What a Whirlwind lately!
Lots of things have happened in the last little while! The biggest and best, of course, is that I have the most awesome LNS! They've asked me to go along to Nashville Market for them as a buyer!! It's incredible, and I'm so excited. Not only will be I be there, seeing new designs, threads, colors, etc... before they actually hit the market, BUT it's 3 1/2 days away from my house! No DH, no DD...heavenly. Mind you I love my family, but *I* never get a vacation!

My Brownie troop really outdid themselves! We've sold over 1600 boxes of cookies so far...They all want to go to camp! I think about 100 of those boxes are for the Operation Solider for the Troops in Iraq. We can still take orders too, so some of the girls will have even higher numbers :)

Stitching--I've fallen desperately in love with Mystery 8 from Chatelaine. The second part came out on the 1st, and someone has it done already. It's stunning. I can't believe I will actually be stitching something so gorgeous. This second part uses my all time favourite Silk'n Color too!! Medieval Mulberry-Yum! In fact, I'm off to stitch now!

Take care of yourselves, and be good!

Working Through the Clutter!
I think all the papers, books, mail, junk mail, etc.. I think it all breeds once it hits my house and then stealthily, sneakily... deposits itself in unseen corners, already precarious piles, and anywhere I'm not actively looking at that moment. How else would the pile in the basket on the microwave--that should only have pens, a few candles, and medicines--get SO high?? Or this pile of "I'll get to those later.." papers, notes, to-do's et al .. just simply take over my desk. I mean really, I think that might be wood there, but I'm not sure.

Then there's the cross stitch clutter. Whoooo-boy. Dh tends to blame my stitching stuff for ALL the clutter, but I don't think he's right. But stitching stuff does tend to define our lives at times, marking us--like when He goes to work with an ort stuck to him from when he sat to put his shoes on-- and reminds of my obsession with cross stitching crop up at the oddest moments--like in the car yesterday morning, and realizing there's one heck of a long strand of floss stuck somehow to the windshield wiper. How it got there, I have NO idea. As I looked at it however, I tilted my head and said.. that is such and such color from that model I just did. DH looked at me like I'd lost my head. He wasn't sure, he said, what he was more frightened of..the floss *being* there, or the fact that I could identify the color. Silly man.

I bring this stuff up because I am, you see, trying to de-clutter our house, our lives, and even my stash. Toss stuff out that is meant to be (take THAT junk mail and old phone books!!), catalogue stuff ( I do in fact want to get a comprehensive inventory of ALL my stash soon) and reorganizing and prioritizing what is left in the space it's in. I expect I'll be doing this for a while!!

Be good to yourselves!

Monday, sleepy Monday (Apologies to U2)
I typically never sleep well on the times DH is out of town. The bed is too big, there's a noise, etc. This time, it's been really really cold. And of course, that little snowstorm that dumped 20 inches of snow on us in about 12 hours. I had worries about my furnace, especially after the big BANG I heard last night, but for the most part we muddled through. I however, am really sleepy today.

I have a long blog writing itself in my head right now. I'm too tired to do it justice, but it was sparked by a blog entry from last year, Jan 12th to be exact. Before you go looking in the archives, for some reason-that entry disappeared from display. I copied it for myself though, and tripped over it this weekend. It was a very interesting read.

The initial ordering period for Girl Scout Cookies is nearly over! Tory is almost to the top level of "earning".. which will seriously help us when it's time for camp this summer. The day camp here is *excellent* and she had a blast last year!! I am continually impressed by what the GS Organization does for these girls, and I'm loving watching my 12 girls grow, and blossom. Our service project is going really well too--I'll know more the end of this week about how many boxes our troop is going to send to the military in Iraq. I'm SO tickled that the girls got so excited about this. I am trying to figure out if our troop can afford little notecards to send letters along with the cookies.

I'm nearly done with the second installment of Mini-H from Chatelaine. It's one of the smaller mysteries, just 3 months, and it's Amethyst:) I'll post a pic when it's done. I also had a really REALLY small finish yesterday, a SB kit of a tiny heart.. just 1.5 inches by 1.5 inches. I'm not posting a pic of that, as it's a gift :)

Oh I nearly forgot. THE PATRIOTS ARE IN THE SUPERBOWL!!! Again!! It amazes me, in this day of 'superstars', this team continually gets the job done with many of it's starters injured. I think I really like them because they have fun, they are so supportive of each other, and they manage to overcome LOTS of setbacks. This Pats team this year seriously reminds me of the Red Sox calling themselves "A bunch of idiots who love to play baseball." Not sure I would call either of the team's members idiots... but they all sure do love what they do. It's really refreshing!

Wow did this get long... Y'all take care today!

uggghhh--Morning
Yeap, no happiness for me this morning. I'm just totally wiped out. On Tuesdays I just drain myself completely for my Brownies, and it always takes a day for me to recover. Last night we made fleece hats & scarves. I wonder how many of the 12 will be wearing them today ? I know my daughter is wearing hers!

The cookie sale is well underway! My DD alone has 6 boxes donated for the Operation Soldier project :) I hope we get many boxes....It feels good to know we're sending a piece of home over to the military that have no chance of getting it otherwise. The girls are pretty excited too! We taught them to say "well you could send a box to a soldier in Iraq!" If someone says they can't buy because they are on a diet :)

Off to finish my model. Be good to yourselves

Good Monday Morning!
I'm typically NOT a morning person. This is because typically I'm up late, as a historic night owl. To me, any hour before 9 am is ungodly. I however married a man who gets up at quarter to 6 every morning *shudder*. I pretty much get up at 7 am now to get the kid ready for school and shoo them both out the door. I used to go back to bed.

I'm finding that I get up and get moving now more than I used to want to. Especially when I have things to do. I spent a LOT of time yesterday getting laundry caught up, making dinner and reading up the house in general. **side-note: If you're not from Central PA, you probably have NO idea why I'm using "reading". To Read Up (pronounced Red) is to generally clean up, not CLEAN** So this morning I was in great shape-Dishes all done, laundry really close to caught up. My husband, at 6:30 decided to help me by putting away the baking dishes that had dried overnight. Well, the noise he made could have woken the dead. But I got up, and right now, I have not much to do for *general* housework. I made tea, made DH some PB toast, got DD ready (which was easy since I laid out everyone's clothes last night), made the bed and they both went out the door without a fuss, organized with happy Mom kisses.

I'm not sure who the hell I am lately! LOL But if you promise NOT to tell DH, I'll admit-I kinda like it.

Miles to go before I sleep....
Today I feel like that line from a poem I don't even know the rest of. I can't even confirm it's a poem! LOL That just works right into my day today, that's for sure.

As many of you know, I"m a Brownie Girl Scout leader for my daughter's troop. I love it, I have 12 little girls that are just adorable, and it's very rewarding. We're gearing up for Girl Scout Cookie time, which starts... Today. There's also a program we can do, in which people can buy a box of cookies and we'll donate them to.. somewhere. We've decided we want to send them overseas to the troops serving in the US Military. You would think this would be easy to get local companies involved to help pay to ship this stuff over, right? Wrong. You would think I could get a phone call back from someone in the NH National Guard, right? Wrong. I honestly feel like I'm slamming my head into a brick wall. I just want our girls to feel like they've done something really good in their service project. It's hard enough to get 6-8 year olds to want to GIVE something to someone, harder still to get them excited about it.

I look at my stash lately, and think "Why?". I've got 15 WIPS that aren't anywhere near completion, There's this wishlist of stuff I so much want to do, and I can't muster ANY enthusiasum these last few days. DH says it's because of the model I'm doing, but that's not it. I love this model, am excited about IT. It's the housework, and errands and SNOWDAYS that sneak up on me and keep me from working on it. I just want to build a cabin out back, heated-with a couch, a fridge, a stove ... a BIG couch, not a uncomfy one. Lots of lights and blankets and my stash. I'll come cook and clean here in the house for the family, and come sleep here. That would be nice.

Guess I'm in a crappy mood today, huh ? Well ya'll take care of yourselves, and be good to each other.

You are 80% Cancer

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Gaining motivation

I have a thousand things to do today, and yet I can't seem to motivate myself
to do *any* of them --I hate being or feeling unmotivated!

THe laundry won't do itself, however. So off I go!

Wrapping up 2004

What a year! Many things happened this year, from personal to world events. It's pretty widely known I don't focus too much on the world events stage, so I'll keep this pretty simple.

Stitching this year seemed to be more of a chore then anything else. I couldn't seem to get moving on many things I wanted to work on, and obligation stitching just seemed to take me over. I managed to finish only 4 projects this year: Indigo Rose-True Love Sampler, Just Nan-Teachers touch the future, Just Nan-Friendship Sampler, TW-Futurecast. That's *it*. blech...

Personally it was my 1 year wedding anniversary this year, we indeed made it. It's been a struggle now and again, but I think we've grown as a couple, and people. Our financial situation has improved *slightly*, mostly due to better budgeting and being more frugal. I've gotten much stingier about spending for stash, especially since I'm SABLE for several lifetimes. My children are healthy, and smart and funny. My daughter, all of 7 years old now, is settling down some it seems in school, and I hope this is a glimpse into the rest of the year. Her teacher has such a challenge with her! My step-son thinks just because he'll be 16 in 7 months that means his parents are eager to teach him to drive! NOT! My husband's company was sold, and not only does he still have a job, he is the logical choice for a promotion. He's been with the company 7 years, and deserves this management position. It would be a raise (which we desperately need) and recognition that he rightly deserves!

Stitching this coming year is for me, me, me!! Well, okay sorta. I'm finishing up a model for Dinky Dyes right now, and then will throw myself headlong into the Chatelaine's I have on the go. I would like to finish Enchanted Dreamer by Mirabilia this year, and of course make some more progress on the other Mira's I've got going. My only "give away" goal this year is to do 3 each of M Designs Peace, Hope & Love ornament trees. I'll make these a gift to my in-laws this Christmas. I'm also in 2 round robins, and while I love doing these, I'm a bit worried about the time line on the House RR. I'll be fine, I'm sure though.

I am also resolving to write more often in this blog. Somedays I always feel I shouldn't whine about my life, or that less than 1 person even cares :) But this is for me, so I'm going to start talking more in here. Fair warning, lol, it won't always be sunshine and roses!

Friendships this year have been up and down. I'm not sure what it is about me that causes me to either anger people or alienate them. Whatever it is, I'm finding that those who have shown themselves to be good friends I could call at 3 am if I had a problem. That is comforting, especially since more than half of these people I've never met.

All in all, 2004 was a good year. I'm happy to see it gone, and truly look forward to our lives this next year. I think we're just going to get better and better.

Take care of yourselves.

Angi

Home again, home again...

I took a much needed break from internet-ing, and feel better for it. I am a bit more balanced, and rational. :) Well, somewhat rational. Okay okay, rational and I aren't always good friend, but I'm trying ;)

In stitching news, I've finished Indigo Rose's True Love Sampler, and Teresa Wentzler's Futurecast!
The wedding sampler is for my BIL and his new wife, just a few months late! :) I'm really pleased with how it came out. I omitted the queen stitches in the border, and under the last band I personalized it with their initials and wedding date instead of some satin stitched flowers that were there. I'm thrilled to have it finally done, that's for sure.

Futurecast was my first TW finish ever, and I'm pretty happy with how she turned out. Yes, the dragon finally told me that she was a "she" and her name was Moonshimmer :) I like how it came out, although I wasn't all that confident with my colour choices for a while.

If you go to my webshots to see the pictures, make sure you click normal view to see them best :)

That's all for today... Take care of yourselves.

Comes The Dawn

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul;
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning,
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a man or a woman,
Not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomarrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight.

After a while you learn that even
Sunshine burns if you get too much;
So you plant your own garden,
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you can endure,
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn, and you learn,
With every step, with every good-bye,
You learn.

*** Author Unknown ***

Is it over yet??

The Election, I mean. I'm sorely tired of all the negativity and the vitriol I am seeing spun these days. And that doesn't even begin to touch what comes from the candidates. I'm finding myself distanced from people I once felt so close to, because the negativity and the disgust they hold for beliefs I hold, hurts. I think I've done pretty well in my life in not judging my friends for their belief systems. I believe that each person has a right to feel and think what they wish. Who am I to lump my friends into a "stereotype" ? I would never pigeonhole a friend as a "conservative" and say mean things about conservatives. Nor would I do the same for liberals.

See, my friends and family are just that. Friends and Family. We aren't going to agree, we aren't always going to feel the same way about things. But I have always hoped that the friends that I hold close to my heart, and the family (both natural and chosen) would in fact be able to see past any differences in beliefs. I'm finding that harder to believe as this election year winds to a close. People that I have shared time with, jokes, laughter, tears... Have said some of the most painful things. Things that if I took them to heart would shatter a friendship, make me never speak to family members again. I don't understand what makes Republican and Democrat "Labels" make people suddenly... Not the same. I mean, I didn't change, right ? They really haven't changed. I know many of my friends have different opinions on many core issues than I do. Things like health care, abortion, pregnancy prevention, and many others. I knew that when I became their friend. I guess I felt they knew the same about me. I never thought it would "change" me in their eyes. Maybe it has, maybe it hasn't. I just know that there's an empty spot around me lately, that used to be filled with friends and family that seem to be separated from me now by that great chasm called "Political Party."

I don't see people in my life as Republican, or Democrat. I don't even see them as Cross Stitcher, or non-Cross Stitcher. I don't see them with any other prejudice than my heart. And my heart misses my friends...

Still sick : (
I'm not sure what this germ is but it's nuclear powered I think. I'm still sick! Still have a sore throat, and now DH is sick too. Luckily DD hasn't caught it but *sighs* I just want to feel better so I can clean my house up so I can feel like I can stitch.

I haven't stitched in 2 weeks, I don't really feel I can do it when I have so much else to do.

*blah*

The voice, it is gone...
So i've been battling with a sore throat now for the better part of a week--no big deal right? Sunday I start coughing...hmm, okay..no big deal right? Monday morning I feel like a Mac Truck has hit me and I'm down for the count. But okay, I sleep all day and no big deal right ? And then, Tuesday morning happens.

Tuesday was a very important day for me. It was the first meeting of my Brownie Girl Scout Troop. I took over my daughter's troop from the old leader when she stepped down last year. I'd been in Scouting for years as a girl, but never a leader, so this was new. I'd been preparing, writing handouts, getting paperwork ready. My co-leader and I had our meeting planned. I had the parent's meeting planned. And then Tuesday morning happened.

I lost my voice.

Not totally, not at first. It faded in and out throughout the day. It resembled nothing more than rough gravel and it was hard to talk above a low speaking voice. Then it got hard to talk above a whisper. As I rushed through making my copies at Kinko's (250+ EEK!!!) I wondered how I was going to get through the evening. Twelve little girls. Then their parents. Missing this was not an option. I'd been looking forward to it for months.

The girls thought Miss Angi sounded funny. Most of them know me as 9 of the 13 (1 absent) are classmates of my daughter's. The Brownie Smile song was pitiful--cause I couldn't sing a note. My co-leader, she is the outdoorsy, active type. I'm the music, artsy craftsy type. We'll work well together ;) But, the song was just sad. I even had to tickle some of my new girls to get them to smile. We'll do better next week. They liked their activities though. They enjoyed the Chinese jump rope game. We only had one bumped head, causing an already loose tooth to get looser and bleed. (Just how fast can I get that first aid training? and thank heavens for the Daisy leader-and mom of one of my Brownies-next door who is a nurse). Most, if not all my parents showed up for the parent meeting, and even put up with my voice. I got a cookie mom volunteer, and a good feeling from the group. They even told me to rest my voice. I think we'll all do well together this year.

My voice is still gone ... even worse. The whisper is almost as good as it gets today. I'm coughing, and feverish, and just want to die. But last night, I was in heaven. I love the Girl Scouts. I love what it teaches girls. I love how it empowers them to believe in themselves and their skills. I love how it brings girls together. I'm going to love my troop. I already do. My voice was a very small price to pay.

Monday, Monday...
Well it was another exciting weekend here! (not) I got little to nothing done besides running kids here and there, grocery shopping, laundry and watching Patriots win (again!!). Other than that, the weekend was pretty quiet.

Was working on something and realized that printer ink had gotten onto my fabric. So into the Orvus that piece of fabric went. Thank heavens it all seems to have come out!

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

It's Friday!!
Yes, it's Friday folks! Thank heavens! Sorta... My busiest days are coming up. Saturdays the alien has soccer in the morning, and then there is shopping to do this weekend. My stepson comes over on the weekends, and of course now there is football. At least the Patriots play this weekend, AND they are the early game this Sunday! WHOO HOO :)

I've made a little (read LITTLE) progress on FutureCast. I'm not sure I like how he's coming out, but I'm kinda stuck now. We'll see, maybe it'll be okay. I"m hoping to pop out to the border today and feel like I *really* got something done. We'll see. I'd also like to complete one of the next to last bands on the wedding sampler I'm doing. I am like >< that close to having it done, and yet I'm dragging my feet about it.

DD is home from school today, so I imagine there'll be much snuggling and sweetness .... well okay I can hope right ??? I've got handouts going for my Brownie parents, we got our first two meetings plotted out yesterday, and I'm starting to feel like I might have gotten a handle on this. *snorts* Self-delusion, gotta love it!

Welp, ya'll take care of yourselves today!

Progress... maybe?

Well, I haven't done much stitching of anything lately. I went to a GTG at Kari's house this past weekend with tiggerpoohs, and had a blast! They however gave me such a hard time (in fun) about not having any TW Wips or completions that I spent all day Sunday pulling colors for FutureCast. I have put a few stitches into him and we'll see how that goes. :) I'm really close to finishing the True Love Sampler, and then it's off to the races on the rest of my projects for the holidays *sighs*. I never used to do obligation stitching. I won't do it next year. Blech.... Although I'm lucky that everyone I stitch for Loves it and appreciates it.

I'm almost ready for our first Brownie Troop meeting, and the parents meeting that night *eek* I'm organized, and just hope I don't totally flop with the kids! :( I'm very excited though, I love Girl Scouts, and what it can do for girls.

Not much else to talk about today... Ya'll take care of yourselves!

Gratitude...


I'm so grateful to my online family! :) To my in-laws. To my friends... to everyone who helped my daughter reach her secondary goal in the fundraiser!! If we could have sold 10 more items, we could have won her the DVD player she wanted, but she did sell 90, so she's getting the electric scooter. I'm so thankful to have friends like ya'll!!

My secret stitcher sent me Just Nan's WinterHaven *boggles* I was stunned!!!! And so grateful. I love this chart, and now need to figure out just how I want to do it, and in what type of threads.

Life is pretty damned good today :)

It's wrapping paper time!!

Between now and Sept 27, my daughter is trying to earn a DVD or CD player. She is selling wrapping paper from Innisbrook. You can order through their website, and have it shipped directly to you, and she will get the sales credit! The great part about this is, her school earns 50% of all sales!!

Here's the link:

http://www.innisbrook.com/acb/basket/index_child_reg.cfm?internet_id=20563&DID=7

if that doesn't work, please email me for her codes!! :)

I thank you in advance, and if you order.. she'll send you a thank you email!

**** Apparently Innisbrook's server is working overtime, and is hard to reach during the day. If you have problems, maybe at night would be better ? :( I'm sorry if anyone gets frustrated:( Thanks! :( ****

Thanks so much!

Lost Friends Found! :)

in all my incarnations online, I've made lots of friends. One of them in particular, a guy, was extra special. There was nothing we didn't talk about, laugh about~all that stuff! In our infinite wisdom, we decided that we'd try our hand at being romantically involved. *laughs* that ended in a spectacular display! But we battled back to being great friends. We lost touch however when he moved from where he was, after getting out of the Navy and then I moved here to NH to be with DH. It'd been 2 1/2 years since I'd talked to him, and I'd worry about him-ya know how you do when you're missing someone.

Well... two nights ago we stumbled across each other again! Gosh it was wonderful!! We ended up chatting until 4 am one night, and catching up on the phone last night. It's like the last years haven't happened! We still know each other pretty well, and I'm thrilled to get my friend back! We both got married in this time, and he'd not seen pics of DD since she was 4! It was just amazing.

I'm pretty grateful to have him back in my life as one of my closest friends. And of course i've warned him that if he disappears again, i'm hunting him down and shooting him!

Ya'll take care!

Clear the way Maties, we're goin down...

I'm beginning to hate my stitching.... I've got too much obligation stuff to do. I am doing Mystery 6 from Chatelaine, I've only got part 1 done (out of 8 released parts). I've got Taj Mahal from Chatelaine, and I don't even *have* the first part of that done (out of 6 released parts). I have this wedding sampler I need to get finished, plus a shop model.

Not to mention the hell my home life is becoming again... can we say stress ? I think I need to replace my certs with Tums again, start eating them like candy. Something has to stop the pain in my stomach.

Anyyywho, enough whining. I hope...

Never underestimate the power of Love

Love has brought David Tippin home. Love has kept him safe. Love kept him warm and cool, and helped him find a place to stay protected from the elements. Love helped a resourceful little boy find water, and apparently food. Love kept him wrapped up close in his mother's thoughts while he was gone for 3 days. And love has brought him home to his mother's arms.

I am so grateful for the stitcher's I have met through this joyous hobby. We gathered together this last 3 days, and sent all of our love and hope to one of our own, Stacey Tippin-Prinncess. We kept her held up and supported. Our Love surrounded her and now her little boy is home. Thank you all. I love you all...

Stacey, you are so precious to me. I cried tears, and my heart worried. And my heart rejoices, although not even close to as much as yours. You hug that lil precocious oh so smart adventurer for me okay ?

We are an awesome force...

Bring David Timothy Tippen HOME!


My heart and my thoughts and my prayers are with Stacey, our very own Prinncess and her husband Robert today. Their son, David is missing. He is just 4 years old. Stacey gives all the details in her blog, Perle Moon. Please visit it and please pray for his safe return.

Please come home safe, David. Your mommy misses you.

To my Tory Kat
 
Today is your birthday.  It is almost inconceivable to me that you are seven years old today, but you are.  The last seven years have flown by.  I have watched you grow up so fast, from a sweet baby to the capable young lady you are becoming.  It is hard for me to admit you are becoming a  capable young lady.  I don't want to admit that you don't seem to need me as much as you used to, in the same ways as you used to. 
 
True, you don't need me to wash your hair for you, or give you a bath.   You don't need me to feed you, or cut your food for you all the time.  You don't need me to tie your shoes for you anymore, or zipper your jackets for you.  You don't need me to always make your bed for you, or dress you anymore.  You don't need me to help you with your seatbelt, or opening the car door, or even reading the directions for some of your activities.  You don't need me to read you books anymore, or help you color in the lines.  You don't need me to build your sandcastles for you, or to carry you into the pool. 
 
Realizing you don't need me to do all those things for you anymore brought tears to my eyes.  Where did my baby go?  What could she possibly need from me anymore ?  And then I realized....
 
You need me for kisses all over the face before bedtime, and hugs around the neck~because without them, you simply can't get to sleep.  You  need me to listen to all the things you did in school today because you want me to get as excited about you being the calendar girl as you were.  You  need to cuddle against me during a thunderstorm.  You need to tell me you love me after you fight with me, and you need to hear me tell you I love you no matter what.  You need to chase away the monsters in your bedroom at night sometimes, and you need me to reassure you that the bears your big brother tells you about outside are NOT coming in to get you.  You need me to protect you from the spiders, even though you know I'm as scared of them as you are.  You need me to remind you to flush and wash your hands~every single time!  You need me for soft touches to your forehead, just to reassure you you are not getting a fever.   You need me to shudder and ewwww! at every single bug you bring me just so you can giggle at me.  You need me to cook your favourite dinner on your birthday, and stay up all night the night before wrapping presents. 
 
So today baby, Happy Birthday.  I love you more than anything in my entire life.  I can't remember my life before you came into it,  seven years ago today.  I don't even want to.  You are my shining star, and I thank the heavens for you every day.  There is nothing you cannot do, cannot be.  Your smile and laugh are my joys, and I hope that I see and hear them every day.  They are what *I* need.  I love you, my lil girl. 
 

Attention Stitcher X (and everyone else who ever sent a hateful anonymous email/ezmsg):

During the fuss and the muss of JPC closing, I'm sure you snuck in, struck with your poisonous words, and left. You even deleted your user account, so that no one could or would be able to respond to you. A classic hit and run.

The cowards way.

Yes, I said it, a coward. ANYone who doesn't have the guts to sign their name to something is a coward. If I have something to say, I sign my name. I mean, if I feel passionate enough about something to write about it, I have the responsibility to stand behind my words. Sending one line emails, filled with vitriol and hatred, while it may be passionate, is also childish. And in my opinion, behaviours like this are the main reason that JPC on the TWBB has become a place so filled with controversy, hatred filled debates, sniping, backbiting, and secrets and why the forum is going away.

I don't know that for sure, but I do know that there is just so much childishness that anyone can put up with. If you are so sure of your beliefs, why not stand behind them publically? Why do you hide ? Or do you hide because you might be shown the truth, not the speculations that fill your mind? I know this, the mean and hateful things said in an email from Stitcher X to a close friend of mine are absolutely NOT TRUE. Unless you are TW, Miss Stitcher X, then you really DON"T know why JPC is being deleted. I sincerely doubt however, that TW would stoop to an anonymous ezmessage, and not sign her name.

I can't believe that such accusations are flying around, and I can but hope that we all learn how to act like the adults we are supposed to be. No one person is to blame for this, we all bear part of the burden. Let's shoulder it and move on.

I'm finally a LADY!!!




I took the most accurate villain personality test
created by: The Arch Villainess Gracie

Uh-oh LOL

How to make a Angi

Ingredients: 3 parts anger 3 parts silliness 3 parts joy

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Serve with a slice of wisdom and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Well I think it just might be me folks ! :)

A	Arty
N	Nutty
G	Graceful
E	Explosive
L	Lazy
A	Awesome

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Today's Blog, courtesy of Maroon 5's song Harder to Breathe


How dare you say that my behavior's unacceptable
So condescending, unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground that I am walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

I HATE confrontation. I absolutely abhor it. I avoid it at all costs. I will walk away from IM's with little warning, I will grow quieter on a phone call, I will avoid a friend for weeks at a time, if I feel I need to avoid a confrontation. What I won't do is totally ignore something someone has said while *IN* a confrontation.

Someone in my life is going through a rough patch right now. I hurt for them, because they hurt. Where do you draw the line at sympathy though, when you don't agree with the direction they've gone? When you can only see more pain, more suffering and more fights for everyone involved if this path is walked? Your opinion is asked, do you give it? Do you murmur platitudes ?

I would hope that I can be honest with all of my friends. That if my opinion is asked, I can offer it. Even if it is painful, even if it is NOT what they want to (or think they need to) hear at the time. I would hope that I wouldn't lose any of my friends when something is asked and given that differs so deeply with their course of action that it angers them. Then again, how can I know?

I don't. But I have to have faith. Because for me, I trust my friends to tell me the things I need to hear. The naked truth, even if it hurts. Even if it's not what I need right then... it's most likely what I'm going to need to hear later. I try to surround myself with those who are honest. I trust in their judgements and opinions. Quite frankly if I didn't, they wouldn't be my friends.

What about you? Do you trust your friends to tell you the truth? Even when you don't want to hear it ? Something to think about, huh?

Take care.

Notes from the Past...
There’s been a song that’s been speaking to me lately. Actually, at the volume I play CD’s in my car when I’m alone, my DH would say it’s been screaming, but he’s just silly. Good music is been when played LOUD! But that is neither here nor there. The song is Because of You from Nickleback’s new album Long Road. It’s the best song on the album I think as far as a rocking song. But that’s not why it’s speaking to me. It’s the lyrics.

I’ve written about my issues with my illness before. Before I was diagnosed, and for a little while afterwards, while I was getting stable, I was an emotional mess. I had no coping skills, and my childhood was, well… let’s just say abusive and leave it at that. I was an emotional manipulator because that’s what I knew how to do, and that’s what got me attention. Being locked into manic and depressive cycles is awful, and not knowing it is worse. Being an emotional cripple on top of all that is horrific.

So is what I did to all the people who cared about me during those times in my life. Those that loved me. I look back, and I’m amazed anyone stayed around for any length of time. That I didn’t push them away faster than I did with my behaviours. That’s why the lyrics really talk to me in this song. Let me show you:

Edge on the mirror, Can't get much clearer, Can't make this all go away
Now that you're bleeding. You stare at the ceiling, Watch as it all fades away
With what you do. Because of you

You know I can't be there. Each time that you call
I swore not to come, But I'm here after all
I know by the look that i see in your eye
I won't stand around and i won't watch you die
For what you do Why do you Why do you think I don’t love you
What becomes of you Why do you Why do you think I’m blind

Now that you did this,You ask for forgiveness, Doctor could you be my priest
You say you're mistaken, But look what you've taken,You laugh as you lie through your teeth
With what you do, Because of you

(repeat Chorus)

Edge on the mirror, Can't get much clearer, Can't make this all go away
Now that you're bleeding, You stare at the ceiling, Watch as it all fades away
With what you do, Because of you

You know I can't be there,Each time that you call
I swore not to come, But I'm here after all
I know by the look that I see in your eye
I won't stand around and I won't watch you die
For what you do, What you do, What you do
What becomes of you, Do, what you do,What you do
What becomes of, Because of you, Because of

If you got this far, I appreciate it. This blog is reaching epic lengths already. It was pretty important to actually put all the lyrics in there. The verse sorta describes how I used to be, and the chorus describes everyone in my life I think.

Many of those people I can no longer find. Most of them have moved out of my life, onto their own lives. Old boyfriends, ex-friends. In a way I’m sad they can’t see how I really did straighten out my life, and get it right. I wish that they could. But that’s not the biggest reason I’d like to find some of them right now. I’d like to say…. I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart and soul… I’m so sorry for the hell I put you all through. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t right, and I’m so grateful for the love that you gave me then.
It made more of a difference than you can ever know. Thank you.

Ya'll be good to yourselves. And to the ones that love you :)

The Stitcher's Five

1.)Which is your favourite brand of speciality thread?
I have to pick one ? *nibbles a lip* Well right now it's Gloriana Silks. But I'm an equal opportunity specialty thread addict.

2.)Why?
Gloriana's are so soft and beautiful. The colors are stunningly gorgeous. My favourite right this minute is Monet's Pond, along with Cranberry, and Silver Fox. Hmmm...also Twilight... I could go on. They are just beautiful!

3)How many other brands of thread do you have in your stash?
Wow, I have to tell this ? Wonder if I can keep DH from reading this!
Silks: Thread Gatherer, Waterlilies, Dinky Dyes, Au ver au soie, Silk Mori, Milkpaints, TBN Bloomin Threads, Gloriana, Gumnuts, Rajmahal, Eterna Overdyeds, Colour Streams, SMF Candy Floss, Needlepoint Inc, Stef Francis, Cascade House, Vikki Clayton, Silk Serica, Silk Trezibond, Caron Soie Crystale
Cottons: Six Strand Sweets (full set), GAST (full set), WDW, SMF Candy Floss, TBN Bloomin Threads, Delectable Delights Floss, Needle Necessities, The Dye Shop, Dinky Dyes, Stef Francis, Dyepot Threads.

4.) How do you store your threads?
Most of them are in their own Floss-a-way baggies then in boxes or drawers in my storage tower. My Silk'n Colors are in a drawer in my specialty box, along with the TBN threads. I have pretty limited storage so I do the best I can

5.) How confident do you feel at substituting between thread types and colours compared to what the chart calls for?
I'm getting more confident. I really like the look of overdyed threads and so I love to substitute colors and see the different looks.

The Stitcher's Five


1. Which do you prefer, Kits or Charts?

I prefer charts because I tend to substitute fabrics, I love hand dyes and will use them whenever possible. Kits also tend to come with Aida fabric, and non-descript floss.

2. Why?

Kitting up is half the fun!! :) I love putting a project together~deciding on fabric colors, maybe changing some floss colors. It makes my heart go pitter-pat :)

3. How do you organise your materials before you stitch

Every kitted project is usually also a WIP, even if it has only 10 stitching in it. Because of that, if it is a big project~like a Mirabilia~the floss gets bobbined and then goes into a CraftStor containter that also holds my scissors, thread heaven, highlighter and any other tools this project needs. All of that goes into the right sized mesh bag to hold the q-snaps and fabric.

4. Do you do anything to the sides of your fabric before starting?

Since I tend to use mostly hand-dyed it's already serged, but I usually ask my best friend to serge the edges of regular fabrics for me. Otherwise I tend to make an unraveling mess.

5. What do you do with the leftovers when your done?

You mean you're supposed to finish stuff ??? Seriously.. I have a baggie for leftover project floss, which is where I go first when I'm kitting up new stuff. The q-snaps go for the next project, same with the bag, and container.

This just says it all... LOL

Are you Addicted to the Internet? 80% Hardcore Junkie (61% - 80%) While you do get a bit of sleep every night and sometimes leave the house, you spend as much time as you can online. You usually have a browser, chat clients, server consoles, and your email on auto check open at all times. Phone? What's that? You plan your social events by contacting your friends online. Just be careful you don't get a repetitive wrist injury... The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Quiz Me!

Confidences...
My mother once taught me, the only secret that is kept is between you and someone who is already dead. She said that’s the only way to keep something totally secret. Otherwise people are driven to reveal things. It’s human nature she said. We feel like we can trust a person in our lives, and so we tell them something. A friend, a lover, a relative. It could be trivial; it could be something that would rock the very foundation of our life if it were revealed. Yet we need to confide. It seems to be a primitive need deep inside to share a part of ourselves, to trust a secret of self. Perhaps in hopes of being trusted back, perhaps. Or perhaps just in search of companionship. No matter the reason, we trust, we share… and somewhere down the line that person we talked to feels that same need. And the cycle begins.

Sometimes the confidences are tiny. Sometimes they are vital to our existence. At times they can be something so painful, so consuming that they cannot be held alone, but need to be shared. All too often, they are things that should not be shared. I understand our need to confide, to believe those around us are trustworthy. We want to believe that those we surround ourselves with are people would could trust with our lives, or even our skeletons (no matter how trivial the secret, or how severe). Now mind you, I’m not talking about murder or child molestation/abuse secrets here. . Those types of things don’t even enter into this thought process. Please know that. I’m talking about something that may be even the most mundane thing to you, may be something that another would find humiliating What I don’t understand, is when proven time and time again that we should not confide, we should keep our lives to ourselves, why we as humans continue the pattern.

I am of course speaking from personal experience. It has happened yet again to me. Someone I trusted with something has gone behind me to another with something told in confidence. Is it a trivial matter? Is it a foundation rocking matter? Now do you really think I’m going to reveal that to you? I may have forgotten my old rule of “reveal nothing” for a while, but I won’t forget again. It but serves to remind me I’ve become complacent. I’ve become too…free with my confidences. Once the only way I survived was to reveal nothing, say nothing about my personal life. It was the only way I stayed sane. Because nothing ever was the same as I had told it. Nothing ever comes back the way you tell it. It changes subtly in the retelling. It always does. Suddenly something that you felt was just a little bit wrong with something in your life has become a character flaw so massive people no longer want to be associated with you, by the time it has come through the retelling. That is just an example I can think of. We all played that game in elementary school. You remember the one where someone whispered a sentence to someone at the front of the room, and by the time it got to the back of the room it no longer even resembled the original statement.

And that’s what’s happened here as well. It’s not quite the same as it was when it was confided. *shrugs* I should have remembered that as well. I won’t forget again.

Ya’ll be good to yourselves.

Angi

How families come together...
I come from a pretty dysfunctional family. My mom will be the first to tell you she should have never had children. She's not the mothering type. Too selfish she says, too self-centered. She can't understand how she managed to have an "earth-mother" for a child. That's what she has called me from the time I've been little. I would be the neighborhood mommy. I loved to play with the younger kids in the neighborhood cause I could mother them. I've never wanted anything more than to be a wife and mother. My mother wanted me to be a career woman. Hence she does not understand me, and I don't understand her. At times of crisis, my family tends to turn on each other. We resemble nothing more than a pack of rabid wolves at times.

I've seen something completely different in this family I've married into however. I love my in-laws. I really do. They aren't perfect and they'd be the first to tell you that too. But as a package they are lovely. They welcomed me into this family, and accepted my daughter with love and affection. Honestly, that's what mattered the most to me. I could handle a family treating me like dirt, but not my baby girl. She wouldn't understand.

I had a point to this ramble :) I know, surprising. My BIL is running in the Boston Marathon next Monday. DH and I joke that he and his fiance are perfectly matched. They are fit, athletic and trim. They go running together, eat healthy and are both gorgeous. Whereas DH and I are fluffy, pudgy and decidedly not athletic. Anyhow, He has this chance to run to raise money for the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation. My FIL was diagnosed with this insidious cancer last September, and it rocked the family. And I was stunned, and amazed at how the family pulled tightly together thru the diagnosis, the subsequent testing, and a pretty scary hospital stay that November. I'm not suprised at all that running in this marathon is my BIL's way to do something. He's pledged to raise $7500 for the Research Foundation. He's just over $4000 of that. I'm going to include a link just in case anyone wants to help. Absolutely no pressure! This is all I can do to help him in his efforts to raise money, to get the word out there. Besides, you'll get to see my DH. He's the one in the blue striped shirt!

Boston Marathon Fundraiser for Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation

Ya'll be good to yourselves.

Angi

I've never been good at confrontation...
Especially with those that I care about. This puts my husband at the top of the list of those I hate arguing with. Make it a heated topic we are on firm opposite sides about and I'd rather crawl into a hole than talk about it. *sighs* We're having a difference of opinion on a quite personal subject. It has resonances of the past in it, and I don't agree with how he feels. I sympathize with it. I don't think he believes that part, but I do. The problem we are having is that he feels quite strong I should be "on his side". I can't be, I don't agree with his side. I can see the validity of how he feels, and how he could feel that way. But I can't agree, or be overly supportive or sympathetic. I can't give him the comfort he craves right now, because I don't agree with him. It's causing us to argue and fight, to the point we almost slept apart last night.

*sighs*

I don't believe that being married to someone, or even being friends with someone means that you have to agree with them all the time. in fact, I feel if you do there is seriously something wrong. What i'm on shaky ground with is how to handle that. How to not let it affect our day-to-day routine. So many times things like this can crack and shatter foundations of relationships and be the lil niggling thing that doesn't get settled, that comes up again and again. It seems we have a bunch of those 'little things' lately. It's so frustrating.

In other news, DD seems to almost have another tooth ready to come out. Hopefully this one will come out today, and the tooth faery can make another pitstop tonight.

As far as stitching is concerned, I've been working like mad on a model for my LNS, a patriotic model that has me hating red, white and blue. I never was a flag person to begin with, and goddess knows I won't be after this, that's for sure!!

Ya'll be good to yourselves!

Say what you mean with a song...

Today's blog is dedicated to my twin :) She knows who she is :)

It's the song Bounce by Bon Jovi (of whom I am a fan of over 20 years btw).

I been knocked down so many times
Counted out 6, 7, 8, 9
Written off like some bad deal
If you’re breathing you know how it feels
Call it karma, call it luck
Me, I just don’t give a

B-B-B-Bounce, bounce nothing’s gonna keep me down
Bounce, bounce stand up, shout it out
Bounce, bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I’ll be bouncing back again

This ain’t no game; I play it hard
Kicked around, cut, stitched and scarred
I’ll take the hit but not the fall
I know no fear, still standing tall
You can call it karma, call it luck
Me, I just don’t give a

B-B-B-Bounce, bounce nothing’s gonna keep me down
Bounce, bounce stand up, shout it out
Bounce, bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I’ll be bouncing back again

Bounce!

Bring it on, I like it rough
In your face, I call your bluff
It ain’t karma, it ain’t luck
Me, I just don’t give a

B-B-B-Bounce, bounce nothing’s gonna keep me down
Bounce, bounce stand up, shout it out
Bounce, bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I’ll be bouncing back again

Bounce, bounce
Nothing’s gonna keep me down
Bounce, bounce stand up, shout it out
Bounce, bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I’ll be bouncing back again

I took a walk along the dark side of the moon...
That's how it feels at least lately. The last month has been incredibly draining, and I haven't felt at all like blogging. I doubt anyone is going to see this, since I have updated in over a month. All my energy has gone to trying to stay healthy, drag us into financial stability, and do family stuff.

I will try and catch up on the bullet points over the next few days. My Secret Stitcher bought me the Taj Mahal membership, and I have all the threads to stitch it, just no fabric yet. I'm way behind on Mystery 6 so there's no real rush. I'm working on a model for Misty Stitches, and a model for my LNS. Those are both slow going as my hands go numb more often than not, and when cold I have no feeling in them at all. *sighs* I can stitch now only because Prinn was so generous and sent me her old Gazelle floor stand. I'm still figuring out exactly how to wiggle around it, i'm not sure it's *the* stand for me ... but it's better than none right now that's for sure.

Crystal Indulgence scissor fobs seem to be taking off, I hope to have some opportunities for expansion in the next few weeks :) I hope :)I really enjoy creating them!

I just wish my health would join the upward swing of everything else in my life *sighs*

Anyways, that's where we all are here. All in all, things are pretty good. I hope ya'll are taking care of yourselves. Hugs n stitches.

Is it March already?
Wow, I swear the time is flying by!!

Well! We made it through vacation, without bodily injury! It was a near thing there for a bit, touch and go with both the 6-year old and the 14 year old! And we get to do this again in April. I may need to find some valium by then. This week, however just reaffirms my decision to register DD for Girl Scout Day Camp for two weeks this summer. She'll love it, and i'll desperately need the break halfway through the summer months.

Stitching wise, I'm ALMOST there with Getting the stuff for Taj Mahal. I have to buy half the NPI silks, and the Waterlilies, wait for my fabric, and then buy the chart membership. I've been selling off stash to do this, extra stuff I don't need anymore. I won't say want, because I'm a hoarder by nature. So if it's in my house, by havens I want it, it's mine! :) But I really want to do the Taj Mahal by Chatelaine. It's one of the few things lately DH has looked at with me and went 'Oooooh, honey that's nice." Well that sealed it. *sighs* but our budget didn't allow me to get the full kit.. so i've been piecemealing it. I have to wait at least 6 more weeks or so for fabric as it is I think anyways... the opalescent is on backorder.

I'm feeling better, less depressed, more energetic. I'm keeping the house cleaned up better, which is helping in one way, but not in another. I'm easily irritated now and my family is NOT neat. I've spent the morning cleaning up after them *sighs*

I think that's it... OH! I got some serious snuggles from da baby girl :) We sat and watched some show tucked up under the down comforter... it was heavenly. Ya'll be good...

Snuggles...
I realized today what I miss most about my DD growing up so much. I know she's almost 7... still just a little girl, but a big girl in her own mind. That is still a lil one in so many ways, but in some ways she's sooooo big. She can get dressed herself, she can make her own cereal, take her own shower, wash her hair.... etc. She can even read her own books to herself, she's so smart!! But what I miss the most.... are the Snuggles

The running, jump into mommy's arms and burrow so close into my body I used to think she was trying to crawl back into me snuggles. The tucking her head under my chin and soft happy sighing snuggles. The only mommy can fix whatever it is that is wrong and I can't put it into words snuggles. Now don't get me wrong... she still climbs into bed sometimes and snuggles up... but she's so long and she just doesn't tuck up into me as well cause she's grown up so strong and beautifully. She once barely overflowed my arms, now she shows signs of definately being taller.

I still get some of those snuggles. And my good night hugs and kisses have their own perfectly heavenly rituals of kisses all over the face and the tightest of huggles around the necks. However, I realize in missing her sweetly nestled snuggles against me, I miss snuggling. I miss snuggling with my best friend over a bowl of ice cream and gossiping about boys. I miss snuggling under a blanket to watch movies with that same friend with a box of tissues while we put together one or another of our broken hearts. Or quiet snuggles with my mom... the ones over Christmas, when I knew she wasn't able to walk to me, and I crawled into the bed next to her and snuggled to her as well as I could.. much like my lil one used to do to me. We never are too old for snuggles like that...

You know I think we all would feel better if we made sure each day had snuggle time... mandatory scheduled snuggles. Whether with friends, kids, husbands or heck even a teddy bear (although it's human warmth I think that does the trick for me) I think we all would feel better, and do better every day. So I ask you all.... Have you snuggled today ?

Monday Morning...
It's the first day of February break for the schools around here. So right now, I've got my 6 yo DD, and my 14 yo DsS home.. have had them both since Friday. The boy goes home to his mom tonight, but comes back on Thursday..for most of the weekend...DD of course stays. Now, how to keep a 6 year old active lil girl entertained with no car...

No car you said ? Well, see we're down to just one car. DH has it at work. HIS car.. the transmission decided it was done working. Just... tired I guess. But becuase it's a 15 year old Volvo--It's a wicked expensive repair...over $2000 to get everything done to get that piece of crap back on the road. *sighs*

My stove also decided, apparently, that my cleaning the oven was too much of a shock to it's system. I inherited that stove from DH's first marriage. I don't think they EVER cleaned the oven. So I did. Now see, I already was down to one large burner being pretty much level and working normally, and the one small burner being off level, and working normally. The other large one doesn't work, and the other small one is toast. Well.... the day I cleaned the oven, the big one that does work decided it was in too much pain to work. Go figure.

I got absolutely zero stitching done this weekend *sighs* I meant to, I truely did.

Ya'll take care!

Some Changes!!!

Well I've been doing some stuff!! Thanks to some friends, I've got some pictures, and a new template. I'm happier... I was whining there for a while. I think I managed to keep all my posts, and all my comments too!!Let me know what you think!

Peeking in for a moment...

Hiya everyone... thanks so much for the words of encouragement... they've meant a lot to me. A bunch of you have even gone so far as to e-mail me privately, and that has been wonderful.

Saturday was Valentine's Day... and I had a wonderful day. I even got flowers and candy, although my husband had to rely on cunning and improvisation ( he swears he had a plan--he had no plan lol). But my day wasn't wonderful because I got flowers, or candy. I don't even know if I can put it into words.

We took the kids out for dinner. It seemed appropriate... we've been married just 3 months exactly on the big V-Day, and the day after we took the kids out too :) We went to a period type diner--you know those fifties types... all red and black and poodle skirts. We had great food, for just a little bit of money... well within the small budget we'd worked out. I really wanted to do something with the kids, you see. We went to pick up groceries too (hence how my husband got me candy and flowers *grins* He got lucky!) We laughed and joked and got ice cream, and it was a lovely time. And on the way home we all sang to the songs on the CD we were listening to. One of the songs was the new remake of "Drift Away". Talk about bridging the generational gaps. My husband-37, myself-32, my stepson-14, and my daughter-6-- all singing our hearts out and if I might brag since I think we all have pretty decent voices--harmonizing incredibly well. We've done it before. I've thought it really special each time it's happened. But on a day that is over commercialized and over-everything.... this was what made my day special. My family.. singing a song together, in a dark car, on the way home from a great dinner with grocery shopping behind us and treats for each waiting in the trunk. I couldn't have asked for anything more. My heart swelled with so much love it brought tears to my eyes and I actually had to stop singing for a moment, just like my eyes are welling up with tears now. Happy tears. I am so blessed. I have this family.... these wonderful kids, a great husband... and on the day of Love...when it's supposed to be all about Love.... it *was* all about Love... so much love that we were all ready to Drift Away....

Ya'll take care of yourselves...

*slips away again singing "gimme the beat now and free my soul...." *

Public Service Announcement...

I'm going on hiatus... a leave of absence so to speak...
My stress levels are off the charts, and I need to back away from a bunch of things to try and even out.
The internet/boards/chats are definately among that group.

I'm sure i'll be back, hopefully better :) Thanks !

I picked a good year it seems...

To become a football fan... more specifically a Patriots fan. My DH is a big football fan, so it was either hate it and whine every Sunday, or actually learn to like it, settle in with my stitching, and enjoy the games. I picked the latter.

So the Patriots win the Superbowl this year, capping an incredible season. It was lovely to watch, week after week. I have my team favorites :) At the top of the list is defensive linebacker Tedy Bruschi. Truthfully, even tho Tedy is quite quite handsome, with a great smile, and a great backside ;)--that's not why I really started to "pick" him out each week. He loves what he does. You can see that in every play. He cheered on a second-string player for an incredible tackle when he was on the sidelines, and he made us laugh when, after a ref was knocked down in a game... He held up fingers to make sure the ref was okay... and then patted the ref on the butt! He also, from what I have read about him, is a great father, good husband and an all-around good guy. Isn't it nice to see that in a professional sports player ?

Speaking of great, Tom Brady reminds me of a big goofy kid out there just having a fun game too. I really think that's what I really love about this Patriots team. They get the job done, but they do it with style, grace and a whole lot of joy. The pressure never gets to them, not that the fans see it. The Caroline sideline coaches, and the quarterback let the pressure get to them... you could see it in the words they were saying. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what some of those 'potty-mouth' words were. The Patriots seem to be a team that I can happily be a huge fan of (I'm asking for a Bruschi jersey, and a championship hat for my birthday) because they just ... love the game.

Mind you, I don't think that they are all what we see.... we're all human after all. Too many times in sports, the figures that are revered and loved are awful role-models for our children. Drug and alcohol abuse is more common I'm sure than we hear, but it's not like there isn't pressure on these athletes. They are also compensated quite well for this pressure.

I was grateful, however, as I watched a piece done by SuperBowl Today show on the special needs children of quarterbacks, and the foundations and charity work that comes from the painful struggles of these kids and families. The attention that Dan Marino has brought to autism, or Boomer Esiason to the illness his son has helps many other families, not fortunate enough to have the resources these families have. The heartbreaking story of the 5 year old son of Trent Dilfer, who died after a long battle with a rare virus had me grabbing my 6 year old DD and squeezing her so tight she squeaked.

It was a great Sunday. It was an incredible game. And in many ways, it helped me remember--I am one lucky woman.

Ya'll take care of yourselves today.

Okay.. it's not Friday..

But here's what I've seen referred to as the "Friday Five".

Right now what is your favourite....

1: ... food?
Tomato soup with milk, butter and pepper :)

2: ... song?
Someday by Nickleback

3: ...tv show?
The West Wing

4: ... scent?
black cherry or raspberry candles :)

5: ... quote?
"lights! lights would be good here!" -Pretty Woman

*grins* have a great weekend, ya'll.

Crystal Indulgence....

I've had a few emails today asking me about the scissor fobs :) How, why, etc.. those types of questions...
It really was a snowball that sorta rolled me up in it as it rolled down a hill *grin*. I love sparkly shimmering things, and had a number of fobs that a friend had made for me. I also have a love for swarovski crystal beads, and kept wanting to learn how to do some beading. I had made a few fobs for myself, and showed them to a few people. Marie expressed that she would be happy to carry something like that on her website, and WHAM the snowball started down the hill!
It's exciting to me... I knew I wanted to make something affordable, yet elegantly indulgent. Nothing sparkles like a swarovski bead! Putting together the different designs is challenging, I don't want them all to be the same arrangement, else that will get boring!

So I set out to make fobs that were elegant, beautiful and a treasured indulgence for stitchers that remained affordable. Cause everyone deserves these beautiful pieces of "scissor jewelry" :) :) :)

Anyways, that's how Crystal Indulgence came about!

And the beat goes on...

Wow, it's been a while since I've written. Life has been swirling around and I've just not really been in the mood to write. However a bunch of cool things are happening :)

My little fun in making beaded scissor fobs is catching some speed and attention :) Marie from ABC Stitch Therapy is going to carry them on her site!! :) :) :) :) I'm so happy... I think everyone should have pretty things for their scissors. And they are really fun to make! I sent one to Prinn and she was happy with it I think LOL. They are called Crystal Indulgence, cause everyone needs some indulgence.

I've gotten back into therapy, and have some prescriptions for new medicines. I can't fill them til next week, but I hope they help!.

I put my progress of Enchanted Dreamer up on my Webshots album. :) Let me know what you think of the colors :)

Ya'll be good to yourselves...

Tidbits from my day...

I'm not a particularly witty person, and I don't do well with introspective writing unless I'm doing it about my personal journey, and some of that stuff would bore you, and others of it would be a bit more than I want to talk about! ;) So here's some tidbits of the last day or so in the crazy life I lead :)

--You know you've been stitching wayyy more than too long--- You are sitting with your husband and discussing what colour to paint the kitchen. Now the theme for our house is emerging to be shades of sage green and shades of purples. The Living room is periwinkle, and we just bought a medium sage/rich plum bedset. The kitchen is fruits with deep hunter greens and deep harvest purples. My plates are fruit themed with beautiful sage green 'leaves' so I wanted to do something with sage on the walls. We decided to go to Home Depot this spring to learn colour wash painting. I say " I think I want a lightish sage with a wash of 712 over it." DH looks at me funny, and says "Did you just use a DMC number??" Blinking a bit I replied, "Did I just say 712?" and we both just giggled and giggled. Hey at least he *recognized* it was a DMC color!!

--Kids!-- One of my joys lately is hearing Misty's daughter yell out "Mommy!!" randomly thruout the day. It reminds me of when DD was tiny... but loud. But today she also came up to me and nuzzled into my neck and whispered oh so softly she loved me. I love those moments.

I also started my therapy sessions today. And I found I can do stairs with no pain!! Now that might not mean much to most, but when you've had 2 ankle fusion surgeries, on the same ankle--losing 60% of your side to side range of motion, being able to *walk* without pain was wonderful. Steps are just an added bonus!

Ya'll take care, I think I'm gonna go stitch :)

and we're back...

Ooookay.. I figured out Haloscan, and got them up and running. Can't figure out how to customize it tho *sighs* I swear I should just give up on this stuff!

Anyways, if you've got a comment about any of my topics in the last few days, feel free to post them! :)

Dealing with the past....

I sat down today, tripping down memory lane and I realized how far far I have come. But I didn't get this far on my own. And when I remember the path of destruction I created, oh heavens I wonder if I can ever make amends to people in my life. Some of those people I damaged I can't even find to apologize for my actions. I wish I could. Sometimes the inability to find the ones I hurt the worst when I was at my sickest bothers me to this day.

THey are the ones that are angry with me, I'm sure. They have every right to be angry. I did things that were reprehensible and horrific. I was so self-contained and selfish that I never realized the effects my actions had on my family, my friends, my daughter and even at my job. I just felt 'oh poor me, oh god why won't anyone like me, why won't they do anything for me?" Well, the answers came after I got medication, and after I began to learn how to see reality. I had to make a commitment to getting healthy, I had to make the commitment to learning how to deal with all my emotions again. And I had to make the commitment to make amends to those I hurt.

That was the hardest thing I did. There are some that can't forgive me. I hurt them too badly... destroyed their trust in me, and in our friendship. I had to accept that they may not be able to deal with the change, and I had to realize I was probably never going to be trusted by many ever again.

That was 4 years ago. Do I still feel bad about some of those things I did ? You bet... if I didn't, I wouldn't like myself very much.

Be good to yourselves.

The cycle begins...

Pretty heavy topic in my last post eh ? I don't really want anyone to be worried over me, though. I appreciate each and every one of you who either commented (when the comments were still working) or those of you that emailed me. I was touched, and thank you all so much.

Today is a much better day, and I'm actually feeling better. My husband is a wonderful man, and though this is his first actual experience with me cycling, he's doing wonderfully. I warned him these thigs could happen, and he's being awesome.

I've spent a bunch of time stitching actually. Enchanted Dreamer from Mirabilia is screaming at me something fierce, unlike anything has done since Middy. I should be working on Mystery 6 part 1, esp as I want to keep up with this one. I just can't seem to put the lovely sleeping faery down. Which is sorta bad, and sorta good. I'm not sure how much of my not being able to sleep at night is my desire to work on her!! I've made a bunch of progress since I started her on January 1, not withstanding the need to frog out about 5 hours worth of work! Now, since I was arm-twisted into kitting this lovely up by Stacey, ala the Prinncess *grins* I wanna see hers!!! :) :) :)

I'm enamoured of a song lately. I really like the band Nickleback, and have just *now* heard the new song that's been out for a while "Someday". I really really like this... calls to me in ways of the past.

Ya'll take care today.

The darker side of the moon...

Those of you who have come to expect my blog to be light, airy and bubblegummy, and only wish to read light airy and bubblegummy should probably hit your backbutton now. This morning's entry is not and will not be.

Warning given...

Many of my friends know that I am a bi-polar type2. For those of you know at all familiar with bi-polar, it means I'm manic depressive, a much more widely recognized title for my illness. The Type 2 means I swing more towards depression than mania. Which is honestly (in my strange little world) easier for me to deal with. I don't know how I'd deal with super happy don't care about the consequences manic trips. I tend to care too much. I also suspect I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (or whatever that name is). I don't do cold very well, I thus don't go outside often in winter. And I chose to move to New England. The silly things we'll do for love. Where is this ramble going?

I'm struggling lately. Between some issues with my mother, the weather, recovering from Christmas finances, and just this weekend, our furnace teetering on the edge of disaster on the coldest weekend of the year so far, I am struggling. Thank heavens I can recognize I'm struggling, and called a therapist to re-start bi-weekly therapy. There was time I wouldn't have. I would have blithely tripped along in my fantasy world, doing infinite amounts of damage with lies, deceit, blurred reality lines and self-destructive behaviour. That was what my life was like before I had a nervous breakdown at the age of 28.

Now if my father were reading this, he would be horrified I'm telling the world I have a mental illness. To him, mental illnesses are akin to taboo, shove it under a rug, don't tell anyone that you are flawed, my god how could this be my child. This is the same man who thought my daughter was just a little excitable. If you know my daughter, or have heard her on the phone, you know better. But it does bring up the question--why am I taking my bubble-gum blog into details of my intimate life?

I remember how awful being that sick was. In the four years since I have been diagnosed, stable and treated, I have learned how to see the world. How to react to *reality*. I remember that sick need for attention, the paralyzing need for acceptance, and the belief I was never going to be accepted for who I was. I was too loud, too fat, too ugly... too many "too's". And everytime I made my self-fulfilling prophecy happen, it was another nail in my self-esteem coffin. And when I lost it, even holding my 2 year old beautiful baby couldn't stop the thoughts of suicide from taking over my life.

I made a promise to her when I got healthy. That I'd never let my unbalanced brain chemicals ever let me take myself from her. That I'd never let myself get so out of control again that I couldn't be a mother. I've kept that promise for four years, and I'm keeping again by starting counseling this week.

Why do I put my story in the public domain like this ? First, for myself.. to remind myself of how far I've come, and how far I have yet to go. To remind myself that I hated being the way I was, and the struggles I went thru to become healthy. And as a catharsis...to put it in words, validate how I feel, and give it voice. In light of recent events, many may doubt me.. may say I am lying to get attention. They may in fact write me off, not care, or have too many of their own problems. I accept that, because I know who I am, I know I've never lied about what I am. There are many who could verify my existence is all I say it to be.

The second reason? If my story helps even one person, no matter who, no matter where... take the step to going to a doctor and saying "I'm hurting, something is wrong, help me." If my story helps just one person do that, I've repaid so many of those that helped me up, dusted me off and sent me on my way with love and caring.

Take care of yourselves, and your loved ones.
Be good to yourself.

I can tell it was full moon recently...

how you ask ? by the amount of things going crazy. Plans going awry, and everything else. I think I'll just leave today's entry at that.

stomps her feet...

I want a new look! I want a faery, and purply sparkly things, and dangit.. I can't figure out how to get them, how to MAKE anything, or even what to do about hosting anything:( My ISP webspace is so confusing to try and access I've given up. As I blog-read today, I see so many nice new ones :(

The housework bug has bitten!!

I've been quite busy today! :) I don't always sit here in front of my computer, but lately my time on my butt has increased exponentially. I think in direct opposition of how far my depression was going. However, I seem to be snapping out of it (which is very important to a bi-polar!)

So today I've stripped both beds and washed sheets, put DD's bed back up on the frame (we put it on the floor for summer since she overheats so easily), done 2 more loads of laundry, did the drain treatment for our yucky drain in the shower, done dishes, and worked on the kitchen rearrangement. Rearrangement, you say? Yeap! we're finally getting the baker's rack in place. We bought it off a friend of ours in SEPTEMBER!! I'm reclaiming the little bit of counter space we have! Our pantry shelves are moving in the basement, we've put the microwave back ON the cart (that was holding phones, and JUNK), moved my collection of pasta jars and pretty canisters to the rack, and I've decided which of my kitchen gadgets I can live with having downstairs. I'm almost as bad about kitchen stuff as I am about stash.

It's true! I have a rotisserie, the huge george forman grill, 2 crockpots, an electric skillet, a quesadilla maker, a blender, a covered deep fryer, and of course the toaster and coffeemaker. the only things staying upstairs are the electric skillet and crock pot, the toaster and deep fryer. DH has a french press now for his coffee, and the rest of my gadgets are specific enough use items that if and when I need them I'll get them. I'd be lost without my electric skillet and my crock pot. I love them, esp in winter for those cold-weather stews.

Speaking of weather, it's freakin cold!!!! Yes yes, where I live it gets cold. But it's like...6 degrees above zero outside, with a windchill of -20!!!! Kill me now. I was so worried about DD not having a scarf, and constantly losing her gloves that I called to inquire about outside recess. Luckily the school is smart and doesn't take them outside when it's this cold. That was a relief. And since I take her TO the bus and pick her up from the bus she won't be walking up our lane either. MINUS 20!!!! I told DH it was time to look for a job in a warmer climate.

I think that's just about it for now folks, it's time to switch some more laundry and work on the kitchen some more. I hope I haven't bored ya to tears! Be good to each other!

Hauling myself into the land of Abstinence...

This is going to be the hardest 6-9 months of my life. Pregnancy, a piece of cake compared to what I'm about to endure!! I'm on the stash wagon....yes, me one of the hugest stashinites ever. Sadly, our budget just doesn't have room for it. I'm not sure how well this is going to go over with my heart!! I've never been 'cut off' so to speak. However, with all the bills, and all the Chatelaines... something had to give. I'll have to sign up late for Taj Mahal :(

Seriously, it's hard to be an adult! Responsibilities and duties, children and mortgages. All these must come before me, and my stash addiction. Sometimes I want to be irresponsible. But if I am, the bills won't be paid, we won't eat and we'll be cold. Not acceptable for my family. So...it is with resolve and determination I put myself on the wagon. Let's hope I can handle it

Things that make you go...

What in the heck is the portugese doing in my comments box ? LOL I don't know anyone who speaks portugese. Ahhhh well.

Well the alien is at school today *happy dancing happy dancing*. I got my peace and quiet back!! Nearly 3 weeks without these 6 hours to myself is TOO DANG long!! I've puttered here and there, and have some more housework to do, but by and large, I'm free!! I also have to call the insurance company, yuck!!

Then dishes, dishes, and more dishes!! HOW do we get SO many dishes dirty ? I swear some nights I can't find the counters!!

And don't get me started on laundry. I swear it breeds. The towels mate and the socks run off with the washclothes!

Ever have one of those days???

Well today should have been DD's first day back at school, AND it was Brownie meeting day. Unfortunately, she was sick. *sighs* So instead of my first day free in over 2 weeks.... she's here. Watch mom descend into tears and gibbering! Not really, but dangit I was looking forward to 8 hours alone. She's feeling better, so she'll be at school tomarrow!!

Post-Christmas bills.... I hate them. Had a lovely holiday, and now it's crap! lol. Not really, but Jan/Feb are so stressful financially. I'm officially on the Wagon for stash, however. No new buys, and no more kitting (unless I get really lucky) for now.

I put in a bunch of work on Enchanted Dreamer, and then had to rip it all out. And now I've redone it and it looks really good. Heavens if I could just stick to a rotation!!

Ya'll have a great day and be good!

And we're off, with a bang!

Well 2004 has started... other than snow and housework, it hasn't yet been eventful for me :)

I've started my one and only guilt-free January project... Enchanted Dreamer by Mirabilia. This makes four
Mirabilia patterns as WIPs for me... I think that's good :) I'd like to finish at least *one* this year!!

This year has been full of ups and downs, joy and sadness, new friends, new state-of-minds...
Here's a few I'm particularly grateful for:

My husband... I've waited 32 years for the right man in my life...and I'm proud to stand beside this husband of mine. He makes me laugh, takes excellent care of me, and loves my daughter as if she were his own. *smiles softly* I couldn't ask for more.

Speaking of my daughter, my alien girl child is growing up. She is reading, writing letters, and coming into her own little person. It's hard, because I miss that baby that used to snuggle up to me. Then again, she still snuggles. She's just a LOT bigger. She's a gorgeous little girl, and I hope her personality and soul match her face for always, just like they do now. We seem to have gotten her medications smoothed out as well, which means a calmer kid, calmer school environment, and a calmer home life.

Being able to walk... we all take it for granted I think. But twice now I've spent 4 months in a wheelchair unable to walk thanks to ankle fusion surgery (the first didn't take). I will never again take for granted the simple task of showering, or cooking a meal for my family.

All of my friends... Misty for being me all over again.. my daily life without you is too quiet! :) And you, My twin (you know who you are!)...I am glad we share so much in common. Many other friends I've started growing close to.. learning more about and being amazed how alike many of us are. Even the sad moments, learning of losses, and discovering deceptions.. they too help me grow in my friendships.

There's so many more things, this year I think was such a journey for me. I only hope that the journey gets better from here. Despite little roadblocks and bumps...what a wonderful trip it has, and will be :)

Y'all be good to each other :)

OMG where did the last 20 days go ?????

Honestly I didn't think it had been that long since I posted. I was really really sick for at least 2 weeks tho, and I'm still feeling the residual effects of that. Then there was Christmas, which this year included us driving over 2000 miles between NH, Ohio and PA. Thank goddess we're only doing that every 2 years. Then there was my mother falling and snapping her ankle in 4 spots, requiring surgery just before Christmas. It never ends.

Let's try and do catch up (at least as much as my poor little brain can remember):

I ended up being diagnosed with a sinus infection and bronchitis. He suspected flu-like symptoms as well, but I refused that diagnosis. Hey I figure if I don't believe it... well it's worth a shot. I am better though!

The holidays at my in-laws were interesting. Lots of new traditions, some a little bit hard to get used to, but nonetheless wonderful. I am very lucky that I love my in-laws and I'm pretty sure they like me. DD got every thing for Barbie Swan Lake, I swear. Of course since I got most of it *grins* Please, barbie with a unicorn ?? A PURPLE Unicorn ??? I was all over that one!

We boarded 2 of the furbabies in a kitty inn. Lovely lovely place. Expensive, but worth it. I just picked them up a bit ago and they were tentative of course, but happy to see us. My Star I left here at the house, since she'd been a rescue kitty, I didn't think she'd get over being boarded. I was worried she'd think I abandoned here. She was VERY happy to see us! And it was lovely to sleep in my own bed with my fur hat :) A hat that purrs ;)

I vow to write in here daily again. I have missed it. I hope everyone had a warm and lovely holiday, that meant everything to them that each wished it to. Be good to each other. *mwah*

we now interrupt mom's voice...

..replacing it with something wierder and deeper than Darth Vader's!! C'mon now!! Although I hate this being sick stuff, at least I haven't had to cook or clean for 2 days. I think I'll keep my husband.

I'm on my way to the doctor's today ( I canNOT argue with both my husband and my mother). I'm frightened to think what would happen to me if they actually put their heads together about something!

I'm almost done Tinsel Tapestry number 2 for my mom. It went much faster this time! I'm going to take both of them to Marie at ABC Stitch to frame on Mon or Tues I think.

Y'all be good!

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

So where's my delightful fire???? Or even really warm blankies?? I'm cold.. I'm sick... and I'm tired. Then add I'm tired of being all three!!

The holiday season is full upon us. I've got all my boards cards mailed, now i need to move onto the family ones. For those I have to cut pictures of the alien girl child. Sometimes I do too much for little things. I even get pens that match my cards. I use stickers to seal the envelopes usually, but I don't have those yet.

However, my push to do these things is dimmed quite a bit by the fact that I'm sick. Fever, chills, headache, can't breathe (play the nyquil commercial in your head).. the whole 9 yards. I just want to go bury my head in a pillow untill it stops hurting. Days from now.

It snowed this morning. Double yuck. But I did get a giggle out of my eskimo child. She looks so cute all bundled up, and sometimes I wonder if she can even move. Thank the heavens for my lil girl. Without her, I'd be so miserable and lost sometimes. A smile is all it takes to make me smile, and her hugs and kisses are pure joy. *insert break for hugs and kisses* Man, how did she know I needed those so badly ?

I think I'll go tackle her and get some more!