out, but I'm kinda stuck now. We'll see, maybe it'll be okay. I"m hoping to pop out to the border today and feel like I *really* got something done. We'll see. I'd also like to complete one of the next to last bands on the wedding sampler I'm doing. I am like >< that close to having it done, and yet I'm dragging my feet about it.

DD is home from school today, so I imagine there'll be much snuggling and sweetness .... well okay I can hope right ??? I've got handouts going for my Brownie parents, we got our first two meetings plotted out yesterday, and I'm starting to feel like I might have gotten a handle on this. *snorts* Self-delusion, gotta love it!

Welp, ya'll take care of yourselves today!

Progress... maybe?

Well, I haven't done much stitching of anything lately. I went to a GTG at Kari's house this past weekend with tiggerpoohs, and had a blast! They however gave me such a hard time (in fun) about not having any TW Wips or completions that I spent all day Sunday pulling colors for FutureCast. I have put a few stitches into him and we'll see how that goes. :) I'm really close to finishing the True Love Sampler, and then it's off to the races on the rest of my projects for the holidays *sighs*. I never used to do obligation stitching. I won't do it next year. Blech.... Although I'm lucky that everyone I stitch for Loves it and appreciates it.

I'm almost ready for our first Brownie Troop meeting, and the parents meeting that night *eek* I'm organized, and just hope I don't totally flop with the kids! :( I'm very excited though, I love Girl Scouts, and what it can do for girls.

Not much else to talk about today... Ya'll take care of yourselves!

Gratitude...


I'm so grateful to my online family! :) To my in-laws. To my friends... to everyone who helped my daughter reach her secondary goal in the fundraiser!! If we could have sold 10 more items, we could have won her the DVD player she wanted, but she did sell 90, so she's getting the electric scooter. I'm so thankful to have friends like ya'll!!

My secret stitcher sent me Just Nan's WinterHaven *boggles* I was stunned!!!! And so grateful. I love this chart, and now need to figure out just how I want to do it, and in what type of threads.

Life is pretty damned good today :)

It's wrapping paper time!!

Between now and Sept 27, my daughter is trying to earn a DVD or CD player. She is selling wrapping paper from Innisbrook. You can order through their website, and have it shipped directly to you, and she will get the sales credit! The great part about this is, her school earns 50% of all sales!!

Here's the link:

http://www.innisbrook.com/acb/basket/index_child_reg.cfm?internet_id=20563&DID=7

if that doesn't work, please email me for her codes!! :)

I thank you in advance, and if you order.. she'll send you a thank you email!

**** Apparently Innisbrook's server is working overtime, and is hard to reach during the day. If you have problems, maybe at night would be better ? :( I'm sorry if anyone gets frustrated:( Thanks! :( ****

Thanks so much!

Lost Friends Found! :)

in all my incarnations online, I've made lots of friends. One of them in particular, a guy, was extra special. There was nothing we didn't talk about, laugh about~all that stuff! In our infinite wisdom, we decided that we'd try our hand at being romantically involved. *laughs* that ended in a spectacular display! But we battled back to being great friends. We lost touch however when he moved from where he was, after getting out of the Navy and then I moved here to NH to be with DH. It'd been 2 1/2 years since I'd talked to him, and I'd worry about him-ya know how you do when you're missing someone.

Well... two nights ago we stumbled across each other again! Gosh it was wonderful!! We ended up chatting until 4 am one night, and catching up on the phone last night. It's like the last years haven't happened! We still know each other pretty well, and I'm thrilled to get my friend back! We both got married in this time, and he'd not seen pics of DD since she was 4! It was just amazing.

I'm pretty grateful to have him back in my life as one of my closest friends. And of course i've warned him that if he disappears again, i'm hunting him down and shooting him!

Ya'll take care!

Clear the way Maties, we're goin down...

I'm beginning to hate my stitching.... I've got too much obligation stuff to do. I am doing Mystery 6 from Chatelaine, I've only got part 1 done (out of 8 released parts). I've got Taj Mahal from Chatelaine, and I don't even *have* the first part of that done (out of 6 released parts). I have this wedding sampler I need to get finished, plus a shop model.

Not to mention the hell my home life is becoming again... can we say stress ? I think I need to replace my certs with Tums again, start eating them like candy. Something has to stop the pain in my stomach.

Anyyywho, enough whining. I hope...

Never underestimate the power of Love

Love has brought David Tippin home. Love has kept him safe. Love kept him warm and cool, and helped him find a place to stay protected from the elements. Love helped a resourceful little boy find water, and apparently food. Love kept him wrapped up close in his mother's thoughts while he was gone for 3 days. And love has brought him home to his mother's arms.

I am so grateful for the stitcher's I have met through this joyous hobby. We gathered together this last 3 days, and sent all of our love and hope to one of our own, Stacey Tippin-Prinncess. We kept her held up and supported. Our Love surrounded her and now her little boy is home. Thank you all. I love you all...

Stacey, you are so precious to me. I cried tears, and my heart worried. And my heart rejoices, although not even close to as much as yours. You hug that lil precocious oh so smart adventurer for me okay ?

We are an awesome force...

Bring David Timothy Tippen HOME!


My heart and my thoughts and my prayers are with Stacey, our very own Prinncess and her husband Robert today. Their son, David is missing. He is just 4 years old. Stacey gives all the details in her blog, Perle Moon. Please visit it and please pray for his safe return.

Please come home safe, David. Your mommy misses you.

To my Tory Kat
 
Today is your birthday.  It is almost inconceivable to me that you are seven years old today, but you are.  The last seven years have flown by.  I have watched you grow up so fast, from a sweet baby to the capable young lady you are becoming.  It is hard for me to admit you are becoming a  capable young lady.  I don't want to admit that you don't seem to need me as much as you used to, in the same ways as you used to. 
 
True, you don't need me to wash your hair for you, or give you a bath.   You don't need me to feed you, or cut your food for you all the time.  You don't need me to tie your shoes for you anymore, or zipper your jackets for you.  You don't need me to always make your bed for you, or dress you anymore.  You don't need me to help you with your seatbelt, or opening the car door, or even reading the directions for some of your activities.  You don't need me to read you books anymore, or help you color in the lines.  You don't need me to build your sandcastles for you, or to carry you into the pool. 
 
Realizing you don't need me to do all those things for you anymore brought tears to my eyes.  Where did my baby go?  What could she possibly need from me anymore ?  And then I realized....
 
You need me for kisses all over the face before bedtime, and hugs around the neck~because without them, you simply can't get to sleep.  You  need me to listen to all the things you did in school today because you want me to get as excited about you being the calendar girl as you were.  You  need to cuddle against me during a thunderstorm.  You need to tell me you love me after you fight with me, and you need to hear me tell you I love you no matter what.  You need to chase away the monsters in your bedroom at night sometimes, and you need me to reassure you that the bears your big brother tells you about outside are NOT coming in to get you.  You need me to protect you from the spiders, even though you know I'm as scared of them as you are.  You need me to remind you to flush and wash your hands~every single time!  You need me for soft touches to your forehead, just to reassure you you are not getting a fever.   You need me to shudder and ewwww! at every single bug you bring me just so you can giggle at me.  You need me to cook your favourite dinner on your birthday, and stay up all night the night before wrapping presents. 
 
So today baby, Happy Birthday.  I love you more than anything in my entire life.  I can't remember my life before you came into it,  seven years ago today.  I don't even want to.  You are my shining star, and I thank the heavens for you every day.  There is nothing you cannot do, cannot be.  Your smile and laugh are my joys, and I hope that I see and hear them every day.  They are what *I* need.  I love you, my lil girl. 
 

Attention Stitcher X (and everyone else who ever sent a hateful anonymous email/ezmsg):

During the fuss and the muss of JPC closing, I'm sure you snuck in, struck with your poisonous words, and left. You even deleted your user account, so that no one could or would be able to respond to you. A classic hit and run.

The cowards way.

Yes, I said it, a coward. ANYone who doesn't have the guts to sign their name to something is a coward. If I have something to say, I sign my name. I mean, if I feel passionate enough about something to write about it, I have the responsibility to stand behind my words. Sending one line emails, filled with vitriol and hatred, while it may be passionate, is also childish. And in my opinion, behaviours like this are the main reason that JPC on the TWBB has become a place so filled with controversy, hatred filled debates, sniping, backbiting, and secrets and why the forum is going away.

I don't know that for sure, but I do know that there is just so much childishness that anyone can put up with. If you are so sure of your beliefs, why not stand behind them publically? Why do you hide ? Or do you hide because you might be shown the truth, not the speculations that fill your mind? I know this, the mean and hateful things said in an email from Stitcher X to a close friend of mine are absolutely NOT TRUE. Unless you are TW, Miss Stitcher X, then you really DON"T know why JPC is being deleted. I sincerely doubt however, that TW would stoop to an anonymous ezmessage, and not sign her name.

I can't believe that such accusations are flying around, and I can but hope that we all learn how to act like the adults we are supposed to be. No one person is to blame for this, we all bear part of the burden. Let's shoulder it and move on.

I'm finally a LADY!!!




I took the most accurate villain personality test
created by: The Arch Villainess Gracie

Uh-oh LOL

How to make a Angi

Ingredients: 3 parts anger 3 parts silliness 3 parts joy

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Serve with a slice of wisdom and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Well I think it just might be me folks ! :)

A	Arty
N	Nutty
G	Graceful
E	Explosive
L	Lazy
A	Awesome

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Today's Blog, courtesy of Maroon 5's song Harder to Breathe


How dare you say that my behavior's unacceptable
So condescending, unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground that I am walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

I HATE confrontation. I absolutely abhor it. I avoid it at all costs. I will walk away from IM's with little warning, I will grow quieter on a phone call, I will avoid a friend for weeks at a time, if I feel I need to avoid a confrontation. What I won't do is totally ignore something someone has said while *IN* a confrontation.

Someone in my life is going through a rough patch right now. I hurt for them, because they hurt. Where do you draw the line at sympathy though, when you don't agree with the direction they've gone? When you can only see more pain, more suffering and more fights for everyone involved if this path is walked? Your opinion is asked, do you give it? Do you murmur platitudes ?

I would hope that I can be honest with all of my friends. That if my opinion is asked, I can offer it. Even if it is painful, even if it is NOT what they want to (or think they need to) hear at the time. I would hope that I wouldn't lose any of my friends when something is asked and given that differs so deeply with their course of action that it angers them. Then again, how can I know?

I don't. But I have to have faith. Because for me, I trust my friends to tell me the things I need to hear. The naked truth, even if it hurts. Even if it's not what I need right then... it's most likely what I'm going to need to hear later. I try to surround myself with those who are honest. I trust in their judgements and opinions. Quite frankly if I didn't, they wouldn't be my friends.

What about you? Do you trust your friends to tell you the truth? Even when you don't want to hear it ? Something to think about, huh?

Take care.

Notes from the Past...
There’s been a song that’s been speaking to me lately. Actually, at the volume I play CD’s in my car when I’m alone, my DH would say it’s been screaming, but he’s just silly. Good music is been when played LOUD! But that is neither here nor there. The song is Because of You from Nickleback’s new album Long Road. It’s the best song on the album I think as far as a rocking song. But that’s not why it’s speaking to me. It’s the lyrics.

I’ve written about my issues with my illness before. Before I was diagnosed, and for a little while afterwards, while I was getting stable, I was an emotional mess. I had no coping skills, and my childhood was, well… let’s just say abusive and leave it at that. I was an emotional manipulator because that’s what I knew how to do, and that’s what got me attention. Being locked into manic and depressive cycles is awful, and not knowing it is worse. Being an emotional cripple on top of all that is horrific.

So is what I did to all the people who cared about me during those times in my life. Those that loved me. I look back, and I’m amazed anyone stayed around for any length of time. That I didn’t push them away faster than I did with my behaviours. That’s why the lyrics really talk to me in this song. Let me show you:

Edge on the mirror, Can't get much clearer, Can't make this all go away
Now that you're bleeding. You stare at the ceiling, Watch as it all fades away
With what you do. Because of you

You know I can't be there. Each time that you call
I swore not to come, But I'm here after all
I know by the look that i see in your eye
I won't stand around and i won't watch you die
For what you do Why do you Why do you think I don’t love you
What becomes of you Why do you Why do you think I’m blind

Now that you did this,You ask for forgiveness, Doctor could you be my priest
You say you're mistaken, But look what you've taken,You laugh as you lie through your teeth
With what you do, Because of you

(repeat Chorus)

Edge on the mirror, Can't get much clearer, Can't make this all go away
Now that you're bleeding, You stare at the ceiling, Watch as it all fades away
With what you do, Because of you

You know I can't be there,Each time that you call
I swore not to come, But I'm here after all
I know by the look that I see in your eye
I won't stand around and I won't watch you die
For what you do, What you do, What you do
What becomes of you, Do, what you do,What you do
What becomes of, Because of you, Because of

If you got this far, I appreciate it. This blog is reaching epic lengths already. It was pretty important to actually put all the lyrics in there. The verse sorta describes how I used to be, and the chorus describes everyone in my life I think.

Many of those people I can no longer find. Most of them have moved out of my life, onto their own lives. Old boyfriends, ex-friends. In a way I’m sad they can’t see how I really did straighten out my life, and get it right. I wish that they could. But that’s not the biggest reason I’d like to find some of them right now. I’d like to say…. I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart and soul… I’m so sorry for the hell I put you all through. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t right, and I’m so grateful for the love that you gave me then.
It made more of a difference than you can ever know. Thank you.

Ya'll be good to yourselves. And to the ones that love you :)

The Stitcher's Five

1.)Which is your favourite brand of speciality thread?
I have to pick one ? *nibbles a lip* Well right now it's Gloriana Silks. But I'm an equal opportunity specialty thread addict.

2.)Why?
Gloriana's are so soft and beautiful. The colors are stunningly gorgeous. My favourite right this minute is Monet's Pond, along with Cranberry, and Silver Fox. Hmmm...also Twilight... I could go on. They are just beautiful!

3)How many other brands of thread do you have in your stash?
Wow, I have to tell this ? Wonder if I can keep DH from reading this!
Silks: Thread Gatherer, Waterlilies, Dinky Dyes, Au ver au soie, Silk Mori, Milkpaints, TBN Bloomin Threads, Gloriana, Gumnuts, Rajmahal, Eterna Overdyeds, Colour Streams, SMF Candy Floss, Needlepoint Inc, Stef Francis, Cascade House, Vikki Clayton, Silk Serica, Silk Trezibond, Caron Soie Crystale
Cottons: Six Strand Sweets (full set), GAST (full set), WDW, SMF Candy Floss, TBN Bloomin Threads, Delectable Delights Floss, Needle Necessities, The Dye Shop, Dinky Dyes, Stef Francis, Dyepot Threads.

4.) How do you store your threads?
Most of them are in their own Floss-a-way baggies then in boxes or drawers in my storage tower. My Silk'n Colors are in a drawer in my specialty box, along with the TBN threads. I have pretty limited storage so I do the best I can

5.) How confident do you feel at substituting between thread types and colours compared to what the chart calls for?
I'm getting more confident. I really like the look of overdyed threads and so I love to substitute colors and see the different looks.

The Stitcher's Five


1. Which do you prefer, Kits or Charts?

I prefer charts because I tend to substitute fabrics, I love hand dyes and will use them whenever possible. Kits also tend to come with Aida fabric, and non-descript floss.

2. Why?

Kitting up is half the fun!! :) I love putting a project together~deciding on fabric colors, maybe changing some floss colors. It makes my heart go pitter-pat :)

3. How do you organise your materials before you stitch

Every kitted project is usually also a WIP, even if it has only 10 stitching in it. Because of that, if it is a big project~like a Mirabilia~the floss gets bobbined and then goes into a CraftStor containter that also holds my scissors, thread heaven, highlighter and any other tools this project needs. All of that goes into the right sized mesh bag to hold the q-snaps and fabric.

4. Do you do anything to the sides of your fabric before starting?

Since I tend to use mostly hand-dyed it's already serged, but I usually ask my best friend to serge the edges of regular fabrics for me. Otherwise I tend to make an unraveling mess.

5. What do you do with the leftovers when your done?

You mean you're supposed to finish stuff ??? Seriously.. I have a baggie for leftover project floss, which is where I go first when I'm kitting up new stuff. The q-snaps go for the next project, same with the bag, and container.

This just says it all... LOL

Are you Addicted to the Internet? 80% Hardcore Junkie (61% - 80%) While you do get a bit of sleep every night and sometimes leave the house, you spend as much time as you can online. You usually have a browser, chat clients, server consoles, and your email on auto check open at all times. Phone? What's that? You plan your social events by contacting your friends online. Just be careful you don't get a repetitive wrist injury... The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Quiz Me!

Confidences...
My mother once taught me, the only secret that is kept is between you and someone who is already dead. She said that’s the only way to keep something totally secret. Otherwise people are driven to reveal things. It’s human nature she said. We feel like we can trust a person in our lives, and so we tell them something. A friend, a lover, a relative. It could be trivial; it could be something that would rock the very foundation of our life if it were revealed. Yet we need to confide. It seems to be a primitive need deep inside to share a part of ourselves, to trust a secret of self. Perhaps in hopes of being trusted back, perhaps. Or perhaps just in search of companionship. No matter the reason, we trust, we share… and somewhere down the line that person we talked to feels that same need. And the cycle begins.

Sometimes the confidences are tiny. Sometimes they are vital to our existence. At times they can be something so painful, so consuming that they cannot be held alone, but need to be shared. All too often, they are things that should not be shared. I understand our need to confide, to believe those around us are trustworthy. We want to believe that those we surround ourselves with are people would could trust with our lives, or even our skeletons (no matter how trivial the secret, or how severe). Now mind you, I’m not talking about murder or child molestation/abuse secrets here. . Those types of things don’t even enter into this thought process. Please know that. I’m talking about something that may be even the most mundane thing to you, may be something that another would find humiliating What I don’t understand, is when proven time and time again that we should not confide, we should keep our lives to ourselves, why we as humans continue the pattern.

I am of course speaking from personal experience. It has happened yet again to me. Someone I trusted with something has gone behind me to another with something told in confidence. Is it a trivial matter? Is it a foundation rocking matter? Now do you really think I’m going to reveal that to you? I may have forgotten my old rule of “reveal nothing” for a while, but I won’t forget again. It but serves to remind me I’ve become complacent. I’ve become too…free with my confidences. Once the only way I survived was to reveal nothing, say nothing about my personal life. It was the only way I stayed sane. Because nothing ever was the same as I had told it. Nothing ever comes back the way you tell it. It changes subtly in the retelling. It always does. Suddenly something that you felt was just a little bit wrong with something in your life has become a character flaw so massive people no longer want to be associated with you, by the time it has come through the retelling. That is just an example I can think of. We all played that game in elementary school. You remember the one where someone whispered a sentence to someone at the front of the room, and by the time it got to the back of the room it no longer even resembled the original statement.

And that’s what’s happened here as well. It’s not quite the same as it was when it was confided. *shrugs* I should have remembered that as well. I won’t forget again.

Ya’ll be good to yourselves.

Angi

How families come together...
I come from a pretty dysfunctional family. My mom will be the first to tell you she should have never had children. She's not the mothering type. Too selfish she says, too self-centered. She can't understand how she managed to have an "earth-mother" for a child. That's what she has called me from the time I've been little. I would be the neighborhood mommy. I loved to play with the younger kids in the neighborhood cause I could mother them. I've never wanted anything more than to be a wife and mother. My mother wanted me to be a career woman. Hence she does not understand me, and I don't understand her. At times of crisis, my family tends to turn on each other. We resemble nothing more than a pack of rabid wolves at times.

I've seen something completely different in this family I've married into however. I love my in-laws. I really do. They aren't perfect and they'd be the first to tell you that too. But as a package they are lovely. They welcomed me into this family, and accepted my daughter with love and affection. Honestly, that's what mattered the most to me. I could handle a family treating me like dirt, but not my baby girl. She wouldn't understand.

I had a point to this ramble :) I know, surprising. My BIL is running in the Boston Marathon next Monday. DH and I joke that he and his fiance are perfectly matched. They are fit, athletic and trim. They go running together, eat healthy and are both gorgeous. Whereas DH and I are fluffy, pudgy and decidedly not athletic. Anyhow, He has this chance to run to raise money for the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation. My FIL was diagnosed with this insidious cancer last September, and it rocked the family. And I was stunned, and amazed at how the family pulled tightly together thru the diagnosis, the subsequent testing, and a pretty scary hospital stay that November. I'm not suprised at all that running in this marathon is my BIL's way to do something. He's pledged to raise $7500 for the Research Foundation. He's just over $4000 of that. I'm going to include a link just in case anyone wants to help. Absolutely no pressure! This is all I can do to help him in his efforts to raise money, to get the word out there. Besides, you'll get to see my DH. He's the one in the blue striped shirt!

Boston Marathon Fundraiser for Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation

Ya'll be good to yourselves.

Angi

I've never been good at confrontation...
Especially with those that I care about. This puts my husband at the top of the list of those I hate arguing with. Make it a heated topic we are on firm opposite sides about and I'd rather crawl into a hole than talk about it. *sighs* We're having a difference of opinion on a quite personal subject. It has resonances of the past in it, and I don't agree with how he feels. I sympathize with it. I don't think he believes that part, but I do. The problem we are having is that he feels quite strong I should be "on his side". I can't be, I don't agree with his side. I can see the validity of how he feels, and how he could feel that way. But I can't agree, or be overly supportive or sympathetic. I can't give him the comfort he craves right now, because I don't agree with him. It's causing us to argue and fight, to the point we almost slept apart last night.

*sighs*

I don't believe that being married to someone, or even being friends with someone means that you have to agree with them all the time. in fact, I feel if you do there is seriously something wrong. What i'm on shaky ground with is how to handle that. How to not let it affect our day-to-day routine. So many times things like this can crack and shatter foundations of relationships and be the lil niggling thing that doesn't get settled, that comes up again and again. It seems we have a bunch of those 'little things' lately. It's so frustrating.

In other news, DD seems to almost have another tooth ready to come out. Hopefully this one will come out today, and the tooth faery can make another pitstop tonight.

As far as stitching is concerned, I've been working like mad on a model for my LNS, a patriotic model that has me hating red, white and blue. I never was a flag person to begin with, and goddess knows I won't be after this, that's for sure!!

Ya'll be good to yourselves!

Say what you mean with a song...

Today's blog is dedicated to my twin :) She knows who she is :)

It's the song Bounce by Bon Jovi (of whom I am a fan of over 20 years btw).

I been knocked down so many times
Counted out 6, 7, 8, 9
Written off like some bad deal
If you’re breathing you know how it feels
Call it karma, call it luck
Me, I just don’t give a

B-B-B-Bounce, bounce nothing’s gonna keep me down
Bounce, bounce stand up, shout it out
Bounce, bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I’ll be bouncing back again

This ain’t no game; I play it hard
Kicked around, cut, stitched and scarred
I’ll take the hit but not the fall
I know no fear, still standing tall
You can call it karma, call it luck
Me, I just don’t give a

B-B-B-Bounce, bounce nothing’s gonna keep me down
Bounce, bounce stand up, shout it out
Bounce, bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I’ll be bouncing back again

Bounce!

Bring it on, I like it rough
In your face, I call your bluff
It ain’t karma, it ain’t luck
Me, I just don’t give a

B-B-B-Bounce, bounce nothing’s gonna keep me down
Bounce, bounce stand up, shout it out
Bounce, bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I’ll be bouncing back again

Bounce, bounce
Nothing’s gonna keep me down
Bounce, bounce stand up, shout it out
Bounce, bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I’ll be bouncing back again

I took a walk along the dark side of the moon...
That's how it feels at least lately. The last month has been incredibly draining, and I haven't felt at all like blogging. I doubt anyone is going to see this, since I have updated in over a month. All my energy has gone to trying to stay healthy, drag us into financial stability, and do family stuff.

I will try and catch up on the bullet points over the next few days. My Secret Stitcher bought me the Taj Mahal membership, and I have all the threads to stitch it, just no fabric yet. I'm way behind on Mystery 6 so there's no real rush. I'm working on a model for Misty Stitches, and a model for my LNS. Those are both slow going as my hands go numb more often than not, and when cold I have no feeling in them at all. *sighs* I can stitch now only because Prinn was so generous and sent me her old Gazelle floor stand. I'm still figuring out exactly how to wiggle around it, i'm not sure it's *the* stand for me ... but it's better than none right now that's for sure.

Crystal Indulgence scissor fobs seem to be taking off, I hope to have some opportunities for expansion in the next few weeks :) I hope :)I really enjoy creating them!

I just wish my health would join the upward swing of everything else in my life *sighs*

Anyways, that's where we all are here. All in all, things are pretty good. I hope ya'll are taking care of yourselves. Hugs n stitches.